It's not fair! It's my money!
不公平！这是我的钱。
I know. But it's what Brad wanted.
我知道，但这是布莱的心愿。
Ok which one is she?
这人是谁？
Uh, that's Brad's widow.
呃，她是布莱的遗孀。
Oh, why she so upset?
她为什么这么伤心？
'Cause she just found out she was cut out of the will.
她发现她不是遗产受益人。
Ugh, doesn't she know you can't define yourself in terms of money? That it's about values and morals, and your ability to give and receive love.
难道她不知道你不能用金钱来衡量吗？这涉及价值、道德和你接受与给予爱的能力。
No!
不知道。
Oh Drake.
德瑞克！
I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
抱歉，安柏。布莱就是这样子说的遗言。
I'm sorry I'm late, what happened?
抱歉，我迟到了，怎么样？
We, we just wanna see the end.
我们在看结局。
I want you Drake.
我要你，德瑞克。
I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
这个我知道，但我们永远不可能会有结果的。
What?
什么？
There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your halfbrother.
有件事我一直没有告诉你，我是你的同父异母哥哥。
So what happens next?
那后来怎么样呢？
Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other halfbrother, Ramone.
我帮连体婴动分割手术，得了医学奖。然后我跟安柏去委内瑞拉，找另外一个同父异母哥哥雷蒙…
And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
我找到了最大的翡翠，那真的很大...但是它受到了诅咒。
God that is good TV.
天啊，真是个好节目。
Come on Pheebs, play with meeee.
菲比，跟我玩嘛。
No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, humanrights violation.
不，这种游戏太畸型了。居然把二十个手无寸铁的男人，串成一长条…被迫无止境地踢足球，简直是侵害人权嘛。
Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
哦，菲比，不要为他们难过。等他们踢完足球之后…我把塑料小姐拿出来，大家都会非常开心的呀。
Why don't you play with your roommate?
你干嘛不跟你室友玩？
Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball.
哦，他...他不爱玩桌上足球。
Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?
你跟那个新来的处得不好吗？
No he's, he's all right, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room.
不是啊，他很好，只是，多数的时间都关在房间里。
Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
我想那也许是因为，你没有花时间去了解他。我们来补救，好不好？
We don't need to remedy that.
我们不需要补救。
Oh yeah, it'll be fun.
要啊，会很好玩的。
What was that?
什么事？
Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
我只是想我们三人来喝点啤酒，彼此了解一下，会很有意思。
Yeah alright, that sounds alright.
好呀，听起来不错。
Oh good, ok. Oh, nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.
好的！不行，我得走了。因为我还要赶去…“绿蛋与火腿”的研讨会。（瑟斯博土最畅销的儿童小说）今天晚上主题是… “为什么不在火车上吃呢？”。好好玩，拜。
That was so lame.
好烂的借口。
I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him.
我知道，好啦，你跟他聊天吧！
So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets or. .?
你想那个赛车手，被开了多少罚单啊…？
That's good, that's good. So, so, so who broke up with who?
好笑…谁甩了谁啊？
What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
你开什么玩笑？我甩了她呀。她真的以为肖恩·潘（影星）是柬埔寨的首都（金边）。
That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
有没有搞错？大家都知道柬埔寨的首都是…
Well it's not Sean Penn.
不是肖恩·潘...
Alright, I got a funny one, alright? My last girlfriend, Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right.
好，我有个好笑的好，我前任的女友叫提莉。我们在吃早餐，我做了很多薄松饼，大概有五十多个吧。
And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't wanna see you anymore.'
突然间她转过来，她就说，“艾迪”，我答道，“哎”，她说，“艾迪…我不想再跟你见面了。”
And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, andand smeared it all over my life, you know.
那就好像是，她把手伸进我的胸膛里…挖出了我的心，把我的生活搞得乱七八糟的。
And now there's like this incredible abyss, you know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
那就像我面前有一个深渊，我就一直往下掉，我就一直往下掉，永无止境地往下掉。这个故事不太好笑，是不是？
And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played maracas. That's it, thanks, good night.
一个坏脾气老头说我尽量，其他老鼠开始摇响葫芦。唱完了，谢谢，晚安。
Phoebe's got another job, right? {Her songs are awful. }
菲比还有别的工作吧？
Great set tonight Pheebs.
唱得很好，菲比。
I know.
我知道。
Well, we should probably get going.
我想我们该走了。
Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the morning.
我们也该走了，明天早上八点还有病人。
You know, I was thinking. You know how we always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe tonight we'd stay at my place.
知道吗？我在想，我们老是在你那边过夜，或许今晚改住我那边啊。
I don't know, I don't have my jammies.
我不知道，我没有带我的睡衣。
Well, maybe you don't need them.
或许你不需要。
My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.
我的小妹妹，各位先生女士。
Shut up, I'm happy.
闭嘴，我很快乐。
Oh, this is so nice. All right I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
这太棒了，我必须说几句话。我只是想说，在莫妮卡交过的为数众多的男友当中…我最喜欢你了。
Oh, thank you Pheebs. That's very sweet. Ok.
谢谢你，菲比，嘴真甜。好的。
You hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there've been a lot.
听到了吗？她最喜欢我，而且你显然有过很多。
Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
没有啦，菲比在说笑吧，菲比是疯子。
Phoebe's dead.
菲比死定了。
Hi. Hi.
你好。你好。
I'm looking for Eddie Minowick.
我找艾迪。
Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fish tank?
他现在不在，我叫钱德。要我帮你留话 还是…拿鱼缸呢？
Thanks.
谢了。
Oh, oh, come on in.
请进。
I'm Tilly.
我叫提莉。
Oh.
噢。
I gather by that 'oh' that he told you about me.
看你这个样子，他一定跟你提过我了。
Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
提过，你的名字在一段…令我惊心动魄的对话中，曾经出现过了。
He's kind of intense huh?
他这人有点激烈吧？
Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...
对呀，请问你，艾迪是不是有一点…
A little what?
有一点怎么样？
Bit country? Or uh, you know a little bit rock and roll? Come on in here you roomy.
有点乡村风格？或者，摇滚风格？快进来呀，室友！
Hello Tilly.
嗨，提莉。
Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.
艾迪，我只是把鱼缸送过来。
That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thoughtful.
你想得真是周到，非常体帖。
Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye.
就这样了，我要走了，再见。
Byebye. Bye.
再见。再见。
So, we getting a fish?
那么我们养鱼了，是不是？
You had sex with her didn't you?
你们上床了，是不是？
Pheebs, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.
菲比，你看…
Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's one of my favorite digests.
《肥皂剧文摘》我最喜欢的文摘之一！
Page 42, page 42, page 42.
42页…
Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey, 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.
好的...哇哦，医界新秀“我们的日子”乔伊崔比亚尼。好酷的照片！
Yeah. Oh, I look good.
我好帅。
Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
这是真的吗？很多台词都是你自己写的吗？
Uh, well, kind of, yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident?
可以这么说啦。比如，你记得上礼拜，阿莱克斯出了事那一集吗？
Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
剧本上的台词是…“我们不送这女人去医院的话，她会死的”。被我改成了，这个女人不去医院就医的话…她会活不成的。
Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?
我懂你做了什么了，那你不怕那些编剧，看到这篇文章会有点生气吗？
Huh? I never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house.
我倒没有考虑到那些编剧，剧本总是送来我家。
But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?
但你知道吗？这样让我很有面子，也因为这样子，节目有面子…也因为这样子，编剧有面子，他们怎么可能会生我的气呢？
Makes up most of his lines. Sonofa. Yeah, well, write this jerk weed.
他编了自己大部份的台词，很好…写这个，混蛋。
I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?
我跌下了电梯井？这什么意思？我跌下了电梯井？
Delivery Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.
我不知道，我只是送剧本过来。
They can't kill me; I'm Francesca's longlost son.
他们不能杀我，我是弗兰西斯卡失散的儿子呀。
Right. Could you sign this?
对，请你签收，好吗？
No. No way, I'm not signing that.
我才不签呢！
I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.
我不认为，对那个节目的剧情会有影响啊。
How can they do this to me?
他们怎么能这么对我？
All right, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.
好吧，我要走了很遗憾。
Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.
也没有那么多个啦。我是说，如果你考虑到，全世界有多少男人…那个比例非常小。
Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.
没什么大不了的，我只是…好奇罢了。
Good night.
晚安。
Night Richard. Good luck Mon.
晚安，理查，祝你好运，莫妮卡。
All right, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell me how many women you've been with?
好，在我说之前，你先说你有过几个女。
Two.
两个。
Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have you seen you?
两个？…那怎么可能？…你知道你长得有多帅吗？
Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.
我能说什么呢？我跟芭芭拉做了三十年的夫妻。我们在高中就认识了加上你，一共两个。
Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth.
那就两个吧。该上床了，我要去刷牙了。
Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. Come on it's your turn. Oh come on. You know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
你先等一等。来啊，换你了快说呀。我不需要确切数字，只要约略估计的（有“棒球场”的含义）就可以了。
Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
绝对比一个“棒球场”少。
Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.
真庆幸现在我，不是莫妮卡。
Tell me about it. So what's, what's your magic number?
那还用说，你的神奇数字是多少？
Uhhhooo.
啊嗯。
Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
来嘛，我交过的你都认识，两个你都认识。
Well, there's you.
有你。
Better not be doing these in order.
最好不要排名。
Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo.
比利，皮特，贝瑞，还有…保罗。
Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
对，托里尼来的蠢蛋。
Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, come on, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.
亲爱的，你嫉妒保罗吗？算了吧，和他从没像跟你在一起这么快乐过。
Really?
真的？
Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was, was just, you know, meaningless animal sex. Ok, you know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.
拜托，跟保罗那一段根本就不能算。那只能算是，无意义的野兽的性关系。我这么说让我自己觉得好多了。
Eddie, I didn't sleep with your exgirlfriend.
艾迪，我没有跟你的前任女友上床。
That's very interesting, you know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.
有意思，因为跟她上过床的人，都会这么说。
This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.
你疯了，你疯了，是不是？她只来了两分钟而已…丢下鱼缸就走了，就是这样。
Where's Buddy?
巴迪在哪里？
Buddy?
巴迪？
My fish, Buddy.
我的鱼，巴迪。
There was no fish when she dropped it off.
她根本就没有带鱼来，里面没有任何东西。
Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, firstfirstfirst you sleep with my exgirlfriend and then you insult my intelligence by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
这真令人难以置信！你先跟我的前任女友上床，以为我会笨到去相信你的谎言。然后你杀了我的鱼，我的巴迪？
Hey, I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...
我没有杀你的鱼啊。你听我说，艾迪…
Would you look at what I'm doing here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangelo?
你看我在做什么啊，那样太不聪明了。所以我们要把那个家伙，给拿开…把它放到我的口袋先生里。来个橘子吧？
That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
就这样吗？这就是你害怕告诉我的庞大数目吗？
Well yeah.
是的。
Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinking it was like a fleet.
还不错啊，你害我以为你有一舰队的人。
You really ok with it?
你真的觉得没关系？
Oh honey, I'm fine.
亲爱的，没关系。
Oh, yay. Ok, about that two.
对了，关于那两个…
What? All right, what about my two?
什么？好吧，我的“两个”怎么了？
Well, it just seems like a really small number.
只是听起来真的好少喔。
Right, and...
对，那么...
And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sow? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
我是说，难道你没有许多的燕麦去播种吗？你现在就是在那样对我吗？天啊，我是燕麦吗？
Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
亲爱的，你不是燕麦。我的意思是...我不知道，我猜我不是那一型的。我只跟我爱的女人上床。
But you've only slept with two people.
但是你只跟两个人上过床。
Right.
对。