How are you? I'm great. And you are about to host the Oscars, Sunday night, again.

近来咋样？挺好的 周日晚上 你又要主持奥斯卡颁奖典礼了

Oh no. And I'm glad. I said-- when you did it last time--

哦 不要啊 我很开心 你上次主持的时候

I said they should just keep you as the host.

我觉得他们应该一直让你主持

You should just be the host every single year because-- Why would you do that to me?

每次都该让你主持 别这么残酷啊

Thank you, but-- Because I think you're that good.

谢谢 不过 我觉得你做的很好

Well, that's nice. I think you're the perfect host. Oh.

谢谢 你是最完美的主持人 哦

But, I mean, what a year. You've had a really, really busy year.

不过 这一年可真是啊 你忙得不可开交

A lot is going on in your life, personally.

私人生活也发生了很多事

And why would you choose to do that to yourself?

你为什么要这么对自己呢？

I don't know why I do anything, really.

其实 我做任何事都不知道是为什么

I just, sometimes, things seem like a good idea.

有时候 就觉得是个好主意罢了

And I go right along with them.

我就直接行动了

And, in fact, it was right after-- you know we had that whole incident, with the envelope, at the end of the show last year.

其实 之后 你知道那次意外 去年颁奖典礼快结束时拿错信封的那次

And, which was not my fault, by the way. I just can't say that enough.

那不是我的错 我一直都是这么认为的

Some people think it was a prank that I was pulling. Not a prank I was pulling. No.

有人觉得这是我故意搞的恶作剧 其实并不是 不是

And if it was a prank I was pulling, it would have been on Matt Damon.

如果我要搞恶作剧 那肯定是针对马特·达蒙

It would not have played out how it did.

肯定不是当时那个样子

But they asked me the day after the Oscars happened.

不过颁奖典礼第二天有人问我

And I feel like, maybe, they felt sorry for me because I got caught up in the whole envelope thing.

我感觉 他们可能比较同情我 因为我被卷进了这次意外中

And I said, yeah, that would be great. And next thing you know, here we are.

我说 嗯 谢谢你们 接下来 我们就在这里见面了

And people don't understand how hard of a job it is because it is your job just to keep things going.

人们不理解这个任务有多难 因为你的职责就是让一切按部就班

It's not about you, it's about the nominees.

重点不是你 而是被提名人

But at the same time, there's a lot of pressure to start-- the tone has to be right and--

但同时 也有很多压力 语调要合适

Did you say it's not about me? Nope.

你刚才是说了重点不是我吗？没有

Well, I'm going to have to go right back to the drawing board.

我得倒回去想一下

Yeah. Yeah, this is a weird year because there are a lot of very serious things happening.

嗯 对 这一年很怪异 发生了很多大事

And, of course, the Oscars are still several days away.

当然 奥斯卡还有七天就开始了

Who knows what's going to happen between now and then? Yeah.

谁知道在这之间会发生什么呢 对

So you do want to be appropriate and respectful but, also, more importantly, I want to be funny, you know.

肯定是要举止端庄 充满敬意的 不过 我觉得最重要的是要好玩

I mean, nobody remembers appropriate or respectful. No. No, they don't.

谁都不会记住你的端庄和尊敬 不 他们记不住

And you are funny, always. You surprised me on my birthday show.

你一直都很好玩啊 我过生日的时候你太让我惊喜了

You came out wearing a ridiculous ice skating.

你穿着一件特别滑稽的滑冰服

I thought you were going to break your-- I can't believe you came out-- you almost fell so many times.

我还以为你会 难以置信你出来的时候 好多次你都差点摔倒

Can I tell you something? First of all, I don't know how to ice skate.

我能说点啥吗？首先 我根本就不会滑冰

Secondly, ooh boy, this is not a good look. I was--

其次 哦 天 这个样子太丑了 我

I never see that part of myself. Yeah. There you are.

我还从来没自己看过呢 嗯 那就是你

So as if that wasn't embarrassing enough. Oh wait.

好像还不够尴尬似的 哦 等一下

Yeah, I did bring you a special gift. Yep.

嗯 我给你带了份特殊的礼物 嗯

I found that in, in the green room. I was looking at it.

我是在休息室里拿的香蕉 我当时看着你

I was going to say, what do you have?

我还在想 你拿了什么呢

So, after that happened, you know, it was, it went well, and everybody seemed happy.

我上台之后 一切都还行 挺顺利的 大家也很开心

I go back to my dressing room and the First Lady, Michelle Obama, was here.

我回到更衣室后 第一夫人 米歇尔·奥巴马在那儿

And they said, Mrs. Obama would love to say hello to you before she goes out to do her segment on Ellen.

他们说 奥巴马夫人在上台参加艾伦秀之前 想先跟你打个招呼

Which means I have to go in there, dressed like that.

也就是说我得穿成那样去见她

Yes, that's right. And, really, nothing is left to the imagination.

没错 真是 一览无余啊

Top five most embarrassing moments of my life. Yes.

我一生中五大最尴尬的时刻 嗯

That is a great picture. I know. That's how I felt too, yeah. Oh. Yeah.

照片很好啊 是的 我也是那种感觉 嗯 哦 对

That was bad, that was really bad. No, that was not bad, that was great.

很丑 太难看了 没有 不难看 很好

I feel like I should be deported for that. Yeah.

我感觉我可以因为这个被放逐了 嗯

But you can see, well, I have a great body and I like to share it with everyone.

不过你能看到 我身材很好 喜欢到处显摆

Yeah. I was honored that you would share that with me.

对 很荣幸你能在我面前显摆