Today is the Jewish New Year.

今天是犹太人的新年

So in honor of the Jewish New Year, I replaced my rap air horn

为了纪念犹太新年 我把我rap版的气笛声

with the traditional Jewish instrument, the shofar.

换成了传统的犹太乐器羊角号

According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5778 and I'm still writing 5777 on my checks.

根据犹太日历 新的一年是5778年 而我的支票上还写着5777

Ah. Also, it's Monday, and you all seem to be in a good mood.

啊 另外 今天是周一 大家心情看起来还不错

But in case you're not, I want to make sure you start your week off right.

不过以防你不开心 我想让你们这一周有个好的开头

So I found some web videos that should put everybody in a good mood.

所以我在网上找了些照片 让大家高兴起来

By law, I have to show at least one cute cat video, so I'll get that out of the way, right away.

根据规则 我至少要给大家看一个动物视频 所以第一个就是它了

Awwww. I know it. This kitty's like, let me in.

嗷 就是啊 这只小喵在说 让我进去

I want to be-- get some of that. Let me in. I-- I want to be in there.

我也想抱抱 让我进去 我要加入你们

They're not even disturbing the other two.

那两只好像丝毫不受影响

They're sound asleep. He's looking for something to drink I think.

依然睡梦香甜 我觉得它是在找奶喝

He's-- Aww, that's cute. So adorable. All right.

它 嗷 太可爱了 很萌 好

There are some videos online that-- that show you how to open a wine bottle if you don't have a corkscrew.

网上有些视频 告诉你没有开瓶器的时候怎么开酒

These are-- this apparently you can use a shoe to open a wine bottle.

这是 很明显 你可以用鞋子打开红酒瓶

So if you're drinking wine and you don't have a wine opener then something's wrong.

如果你想喝红酒 又没有开瓶器 然后就出事了

Oh my God.

哦 我的天

Yay!

耶

So, yeah. Apparently he doesn't have glasses either.

对 很明显 他也没有杯子

No wine screw, no-- no corkscrew.

没有开瓶器 没有开塞钻

All right and here's someone trying it for the first time who didn't do it right.

好 这个人第一次尝试这么做 结果搞砸了

Ooh. Yeah, all right. This next video went viral over the summer.

哦 嗯 好 下一个视频这个夏天火爆了

It's a nun throwing out the first pitch at Chicago White Sox game.

是一名修女在芝加哥白袜队比赛上开第一球的视频

Yeah. That was impressive.

嗯 很厉害

Yeah, that was impressive but, I also found some footage of what happened later in the game.

嗯 她很厉害 不过我也找了些晚些时候在比赛中发生的事

Sister Mary Jo who-- who's going to throw out the first pitch.

Mary Jo修女 即将发出第一球

See that and now, it breaks out again. And this is a good one, folks.

看到了吧 现在 又失败了 这个很精彩啊各位

Now he's going off-- he knew it was going to happen.

现在他 他就知道会这样

You said it was going to happen to Kansas City.

你说堪萨斯城会这样

These two teams are going to have some problems. That's absolutely.

这两队要打架了 肯定的

took exception to it, and there was a wild swing.

现场乱成一锅粥啊

That's just absolutely stupidity.

真是太蠢了

That's all it is, sheer stupidity! Aww.

真的 蠢到家 嗷

You know, sometimes I look at things and I think, oh, that's too stupid, I won't show them.

有时候我看到某些东西会觉得 真是太蠢了 我不要给大家看

And sometimes I think that's just stupid enough.

有时候又觉得就要这么蠢才能给大家看

So this next video is a man giving a self-defense lesson.

下一个视频是一个人在上正当防卫课

I think-- I think he was trying to give a self-defense--

我觉得他应该是在演示自我防卫

I don't know, but it doesn't matter. It's enjoyable.

不知道 不过无所谓了 很好玩儿