How to Have Less Awkward Conversation

What is assuming rapport? Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person will establish a good connection.

How do you do that? You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one. I have found that this advice is surprisingly useful and easy to implement. This also helps you and the other people to set a good frame for the interaction.

A frame is always set in at the start of an interaction. It might be a nervous and stiff frame, a formal and let's-get-to-the-point kind of frame or perhaps a super relaxed one. The thing is that the frame that is set in the beginning of the conversation is often one that may stay on for a while.

First impressions last. If it's a very stiff frame then it may very well continue to be so until the end. It can be quite difficult to, for instance, change that frame into a more relaxed one. Often people—you and the others—adapt to the frame that is set and interact within it. Breaking or changing that frame may feel uncomfortable or a bit weird. And so you and the others can become reluctant to do so and instead just play along.

When you're with your friend you don't think about what you should say next or what funny comment you could pull out of your sleeve.

You just stay in the present moment, moment by moment, and the conversation flows easily and naturally. I think this is what some people mean when they give the often confusing advice to “just be yourself”. When your friends give you that advice then they may mean that you should be “like you are when you are hanging out with us”.

They want to see you bring out your natural and relaxed self in other interactions. One final useful thing about assuming rapport is that you may also start to feel positive feelings towards this new person, as you do with your friend when you meet him/her. This is a pretty good starting point for getting the new person to reciprocate and for developing a good relationship.