Channel those inevitable couples spats into constructive, conflict-resolution sessions.
将情侣之间不可避免的争吵变成建设性的，解决冲突的聚会.WHIG+5]e1_gqI;piK2!。

You Will Need
你需要

A fair fight
公平的争吵

A time-out
暂停

A schedule
日程安排

Communication skills
沟通技巧

I or We statements
“我”或“我们”的人称

Positive affirmation
积极的肯定

Listening skills
倾听技巧

Follow up (optional)
跟进（可选）

Steps
步骤

STEP 1 Take a time out
1.暂停

If you feel yourself getting angry, gauge your emotion level on a scale from one to 10. Take a time-out if you or your spouse feels your emotions running too high.
如果你觉得自己非常愤怒，从一数到十，控制一下情绪#0fO!tQxRO9H。如果你或你的伴侣情绪太激动，最好冷静一下Ar4[@q+dS[G=GqMom~Ix。

STEP 2 Have a schedule
2.安排时间

Schedule a time to discuss the conflict, so you can be civil. Avoid bringing up hot-button topics while one or both of you are running out the door.
安排时间讨论一下你们之间的冲突，这样双方都能做到彬彬有礼ay+OyB06aYzqGR*UP^JX。当其中一方或双方都失去理智的时候，最好不要提起敏感话题0Ul-Eyv9b36d)DYq6。

Pick your battles wisely. The things you argue about should be things that really matter – try not to sweat the small stuff.
聪明地挑起争吵qJh@)fmnNH|。你争论的必须是比较重要的事情，不要在小事上斤斤计较u5f)ln~SzYC。

STEP 3 Communicate
3.沟通

When the scheduled time arrives, start by communicating your desired outcome, as well as your feelings and needs. Invite your spouse to brainstorm ways to fix the problem. Cooperating to find solutions will avoid urges to place blame and help satisfy a mutual goal.
当安排的时间来临时，开始沟通你期望的结果，你的感受和需要.7@b[6pRK86]L0[L。邀请你的配偶一起讨论解决问题的方法]|sU,^A^S@cpk2)D*。团结合作寻找解决方法可以避免互相指责，帮助达成共同的目标224pSmO+7XXA1n!=。

Follow up at a later date on any resolutions made to avoid broken agreements.
过段时间跟进一下，制定一些解决方法避免违约GhboIGBwU_nRLLbN[oe.。

STEP 4 Use "I" or "We" statements
4.使用第一人称

Use I" or "We" statements and avoid using "You" messages. "We need to find a way to save more money," is more positive and constructive than saying, "You spend too much money."
使用第一人称“我”或者“我们”，避免使用“你”这个第二人称b;6v8,ZbtQe。“我们应该想办法存更多钱”相比“你花钱太多了”更积极，更有建设性8oipBjs1N%KOH-#。

STEP 5 Affirm
5.肯定

Acknowledge something positive about your spouse before segueing to the issue. Knowing they are appreciated may help balance any perceived criticism.
承认你的配偶比较积极的方面，然后再继续F8uo(].u-J_g;hP,RC_o。知道自己被赞赏可以帮助平衡随后的批评6rF]ccga-=P2。

STEP 6 Listen
6.倾听

Listen to your spouse and make sure they feel heard. Acknowledge their point of view and validate their position before stating your own.
倾听配偶的心声，确保他们觉得你把他们的话听到心里去了C-0|xqSkCWbA。说出自己的观点之前先承认他们的观点，确认他们的立场iK[;-!D9f.+)h。

STEP 7 Fight fair
7.公平

Fight fair. Stick to the argument at hand, and don't make generalizations or bring up past conflicts. Avoid yelling,dominating the discussion, and unconstructive criticism and insults.
公平地争吵QY]*+%Uv_kPpfuhFMUed。集中于现在争吵的话题，不要一概而论或提起过去的冲突_=bD%(#Y7&Z9qRSp[x。不要大喊大叫，喋喋不休，避免不可理喻的批评或侮辱4]DLEwF[AKMBA。

A University of Michigan study found that earlier death is twice as likely in couples who suppress anger when unfairly attacked.
密歇根大学一项研究发现，受到不公平的攻击而压抑自己的愤怒的夫妻早亡的几率高两倍sJR17%l4Gx]。