So since you can't travel, I came up with a segment that is going to show you why that's a good thing.

既然大家无法旅游 我想出来了个环节 会告诉大家为什么不能旅游也是个好事儿

I went to TripAdvisor where you can leave hotel reviews, and I looked for the worst reviews that I could find.

我去了TripAdvisor 顾客可以在那里留下酒店评价 我找到了一些最糟糕的评价

It's a brand new segment I'm calling "Don't Go There."

这个全新的环节叫“别去那里”

Let's see, I should get my glasses. Which I didn't -- I gotta get my glasses. Sorry.

我们来看看 我应该戴个眼镜 我没有 我得去找我的眼镜 抱歉

I'm hearing noise in my ear now.

我听到了一些噪音

Audio, I'm hearing like banging.

声音 我听到了撞击声

Yeah, I had to go find my glasses, and they were up on a shelf.

对 我去找眼镜了 放在一个架子上

OK. I got it. OK. Thank you.

好 明白 好 谢谢

There's no need for you to chime in though. Thank you.

你现在不需要插话 谢谢

OK, we can edit that out. All right, this is a review of a hotel in Detroit.

好 我们可以把那段剪掉 好 这是人们对底特律一家酒店的评价

"I stayed here for two nights and found four wasps on the first-- that's a hard word to say, "wasps."

“我在这儿住了两晚上 第一晚上发现了四只黄蜂” 那个词还不好念呢 “黄蜂”

"Wasps." "I stayed here for two nights and found four wasps on the first day,

“黄蜂” “我在这儿住了两晚上 第一晚上发现了四只黄蜂

only to find an actual wasp nest in the curtain of my room.

后来在我房间的窗帘里发现了一个黄蜂窝

When I went to the front desk, they said 'they cannot guarantee there won't be wasps in any other rooms'".

我去找前台的时候 他们说‘他们无法保证其他房间里没有黄蜂’”

See? This is probably making you feel better already.

看到了吧？这可能已经让你们感觉好多了

Unless you have more than four wasps in your house right now, this is a good hotel.

要是你家里的黄蜂不止四只 那这还是个不错的酒店

This is a review of a hotel in Toronto.

这是多伦多一家酒店的评价

"The rooms were about what I expected for the price.

“房间跟我预想的这个价位差不多

However, the sheets seemed as though they hadn't been washed in months.

但是 床单好像几个月都没洗过

And the word 'run' was carved into the broken dresser."

破烂的梳妆台上还刻了个‘快跑’”

Someone took the time to carve "run" into the dresser.

有人在梳妆台上刻了个‘快跑’

Although that doesn't have to be a bad thing really.

虽然这也不完全算是坏事

Maybe they were trying to write this room is a home run and then they got tired.

也许他们是想说这家酒店是家庭经营的 但刻到一半累了

Although now that I think about it, why would they start with the word "run"?

不过我现在想想 他们为什么要先刻“跑”呢？

Why am I trying to make this hotel better than it is.

我为什么要替这家酒店说好话？

It's obviously a terrible hotel. "Run" in the dresser.

这明显就是家很差的酒店 梳妆台上刻着“快跑”

Can you imagine, "tWitch" You're laying in bed and-- This is a review of a hotel in Cancun.

你能想象吗 推奇 你躺在床上 这是坎昆一家酒店的评价

"When I got to my room, I saw something on the floor.

“我进房间的时候 看到地上有东西

I got closer, and it was a lizard-- in giant caps, LIZARD-- I have a huge phobia of lizards.

我靠近发现是一只蜥蜴 长着巨大的冠 蜥蜴 我超级害怕蜥蜴的

So I called the front desk and they moved my room.

我给前台打电话后 他们给我换了间房

When we arrived in my new room, another lizard, three times the size of the first, was at the top of my door.

等我到了新房间的时候 又是一只蜥蜴 是第一只的三倍大 趴在门上

I was up all night. Eventually, I fell asleep, but then when I woke up there was a lizard in my bed.

我一整晚都醒着 后来我睡着了 但是等我醒来的时候 发现有只蜥蜴在我床上

You know what keeps lizards away? Wasps. I assume.

知道什么能驱赶蜥蜴吗？黄蜂吧 我猜

I mean, the person in the wasp hotel never saw a lizard, so I rest my case.

看到黄蜂的那个人从来没看到蜥蜴啊 我的话说完了

Hey, you got a little doggy there.

嘿 有只小狗哎

My little Chihuahua. Sweet doggy.

我的小吉娃娃 可爱的狗狗

All right, one more. And finally there's a review of a guest of an apartment in Spain.

好 还有一个 最后这个是西班牙一家公寓的客人的评价

"Liked-- location. Disliked-- naked old man on balcony."

“喜欢 位置 不喜欢 阳台上全裸的老男人”

Apparently every room has a view of downtown because the man was naked,

很明显 每个房间都能看到下半身 因为那个男的裸着

and I have to say "downtown" instead of "penis" because it's a daytime show.

我得说“下半身”而不是“阴茎” 毕竟这可是日间节目

You know, I like explaining the jokes. It really helps pass the time.

我喜欢解释笑话 是个打发时间的好方法

All right, hopefully that makes you feel better about not going anywhere.

好 希望这能让大家对关在家里感觉好一点