In late July, I learned from David Kendall that Starr had negotiated an immunity deal with Monica Lewinsky. Starr was determined to subpoena the President to testify, and Bill had to decide whether or not to cooperate. I agreed that Bill had to testify, and I didn't think there was any reason to worry if he did. It was just another hurdle. David Kendall was briefing Bill and me regularly on developments in the Starr investigation, and I knew the prosecution had requested a blood sample from the President without specifying its significance. David thought it was possible the OIC was bluffing, trying to spook Bill right before his testimony.

我曾在7月底时听肯德尔说过，斯塔尔已与莱温斯基达成不起诉协议。斯塔尔仍执意要传唤总统，比尔必须决定究竟是否配合斯塔尔。我同意比尔应向大陪审团作证，也觉得他并不需要担心后果，这只是另一个难关。戴维·肯德尔仍定期向比尔和我简报斯塔尔调查的最新进展，我因而得知，斯塔尔要求总统提供血样，却未说明原因。戴维认为，独立检察官办公室可能是在故布疑阵，虚张声势。

Early Saturday morning, August 15, Bill woke me up just as he had done months before. This time he didn't sit by the bed, but paced back and forth. He told me for the first time that the situation was much more serious than he had previously acknowledged. He now realized he would have to testify that there had been an inappropriate intimacy. He told me that what happened between them had been brief and sporadic. He couldn't tell me seven months ago, he said, because he was too ashamed to admit it and he knew how angry and hurt I would be.

8月15日一早，比尔照例来唤醒我，只是他没像往常那样坐在床边，却在一旁来回踱步。他首次向我表明，情势发展比他先前所认识到的还严重，现在他必须要作证坦承曾与莱温斯基有过不当亲密关系，但只是逢场作戏。比尔说他感到太羞愧了，所以无法在七个月前向我说明，而且也是顾虑到我会震怒，蒙受伤害。

I could hardly breathe. Gulping for air, I started crying and yelling at him, "What do you mean? What are you saying? Why did you lie to me?"

我简直无法呼吸，只能大口吸气，然后边哭边对他大吼：“你是什么意思？你说什么？你之前为什么说谎？”

I was furious and getting more so by the second. He just stood there saying over and over again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was trying to protect you and Chelsea." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Up until now I only thought that he'd been foolish for paying attention to the young woman and I was convinced that he was being railroaded. I couldn't believe he would do anything to endanger our marriage and our family. I was dumbfounded, heartbroken and outraged that I'd believed him at all.

一时间我震怒不已，而且越想越愤怒。他只是一味站在原地反复说：“对不起，太对不起了。我是为了保护你和切尔西。”我对他吐露的事情实在难以置信。在此之前，我一直认为比尔是欠考虑才会关心莱温斯基，也始终确信外界对他的评判都过于轻率。我从没想到他会做出危害我们婚姻和家庭的事情。我是那么的信任他，所以我实在哑口无言，心碎而又愤怒。