But first I want to talk about Mother's Day which is Sunday.

首先 我想聊聊母亲节 也就是周日

Now, I am not a mother. I don't have children.

我不是妈妈 我没有孩子

I drink for other reasons.

我喝酒是因为其他事

But if you do have children, I'm sure that you're expecting something nice this weekend.

但如果你有孩子 我相信你这周末一定在期待着美好事情的发生

Some of you will get it, and some of you will get IOUs for a macaroni and cheese dinner somewhere.

有些人能如愿以偿 有些人只会得到我欠你一顿通心粉或者一顿晚饭

Before the show, we asked audience members to tell us the worst Mother's Day gift they ever received.

节目开始前 我们采访了观众他们曾收到的最烂的母亲节礼物

And the worst gift that they've ever given.

以及他们送出的最逊的礼物

And if it was a secret, I'm so sorry, because I'm about to share it with other people in the world.

如果这是你们的机密 那就抱歉了 因为我打算跟全世界分享

OK. This name is interesting. Calasetta.

好 这个名字很有趣 Calasetta

Oh, hi, Calasetta. Hi, Ellen. Oh, hi.

哦嗨 Calasetta 嗨 艾伦 哦 嗨

There's no need to lean down. That mic will--

不需要弯腰 麦能

I'm used to it. Little kids. Yeah. Yeah.

我习惯了 跟家里的小孩对话 嗯 嗯

No, you don't need to. Where do you live?

你不需要 你来自哪里？

I'm currently living in Salt Lake City, Utah. Wonderful. OK.

现在住在犹他州盐湖城 很好 好

You said, I'm a mother of eight, and one Mother's Day my husband gave me an iron.

你说 我有八个孩子 有次母亲节 我老公送给我了一个熨斗

And she put iron in all caps, so she's angry.

她的“熨斗”全是大写的 代表她很生气

And my Iron Man is here today.

我的“熨斗男人”今天来了

Not to applaud for that item, though. I know.

不要为他送的礼物鼓掌 明白

They're not applauding for him. They're applauding--

大家不是在为他鼓掌 大家是在

Why are you applauding? I don't know why.

你们为啥要鼓掌？我不懂

So, why did you-- had you asked for an iron? Did you not own an iron?

你为什么 是你想要个熨斗吗？你没有熨斗吗？

No, no, I mean I ironed his shirts every day for his work with my eight children,

不是 不是 我每天带着八个孩子给他熨工作服

so I guess he decided I need more irons to keep up with the ironing.

我想他可能是觉得我需要更多熨斗好努力干活吧

Sir. Stand up, sir. Yeah. What's your name? Don. Don. Hi, Don. OK.

先生 请起立 先生 嗯 你叫什么？Don Don 嗨 Don 好

What made you think that that would be a wonderful, romantic, rewarding gift for the mother of your eight children who irons your shirts every day?

你为什么觉得送给每天为你熨衣服的八个孩子的妈妈一个熨斗 会是一件很美好很浪漫很值得的礼物呢？

Uh. I think she asked for an iron. No. Yeah.

额 我觉得是她想要熨斗的 没有 嗯

I think she-- maybe to hit you with or something.

我觉得她 可能是用来揍你的

Now, have you made up for that since then?

那你后来有给人家补偿吗？

Have you given her more-- how long ago was this?

有没有给她 这是多久以前的事儿

We'll be married 30 years, so it was with it-- Yeah. Wow.

我们结婚30年了 所以 嗯 哇哦

You're hanging in there. So when the children were younger.

你们还在坚持着呢 是孩子们还小的时候

I have to say that now he dry cleans all his shirts, so-- Yeah.

现在他所有的衬衣都干洗了 所以 嗯

So now you don't have to iron anymore. Good for you. All right.

你再也不用熨衣服了 很好啊 好

But you should make up for that.

但你应该要求补偿的

You should give her something that she likes, like whatever she wants.

你应该送一些她喜欢的东西 任何她喜欢的

I don't know. What kind of thing do you want this year?

我不知道 你今年想要什么礼物？

Ooh. Yeah, he does owe me a cruise. So he promised. OK.

噢 嗯 他欠我一艘游艇 他承诺过的 好

I don't know if that's coming. All right, a cruise, and anything else?

不知道会不会实现 好 游艇 还有别的吗？

Because you should say it here so we keep tabs.

你要在这儿大声说出来 我们帮你记着

Flowers and chocolates. I'm happy with that, too.

花和巧克力 我也挺喜欢的

All right. Look at that, Don. Flowers and chocolates. That's easy enough.

好 听到没 Don 花和巧克力 这不难吧

That's easy enough. All right, now sit down. Thank you, Don.

这个简单 好 请坐 谢谢你 Don

An iron, Don, come on.

熨斗 Don 真有你的

Brooke. Where's Brooke Tucker?

Brooke Brooke Tucker在哪里？

Hi. How are you? Hi, Brooke! Hi, Ellen. Where do you live?

嗨 你好吗 嗨 Brooke 嗨 艾伦 你来自哪里？

I'm from Birmingham, Alabama.

阿拉巴马州的伯明翰

OK, and you said the worst present you gave to your mom were cups that say

好 你说你送你妈妈最烂的礼物是一个杯子 上面写着

"Too bad bitching doesn't burn calories." I know, I know.

“很抱歉埋怨无法燃烧卡路里” 是啊 是啊

Well, my mom's here today. Oh, wow.

我妈妈今天也来了 哦 哇

Did she appreciate-- it's funny, but does she bitch a lot? Is that the thing?

她喜欢 很有意思 不过她经常埋怨吗？那是个问题吗？

Well, I mean. I don't know.

这个 嗯 我不晓得

But I thought that she would either really laugh hard at it or be really upset, and she laughed really hard, so it turned out well.

但我觉得她要么会开怀大笑 要么会很讨厌这个礼物 不过她笑的很开心 所以结果还不错

And you like the cups? Do you still have them?

你喜欢这个杯子？你还留着吗？

Yes, I thought they were funny. Yeah.

对 我觉得挺有意思的 嗯

And if it was true, I'd be skinny, so. Right, right. Yeah.

如果真是那样的话 我就会很瘦了 所以 对 对 嗯

Well, all right. That's not bad.

好 还不错啊

You still have them, and you didn't mind that, and you thought it was funny.

你还留着杯子 你并不介意 还觉得挺有意思的

No, I thought it was hilarious. She was crying she thought it was so funny.

嗯 我觉得特别搞笑 她都笑哭了 觉得很有趣

Oh, good. Well, so that's not so bad. All right, thank you, Brooke.

哦 很好 这个还不错啊 好 谢谢你 Brooke

Emily. Where's Emily? Illibari. Hi. Illibarri. Emily-- Amy Lee. Amy Lee.

Emily Emily在哪里？Illibari 嗨 Illibari Emily Amy Lee Amy Lee

And what is the last name? Eulibre. That's right. All right.

姓是怎么念的？Eulibre 我读对了 好

You say, my ex-husband had my daughter give me a pair of socks with a copy of Fifty Shades of Gray stuffed inside.

你说 我前夫让我女儿给了我一双袜子 里面装着《五十度灰》的副本

And you say, "my ex-husband," so-- That would be why.

你说的是“前夫” 所以 那就是原因

Yeah. That's one of the reasons why? One of them. Yeah. Yeah.

嗯 那是你们离异的一个原因？其中一个 嗯 嗯

Do you still have the movie? Yes. Have you seen it? Yes.

电影你还留着吗？留着 你看了吗？看了

You like it? Yes, I do. OK. All right. Thank you, Amy Lee.

喜欢吗？喜欢 好 好 谢谢你 Amy Lee

All right. Corey. Hi. Hi, Corey. Where do you live?

好 Corey 嗨 嗨 Corey 你来自哪里？

I live in Irvine, California. All right.

加利福尼亚尔湾 好

I wanted to give my mom something sentimental, so I painted one of her favorite photos of me and my sisters.

我想送我妈妈一些比较煽情的礼物 于是我画了一张她最喜欢的我和我的姐妹们的照片

She pretended to love it, but it was a huge fail.

她装作很喜欢 但我知道我画的很失败

And you sent us the pictures, so we'll show everybody-- how old were you when you--

你把照片发给我们了 来看一下 你那时候多大

Ellen, I'm sorry to say, I was like 20, 22. Oh.

艾伦 很抱歉告诉你 我那时候20 22岁的样子 哦

I wasn't little. I thought you'd be like 12 or something. I know.

不小了 我还以为你12岁左右呢 是啊

I promise I'm an artist, but this was a huge fail.

我真的是名艺术家 不过这个画的超级失败

Oh, you are an artist? Do they sell? I do more characters, not portraits.

哦 你是艺术家啊？你的作品能卖出去吗？我比较多画人物 不画肖像

No more portraits. All right, well, those are characters I think.

再也不画肖像了 好 这张就是人物啊

And my mom was kind enough to keep it up hanging in her house for 10 years.

我妈妈把它挂在房间里10年了 她很贴心

Wow. I know. That's love. That's nice, or it's the best thing you've ever done.

哇哦 是啊 这就是爱 她真贴心 也或许这是你干过的最漂亮的事

I don't know what it is. Which one are you? In the middle?

谁知道是哪种情况呢 哪个是你？中间那个吗？

I'm the one in the pink. We're identical triplets, so. OK. All right.

我是穿粉色衣服的那个 我们是三胞胎 好 好

You're identical triplets? Yeah. This gets better and better.

你们是三胞胎？对 真是越来越有意思了啊

It does. All right. Well, I think it's fantastic, and I love that she kept it for so long.

确实 好 我觉得很不错 你妈妈留这么久真好

Thank you for sharing. Thank you so much.

感谢你的分享 非常感谢大家

You and your moms deserve better, so if I shared your story on TV, you're all getting an iron.

你们和妈妈们值得拥有更好的 所以如果我分享了你们的故事 你们将得到一个熨斗

Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

对 没错 对 对