I'm thankful for my Kindergarten class who made these wonderful crafts to celebrate Thanksgiving.
After the Native Americans helped the Pilgrims survive their first winter in America, the Puritans invited them to share the first Thanksgiving.
Awe! Oh, these are adorably wrong.
A five-year-old made that.
Based off of the lies that you taught them.
Oh, it's not your fault, these are full of half truths and historical propaganda.
I thought the Native Americans and the Pilgrims were, like, besties, or whatever.
At best, the Pilgrims and Wampanoags could be described as "political allies."
By the time the Pilgrims showed up, not only were two-thirds of the Massachusetts tribes completely wiped out by European slave owners and diseases,
the Pilgrims were constantly at war with the indigenous people and routinely tortured them.
But what about Squanto, the Native American who learned English to help out the Pilgrims?
He was actually a slave that was hauled off to Europe and then he learned English so that he could escape.
But they did celebrate it every year, right?
Not exactly, the next one was 16 years later and, unfortunately, it was because the Puritans were celebrating the massacre of the Piqua tribe.
Back then, Thanksgiving was also for families, specifically, murdering them.
Okay, we get it!
History's awful, the Puritans were terrible, and now we have to let our children know that the holiday started with tons of killings.
Well, we actually have just about everything wrong with the Thanksgiving myth.
Definitely didn't wear these buckle hats.
Didn't land on Plymouth Rock.
As for that turkey--Oh no, not the turkey.
More like venison, fowl, and eel.
Who cares about how this stupid holiday got started anyway?
In George Washington's 1789 Thanksgiving Proclamation, the settlers aren't mentioned, not even once.
Thanksgiving wasn't celebrated nationwide until 1863 when this guy declared it a national holiday during the Civil War in order to bring the country together.
That's why all of our foods are from the 19th century.
So Lincoln came up with the whole Indian/Pilgrim story?
Nope, that myth didn't catch on 'til the 1900s, after we had fought and killed all the Native Americans.
And then we put it in textbooks as fact, because America!
But, the food is really good and if you ignore all the terrible history, like the murdering, the raping, the pillaging, still kind of a great holiday.
So the Mayflower is a lie?
Why do we eat cranberry sauce?
What about stuffing?
Is Black Friday really just a capitalist conspiracy to get poor people to buy things so we can't truly live out a populous revolt?
I am never telling you the truth ever again.
One historical narrative says that the Pilgrims were off firing their guns when the Wampanoag tribe just showed up,
presumably, to find out why the white folks were shooting up the place, which is a question that we still ask this very day.