Joey: WHOAA! !

哇！！

Chandler: See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.

乔伊，这就是你爸妈叫你不要跳上床的原因。

Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.

看看我，我在做果酱。我早上四点就起来了。

Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?

那么早你怎么买得到水果？

Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, Bet you don't know you can get it wholesale.

在码头那儿买的，你一定不知道可以买到批发价。

Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.

我根本不知道有码头。

Joey: Hey. Hey. Aww, is it broken?

嘿。-嘿。-手臂断了吗？

Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple of weeks.

不，但我得戴着这玩意儿好几个礼拜。

Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?

你有没有告诉医生，你是因为跳上床才受伤？

Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then uh, Chandler sold me out.

不，我编的故事本来有用的，但是，钱德出卖了我。

Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just FELL out of the socket.

抱歉，我想医生不会相信，你说的“手臂就自己脱落了”。

Joey: What is this? Fruit?

这是什么？水果吗？

Rachel: Monica's making jam.

莫妮卡在做果酱。

Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?

我最爱果酱了！我们家怎么从来没有果酱？

Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.

因为孩子们需要买新鞋。

Monica: One into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard.

我得做正事了，我不想再为理查的事伤神。

I needed a plan, plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. Oh Joey don't! It's way too hot.

我需要一个计划，来忘记我的男人。什么事跟男人相反？就是果酱！乔伊，不要！那个太烫了！

Joey: This'll just be my batch, right.

那么这一份就算我的。

Phoebe: Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J.Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.

到此为止。喂，那个穿杰克鲁牌的家伙。你为何跟踪我？这一周来，我往哪儿看都会看到你。

Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters...

你也不回我电话 又把我的信退回来

Phoebe: What?

啥？

Guy: One more chance Ursula, please.

再给我一次机会，拜托，乌苏拉。

Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, oh this is awkward. Wh...

哦，真是太尴尬了。-哦

Phoebe: Um, yeah, 'cause you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.

因为你要找的是乌苏拉，我是菲比，我们是双胞胎。这是真的。

Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!

太好了，我跟错人了。我真是个糊涂蛋！

Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.

你不是糊涂蛋。

Guy: I just, I want-want you to know I didn't used to be like this.

我只想让你知道，我不是总是这样的。

Before I met your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.

在认识你姐姐之前，我只是卖手机的普通人。

Phoebe: Well, I mean look, it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just, this's what she does to guys, ok? It's just...

听着，这不是你的错。这就是她对待男人的方式。懂吗？它只是

Guy: Well, thanks.

谢谢你。

Phoebe: Wait, you know what, I got a little story. When I was in junior high school I went through this period where I thought I was a witch.

等等，我有个小故事告诉你。我在念初中时，我以为自己是女巫。

And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot.

有个辅导老师跟我说的话，我想可以帮助你。

He said ok, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?

他说“你根本不是女巫，你只是个普通学生”。你懂我的意思吗？

Guy: Not really.

不太懂。

Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem like a really nice guy, you know. I just, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?

当我没说。你看起来是个好人。别对自己太苛刻，好吗？

Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here.

没错，我想你是对的，谢谢你对我这么友善。在这里。

Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or? Yeah, ok.

谢谢你。你要不要去喝咖啡？-好啊。

Phoebe: Ok. you don't have to walk behind me anymore.

你不用走在我后面了。

Rachel: Mon? Mon?

莫妮卡？-莫妮卡？

Rachel: 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'

“去买罐子，等会儿回来。莫妮卡盖勒。”

Ross: Wait a minute, look. What? Look, look, look. What, what, what?

等等，你看。-啥啊？-看。-啥？

Ross: It's an empty apartment. Oooh.

整个房子里都没人。

Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.

这间空房子里，只有我们两个。

Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.

我在十分钟内得去上班。好吧，我又不是年度最佳员工。

Ross: There it is. Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. Hey. Hey.

在这里啊！-这就是你要找的啊。嘿。-嘿。

Chandler: Do I look fat?

我看起来很胖吗？

Ross and Noo.

不会啊。

Chandler: Ok, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.

这点我可以接受。当珍妮丝问我时，我回答不，她却认为我说她像母牛。

Rachel: Ok, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.

重头再说一次给我们听。

Chandler: Ok, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her...

珍妮丝说，她今天看起来胖吗？我看看她

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look.

哇。你看看她，你绝不能看。

You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter? Nooo!

你只能回答，就像反射动作 “我看起来胖吗？”，“不。”“她比我漂亮吗？”，“不。”“大小重要吗？”，“不。”

Ross: And it works both ways.

这点男女都适用。

Chandler: Ok, so you both just know this stuff?

所以你们本来就知道这些？

Rachel: You know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.

吵了大概三四十次后，你大概就记住了。

Ross: Ok, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options.

好，比如说…珍妮丝旅行回来，她给你两种选择。

Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Or option 2, you can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?

选择一，她从机场，自己搭计程车回来。选择二，你在领行李的地方，与她碰面，你会怎么做？

Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.

简单，领行李的地方。

Ross: Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.

错了，所以你是单身。其实是第三个秘密绝招。你在登机门与她碰面，这就表现出你对她的爱。

Chandler: Ok, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one.

好，这样真不错。好，我有一个问题，

Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you wanna go to sleep, you want some space.

珍妮丝晚上喜欢抱抱，我当然也喜欢抱抱。不过当你想睡觉时，你会想要一点空间。

So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.

我要怎样告诉她，才不会…不小心又说她胖之类的？

Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddly sleepers. Ok, I'm late for work.

抱歉，我们帮不了你，因为我们都是抱着睡的。我上班要迟到了。

Ross: Oh. All right are you guys gonna come down?

哦。-你们要不要下来？

Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.

好，等一下就去。

Rachel: Ok. Good luck Chandler. Thank you Rachel.

祝你好运，钱德。-谢谢，瑞秋。

Ross: Bye sweetie. Bye honey.

再见，亲爱的。-再见，亲爱的。

Ross: Ok the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.

关于睡觉那件事非常困难，但可以解决。

Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddly sleepers.

我以为你们都是“抱着睡觉”。

Ross: Noo! No, not cuddly, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Ok, come here. Ok, you're in bed... Yeah.

不，不是抱着睡。不是我，只有她。我跟你一样，我需要空间。好，到这儿来。好，现在你在床上-好。

Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion. Yeah.

我还是用垫子好了。-耶。好，你在床上，她在你旁边，抱着你。

Ross: Ok, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you roll away. Hug for her! Roll for you.

现在，你等她逐渐睡着，然后你抱住她，然后把她滚到床的另一边。然后你，你就滚到旁边去。抱住她。自己滚到旁边去。

Chandler: Ok, the old hug and roll.

就像以前的“拥抱与翻滚”。

Ross: Yep. Ok, one question. Shoot. You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?

哦。-好，只有一个问题。-说。-你把枕头当作女生，对吧？

Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?

记得小时候，你妈会把你送到电影院给你一罐果酱和一根小汤匙？

Rachel: You're so pretty.

你真漂亮。

Phoebe: Hi! Hey, Phoebe.

嘿！-嘿，菲比。

Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.

你知道那个跟踪我的人吗？我今天跟他说话了。

Joey: You talked to him. Are you crazy?

你跟他说话？你疯了吗？

Phoebe: Ok, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it, don't spray it.

第一，我没有疯 第二，用说的，别用喷的。

Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but just 'cause he thought I was Ursula.

反正他叫做麦尔康，他也不是在跟踪我我是说，他在跟踪没错，但他以为我是乌苏拉。

And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.

所以他不敢上前来跟我说话因为有禁制令

Chandler: Umm, not feeling better about Malcom.

我还是对麦尔康没有好感。

Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a teensy bit carried away, you know.

不，他不是疯子。他只是个非常热情，极度浪漫的家伙，只是有点过火了。

And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.

我们处得很好，而且他很可爱。

Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.

天啊，你竟然对跟踪你姐姐的人有感觉。

Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.

我要帮他忘记乌苏拉的一切。就像乔伊跟她约会后，我为他做的一样。

Joey: Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean.

我没有跟踪她。

Phoebe: Ok, I asked for the news, not the weather.

我是问新闻，不是问天气。

Monica: Hey guys. Hey Mon.

大家好。-好。

Monica: Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry currant. Aww. Ohh!

乔伊，这是你的，这是黑莓红醋粟酱。-哇哦！

Chandler: Ok, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked, or, or a big tub of jam.

乔伊，我得问你。影印店的那个女孩，全裸还是你要一大缸果酱？

Joey: Put your hands together.

你把两只手放在一起吧。

Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.

你慢慢吃啊，那是最后一批。

Joey: No more jam? !

没有果酱了？！

Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?

你的果酱计划呢？

Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.

我算过了，我每罐得卖17元才能赚回来。所以我有个新计划，就是生小孩。

Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

那你可能需要很大的罐子。

Ross: What are you talking about? I'm talking about me having a baby.

你们在谈什么？-谈我要生孩子的事。

Ross: What? Are you serious?

啥？-你是认真的吗？

Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life.

是啊。果酱计划让我开始，掌握自己的生活。

So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.

所以我就想，什么事对我最重要？因此我就想出，生小孩这个计划。

Ross: Well, aren't you forgeting something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

你是不是忘了什么？那个家伙叫什么？叫“爸爸”！

Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.

我花了28年，找到一个 想与他共度终身的男人。如果我还得再等28年，我就得56岁才生小孩。那样实在太愚蠢了。

Chandler: That's what's stupid?

那样叫愚蠢？

Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers, you know? And there are places that you can go to get that, stuff.

我不需要一个真正的男人，只要他几只会游泳的小家伙。而且你可以在某个地方，得到那些小家伙。

Rachel: Down at the docks again?

又要去码头了吗？