Joey:"Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school."
“哈克，你上科学课总是让我捧腹大笑。”，“你是全校最有趣的学生。”
Chandler: Funniest? Heckles?
最有趣？哈克？
Joey: That's what it says.
上面是这样写的。
Chandler: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I.He was right. Would you listen to that?
哈克被选为班上的活宝，我也是他说得对！听听那个噪音？
Phoebe: I'd call that excessive.
我会觉得的确是很吵闹。
Chandler: Whoa!
什么？
Joey: What?
怎么了？
Chandler: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
哈克在乐队演奏竖笛，我也是。他参加模型俱乐部，我也…虽然我的学校没有俱乐部，但我觉得模型很酷。
Joey: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.
所以你们两个都是书呆子，没什么值得大惊小怪。
Chandler: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me, me and Heckles...Hey, would you knock it off?
我觉得很怪，哈克与我…哈克与我，我…我与哈克。喂，别吵好不好！
Chandler: Bah!
嘣！
Joey: Have you been here all night?
你整晚都在这里？
Chandler: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them.
看看这个，哈克交往过的女人照片。看看他在上面写的。
Chandler: Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
“薇安，太高大”，“玛姬，牙龈太大”，“太大声”，“太聪明”，“吃东西发出声音”这就是我。这就是我的作法，我会像他一样孤独终老。
Joey: Chandler, Heckles was a nutcase.
哈克是个神经病。
Chandler: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
我们的思考方式一样。我比他晚了30年，但每一站都是一样愁苦城…孤独镇，隐士村！
Joey: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
你知道我们该怎么办么？我们应该离开这里，我请你吃早餐。
Chandler: What if I never find somebody? Or even worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it 'supposebly?'
要是我一直找不到伴侣怎么办？或更糟的，我已经找到了…但我却因为她把“或许”说成“厚许”就甩了她？
Joey: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
钱德，好啦，你会找到对象的。
Chandler: How do you know that? How?
你怎么知道？怎么找？
Joey: I don't know, I'm just trying to help you out.
我不知道，我只是想帮你下台。
Chandler: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone.
你们将来都会结婚…我会孤独一人。
Chandler: Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
你能不能答应我一件事？你结婚后，过节时能不能请我去玩？
Joey: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doing. I mean, what if we're over her folks' place?
我不知道，我们会怎么样。要是我们到她的父母那里过节呢？
Chandler: Yeah, I understand.
好吧，我了解。
Joey: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
你可以过来看超级杯，每一年都来，怎么样？
Chandler: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.
我不要像这样子下场！待会见，兄弟。
Joey: Supposebly. Supposebly. Did they go to the zoo? Supposebly.
“厚许”…“厚许”！他们去动物园了吗？“厚许”吧…
Chandler: Hi, it's me.
嗨，是我。
Janice: Oh, my, God.
我的天！
Phoebe: Janice? You called Janice?
珍妮丝？你打给珍妮丝？
Chandler: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
是的，珍妮丝有什么难懂的？
Ross: You remember Janice, right?
你还记得珍妮丝吧？
Chandler: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
是啊，她很聪明，很漂亮，而且很关心我。珍妮丝是我的最后一个希望。
Janice: Helloo! !
你好！
Chandler: Oh...my...God!
喔，天啊！
Joey: Geez, look how fat she got.
她真是胖了不少。
Janice: Hey, it's everybody.
嗨，大家都在这里！
ALL: Hi, Janice.
嗨，珍妮丝。
Chandler: Janice, you're...
珍妮丝，你…
Janice: Yes, I am.
是的，我有了。
Chandler: Is it...
是不是…
Janice: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
是不是你的？没那么好的事，钱德宾！我已经是已婚女士了。
Everyone: Oh, yeah.
太好了。
Chandler: Congratulations.
恭喜。
Janice: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. I couldn't wait for you forever.
亲爱的，真抱歉，我不可能等你一辈子。
Chandler: You couldn't've told me about this over the phone?
你不能在电话上告诉我吗？
Janice: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Oh no, Janice likes to have her fun.
要我错过看到你的表情？才不要！珍妮丝喜欢乐子！
Monica: Hey, Rach. You know what we haven't played in a while? - Rachel: What?
你知道我们很久没玩什么吗？-什么？
Monica: Hide the Lamp.
藏起台灯。
Rachel: Monica, let it go.
莫妮卡，算了吧。
Monica: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?
你知道我对贝类过敏吗？
Rachel: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
看来你只能吃其他台灯了。
Phoebe: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.
可怕的科学家来了。
Ross: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
菲比，这些就是了。在这个手提箱中，我带来了真正的科学证据，可算是一提箱的证据。其中有些化石超过2亿年。
PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.
我要先告诉你，我并不否定进化论，进化论只是可能性之一。
Ross: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
进化论是唯一的可能。
Phoebe: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Now, wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the Earth was flat?
罗斯，你能不能稍稍敞开心胸？以前最聪明的人，不也相信地球是平的？
Phoebe: And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out.
五十年前，科学家认为，原子是最微小的事物。后来科学家击碎了原子，于是产生了各种玩意…
Phoebe: Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
难道你是如此自大…无法承认有一点点的可能…你们科学家也许会犯错？
Ross: There might be...a teeny...tiny...possibility.
是有一点点…一点点…非常一点点…的可能。
Phoebe: I can't believe you caved.
我真不相信你屈服了。
Ross: What?
什么？
Phoebe: You just abandoned your whole belief system. Now I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you.
你放弃了你的整个信仰！以前我虽然不同意你，但我至少尊敬你。
Phoebe: How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Ah! Oh!
但是…明天你要怎么去上班？你要如何面对其他科学家？你要如何面对你自己？
Phoebe: That was fun. So who's hungry?
真好玩，有谁饿了？
Rachel: I am. Let me just get my coat.
我饿了，我去拿外套。
Rachel: Aw!
噢！
Monica: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was, I was putting on my jacket, and the-the thing, and the-the lamp, and it broke.
怎么了？这是意外，我发誓我正在穿外套，台灯就破了。
Rachel: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and now, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?
拜托，莫妮卡！你一直讨厌我的台灯！然后突然间，它就奇迹似地破了？
Monica: Phoebe, tell her!
菲比，告诉她！
Phoebe: Ok, I didn't see it, 'cause I was putting on my jacket, but uh I want to believe you.
我没看到，因为我正在穿外套，但我想要相信你。
Rachel: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
嗨，钱德。莫妮卡打破了我的贝壳台灯。
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
真好，我会死得孤苦伶仃！
Rachel: Ok, you win.
好，算你赢。
Monica: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
钱德，你不会死得孤苦伶仃。
Chandler: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
珍妮丝是我的安全网，现在我必须去养一条蛇了。
Phoebe: Uh huh. Why is that?
为什么？
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face.
如果我会成为孤独老人，我需要养个东西，有个依靠，就像地铁上那个吃自己脸的人。
Chandler: So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, you know. Crazy Snake Man.
我会成为，“养蛇的疯老头”养蛇疯子。
Chandler: And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
然后我会养更多蛇，当成我的子女小孩都不敢经过我的门口！他们会叫道：离养蛇疯子远点！
Monica: You've got to get over this. Ok? You're-you're not gonna end up alone.
你必须想开一点，你不会孤苦伶仃。
Chandler: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
我当然会。我甩掉了所有疯狂得愿意跟我交往的女孩，然后我抱怨找不到好女孩。
Rachel: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
我们所交往的男人…就跟你所描述的一样。
Phoebe: Yeah.
是啊。
Monica: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
你没什么问题，你只是个正常男人。
Rachel: Yeah, honey, she's right. I mean you all do it. This-this one guy stopped seeing me because, because his cat didn't like me.
她说得对，你们做的都一样。有个人不再看我，是因为他的猫不喜欢我。
Phoebe: Or, this guy dumped me because I fell asleep during Spinal Tap.
这家伙甩我或者是因为我在腰椎穿刺的时候睡着。
Chandler: You fell asleep during Spinal Tap?
你在腰椎穿刺的时候睡着？
Rachel: Oh oh that Teddy, what's his name, in high school he stopped seeing you because he thought you were too fat.
泰迪不再看你是因为你太胖了。
Monica: He told me it was because he didn't have time for me because of the play.
他说他没空，是因为要看球赛。
Rachel: Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway my point being, you are no different than the rest of them.
这就是我说的，我的意思是，你与其他人没什么不同。
Monica: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. Yeah, you are totally different.
等一下，等一下。他是不一样，你其实很不一样。
Chandler: In a bad way?
很糟糕吗？
Monica: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
不，亲爱的，是很好的不一样。现在你知道你要什么了，大多数男人根本不知道。你准备好接受风险了，准备好接受伤害，与人亲近。
Rachel: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
你不会孤苦伶仃的。
Phoebe: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
你打电话给珍妮丝，这证明你希望与人厮守终生！
Monica: You made it!
你已经改变了！
Phoebe: You're there!
你不一样了！
Rachel: You are ready to make a commitment!
你准备好做出承诺了！
Chandler: Whoa! Don't know about that.
但是我自己却不知道！
Rachel: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?
你拿了什么？不是你的东西，而你想要打破？
Monica: No. Um, I know you like this, and I-I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.
我知道你喜欢这个，我也要你收下它，在我们公寓会很好看。
Rachel: Thank you.
谢谢。
Monica: That's fine.
没关系。
Chandler: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman Alison, from work, she is great. She's pretty. She's smart.
你们会很高兴知道，明天晚上我有约会。我的同事爱莉森，人很不错。她又漂亮又聪明。
Chandler: And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has a, an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
我一直…没有约她出来，因为她有一个…不寻常的大头！但我不要让这种事情阻止我。看看我，我成熟了。
Joey: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
同学录不能废物回收对吧？
Chandler: I'll take that.
我收了。
Joey: You want his yearbook?
你要他的同学录？
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.
有人说了他的好话，应该留下来。
Monica: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone.
这真的很奇怪，他整个生命都在这公寓度过，现在人去楼空。
Monica: You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person.
我想我们应该为，哈克先生默哀一会儿。他是个麻烦人物，但他是个人。
Monica: You're all going to hell.
你们全都会下地狱。
Rachel: It's really not that big!
其实没有那么大！
Chandler: Taking that with you, huh?
你要拿那个走？
Joey: Oh, yeah.
没错。
Ross: Hey, you coming?
你来吗？
Chandler: Yeah, just a second.
等一下。
Chandler: Goodbye Mr. Heckles.
再见，哈克先生。
Chandler: We'll try to keep it down.
我们会安静点。
Allison: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher wanted?"
我完全学非所用，报纸上什么时候看的到“征求哲学家”？
Chandler: Sure. My God, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting.
对啊。天啊，那真是个大头！在办公室看起来没这么大，也许是因为灯光。
Chandler: My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!
我的头在公司，一定像个高尔夫球那么小。不要想了，快列出你喜欢她的五件事。笑容很美，衣着高雅，大头，大头，还是大头！