Hi there. Welcome to The Ellen DeGeneres Show where Andy and I are still playing the world's longest game of keep away.

大家好啊 欢迎来到艾伦秀 我和安迪还在玩世界上最漫长的游戏——保持距离

Hi Andy. Hi there. Hi, dear. Hi, dear.

嗨 安迪 嗨 嗨 亲爱的 嗨 亲爱的

Today is Memorial Day, Happy Memorial Day to everyone.

今天是将士纪念日 大家纪念日快乐

It's a national holiday that means that we get to have a long weekend.

这是个国家节日 意味着我们要有一个长长的周末了

This year it's going to be about 30 to 60 days.

今天可能有30-60天

Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer, so it's time to get out your bikinis and then put them over your face because that's the law now.

将士纪念日是夏天的非正式开端 所以大家可以拿出自己的比基尼了 把它罩在脸上 现在这是法律规定

Since summer is here, you're finally allowed to wear white.

既然夏天来了 大家终于可以穿白色衣服了

Although if you've been eating Cheetos like I have, you probably shouldn't.

如果你跟我一样一直在吃奇多 那还是别穿白色了

It is a tough time right now. Being in quarantine is making everyone go a little crazy.

现在是艰难时期 隔离让大家都有些抓狂

I don't need to tell you that, you can probably tell by the mop with a face on it standing behind me and the man in my garden.

这个不需要我说 看我身后放着一个带脸的拖把和我院子里的那个家伙 你就懂了

But I want to help keep us all sane, or somewhat sane, so I'm looking for happy and uplifting stories to share with you.

但我想帮助大家保持理智 或者起码残存点理智 所以我在找快乐和积极的故事跟大家分享

As someone once said, sometimes the best stories are right in front of you.

就像某人说过的 有时候最好的故事就在你眼前

I don't know who said that. Maybe they were smart, maybe they were lazy. I don't know.

不知道谁说的 也许他们很聪明 也许他们很懒 不清楚

Anyway, it turns out that recently some people who work on this show had babies, and that is definitely good news.

最近 我们节目组有些人迎来了新宝宝 真是好消息啊

It's amazing news, so to all the new moms, congratulations, you've done something that I can't imagine--

太棒了 所以恭喜所有的新手妈妈们了 你们做到了我难以想象的事

going through quarantine without alcohol.

在隔离期间滴酒不沾

I'm sure none of these people had any idea that they'd be having their babies in quarantine nine months ago.

我相信这些人九个月前一定想不到自己生孩子的时候会是在隔离器

When was nine months ago? Andy, when was nine months ago? That's--

九个月前是什么时候？安迪 九个月前是什么时候？是

Yeah, it was a while ago. Backwards. Yeah. July?

嗯 有段时间了 以前 对 七月？

Yeah, let's call it July now. OK. It's sometime in the summer. Thank you.

嗯 我们就说是七月吧 好 反正是夏天 谢谢你了

So those of you on my staff who had babies, I want to say, I know what you did last summer.

生了孩子的员工们 我想说 我知道你们去年夏天干了什么哦

The dirty stuff. These are the jokes. Yeah, they're good jokes.

污污的事情 开玩笑的 嗯 开得好

It was a long way to go for a joke, really, and I'm not sure it was a joke, but it was humor.

也说不上是玩笑 不一定是玩笑 但是幽默啊

Yeah, you know what they were doing, they were doing the--

嗯 你知道他们做了什么 他们在

Yeah, and that was-- it was a movie, so what I did is I took the movie title--

嗯 那是个电影 我借用了电影名

Yes. And I inserted it-- Yes. After in an explanation of-- It implied--

对 然后插入 嗯 然后解释了 它暗示了

When they had a baby. Yes, intercourse. Oh, OK.

他们什么时候有了孩子 对 房事 哦 好吧

You know, traditionally on the show, I celebrate new babies by rating them on a scale of one to 10, and that's what I am going to do right now.

按照往常的惯例 我会从1到10给宝宝们打分 来庆祝他们的诞生 现在咱们开始吧

It is time for our segment Ellen, Rate My Baby.

到了“艾伦 给我的宝宝打分吧”的环节了

Boop. This is not a competition. There are no losers, but there will be a winner.

咘 这不是比赛 没有失败者 但会有获胜者

All right first our E-commerce Manager Paxton and his partner Lindsay had a baby girl named Bo.

好 第一个 我们的电商经理Paxton和他的伴侣Lindsay有了个小女儿 叫Bo

I shall now rate their baby. Well, she looks a little confused, which is a very appropriate expression right now, so that's plus 8 points.

现在给她打分 她看起来有点困惑 这个表情非常应景 加8分

She doesn't have any products from the Ellen Shop near her.

她身边没有一件艾伦店铺的产品

Apparently our E-commerce Manager can't get his hands on his own products that he manages to sell, so minus 2 points.

很明显 我们的电商经理连自己的卖的产品都拿不到 减2分

But maybe Paxton is so good at selling the Ellen Shop products that there weren't any left for his own baby.

但也许是Paxton把艾伦店铺的东西卖的太好了 没有剩下任何东西给自己的宝宝用

Exactly. That's commitment right there, so plus 20 points. It's a total of 26 out of 10 points.

确实 太敬业了 加20分 最后是10分得了26分

That's a good score. Our Executive Producer Derek became a grandfather. Yep.

很高啊 我们的监制人Derek当爷爷了 没错

How is that possible? You've been telling everybody you're 38 years old. I know.

怎么可能？你一直告诉大家你才38岁呢 是啊

He does look amazing. He really does. Handsome.

他看起来很年轻 真的 很帅

Handsome and young. Derek's daughter Lindsay had a baby boy named Havey.

又帅又年轻 Derek的女儿生了个儿子 叫Havey

I've seen a picture, and it was a gorgeous little baby. Look at that.

我看过他的照片 超级漂亮的小宝宝 看啊

I shall rate Derek's grandbaby. Yeah. I see Derek's face in Harvey.

现在给Derek的孙子打分 嗯 能在Harvey身上看到Derek的影子

Derek had that same look when we told him he had to figure out a way to shoot this show from my house using Zoom.

我们跟Derek说他得想办法用Zoom在我家里录制节目的时候 他就是这个表情

That was his expression right there. You want to what?

跟宝宝一模一样 你想干什么？

Hamana, hamana, hamana.

哈吗呐 哈吗呐 哈吗呐

Family resemblance is plus 6 points.

家族相像性加6分

I'm mad that I can't pinch his little fat rolls while we're in quarantine, so that's minus 2 points.

隔离期我不能捏一捏他的小肉圈儿 太生气了 减2分

It's an automatic one point for each roll, that's 22 points, it's a total of 26 out of 10 points.

每个圈儿自动加2分 那就是22分 最后是10分得了26分

That seems like a tie so far. Ding. Ding. Just go--

目前还是平局哈 叮 叮

I'm just trying to find a ding. Yeah, horn.

我想找个叮的声音 嗯 喇叭

Our Associate Producer Taylor did not have a baby, but she did adopt a new dog from Wagmore a few weeks ago.

我们的联合制片人Taylor没有生孩子 但她几周前在Wagmore收养了一只狗狗

This is her one-year-old. This is Gambler. I shall now rate Gambler.

这就是她一岁的小家伙 叫Gambler 我现在给Gambler打分

Look at those eyes, that's plus 500 points. Those ears, plus 500 points.

看看这双眼睛 加500分 这耳朵 加500分

Those little black nails, they're fancy, 1,000 points.

那小巧的黑指甲 太可爱了 加1000分

That is a total of 2000 points out of 10 points.

最后是10分得了2000分

Gambler is the winner. So Gambler beats the staff babies. Meow.

Gambler赢了 所以Gambler打败了所有员工的宝宝 喵

If you have a baby you want me to rate, post a photo on Instagram with the hashtag #EllenRateMyBaby.

如果你想让我给你的孩子打分 请在Instagram上晒图 带上#EllenRateMyBaby的标签

If you don't have the baby and you want me to rate it, make one, and I'll get to it in January.

如果你没有孩子 还想让我打分 那就造一个吧 我会在一月给你的宝宝打分

January. Right now, I'm going to say hi to someone who knows a-- he knows a thing or two about babies, doesn't he?

一月 现在 现在我要我要问候一个了解 他对宝宝略知一二 对吧？

Oh yeah. tWitch knows a thing about all kinds of things. Yeah, that's one fertile DJ.

哦耶 推奇了解宝宝 没错 我们的DJ儿女成群啊

All kinds of things. Yeah. What's up, Ellen? Hi. Hi, tWitch.

各种东西 嗯 还好吗 艾伦？嗨 嗨 推奇

What's new with your children?

孩子们有啥新消息？

Oh, man. Well, in developmental situations, Zaia is now using this walker thing, so she's mobile now, so the chase has gotten even more real.

哦天 在发育这方面 Zaia现在在用她的学步车之类的 她会走动了 所以我们真得追着她跑

It's so crazy, because it's like in an instant she goes from being this little cute blob that can't really move at all to now knowing her way around the house

太不可思议了 因为好像就在一瞬间 她从一个完全无法移动的可爱肉团儿变成了现在这个在家里四处走动的小家伙

and just wanting to be in everything, which is both inspiring and very stressful at the same time.

她什么都想参与一下 既鼓舞人心又压力山大

Wow. Well, the last time we spoke, you were handing her back and forth because you said she'd like to move around a lot, so Allison and you were moving her back and forth.

哇哦 上次说她的时候 你们还把她递来递去的 因为你说她喜欢活动 所以你跟Allison就来回移动她

She's now using a walker. She's like an-- is it like a thing she sits in and kicks with her feet like The Flintstones or is she like--

现在她就在用学步车了 是那种她坐在里面 然后用脚踢动 就像《摩登原始人》里那样 还是什么

Yeah, the running thing, and she just runs, she does the Fred Flintstone thing and come is able to move all around on the floor.

嗯 会跑的东西 她会跑 她会像弗雷德那样 可以在地上到处移动

Yeah, she loves it. Oh my God. That's hilarious and yet frightening, because she could just go right into a wall.

对 她超喜欢的 哦天哪 又搞笑又吓人 因为她随时可能会撞墙

100%, yeah. But you know, they've got to learn, so you know.

绝对的 不过他们总得要学习的 所以随她吧

But it's got a safety thing around, right? Oh, it's got a safety thing?

但它周围有防护装置 对吧？哦 有防护装置？

So she won't hit the wall. It does, yeah. Yeah.

这样她就不会撞墙了 有的 没错 对

It's like what you make me use in your house, Ellen. Oh, OK. I know. OK.

就像你让我在你家里用的那个东西 艾伦 哦 好 我懂了 好

So, hey tWitch, have you heard about this thing, the fruit snack challenge, have you heard about it?

推奇 你听说过那个水果挑战的游戏吗 你听过没？

I have heard about the fruit snack challenge. Yeah, I have.

我听说了水果零食挑战 嗯 听过

Yeah, I just heard about it. You're supposed put a snack in front of your kid, and then you tell him not to eat it, and you leave the room.

我才知道的 你在孩子面前放个零食 告诉他们不能吃 然后你离开房间

Absolutely. So I want you to test it with your kids.

绝对的 我想让你测试一下你的孩子们

I want you to see, and then we'll show the video next week, OK?

我想让你看看 然后我们下周把视频放出来 好吧？

OK, so we'll-- here's the thing-- we'll try it.

好 是这样 我们试一下

Maddox is a little clever though, so we'll see how it goes.

Maddox现在比较聪明了 我们看看会是什么情况