Happy Friday. Are you excited for the weekend?

周五愉快 马上周末了 大家高兴吗

A simple nod of the head would have done, but that's OK.

点下头就可以了 不过你们尖叫也行吧

So strange-- I don't know what it is, but I feel like I already know you.

好奇怪 不知道为啥 我总觉得早就认识你们了

I feel like-- and I'm sure you feel like you already know me.

我觉得 你们肯定也觉得早就认识我了

So I'm going to put you to the test.

所以我要考考你们

There's a game.

这是个游戏

You know the game, two truths and a lie?

大家知道两个事实一个谎言这个游戏吧？

This is not like that.

这个跟那个完全不一样

We're going to play something totally different.

我们要玩一个完全不一样的

And it's called two lies and a truth.

叫作两个谎言一个事实

So I'm going to tell you three facts about me.

我会告诉大家关于我的三个事实

One of them is true-- only one.

只有一个是真的 就一个

And then you have to guess which one it is. OK,

你们来猜哪个是真的 好

one-- listen carefully, because I'm going to pick one of you to guess.

第一个 认真听哦 我待会儿要叫人回答的

Once I worked a coat check at a burlesque club in New Orleans.

我曾在新奥尔良的一家滑稽剧俱乐部做过衣检

Once I starred in a Popeye's chicken commercial.

我曾经出演过Popeye的鸡肉广告

Once I made out with Tommy Lee Jones.

我曾经跟Tommy Lee Jones‌亲热过

All right.

好

The woman-- yeah, with your hand on your chest with the red, right there in the glasses.

这名女子 对 穿红色衣服 手放在胸部的 戴眼镜的

Yeah, all right. Did you listen to all three.

对 好 你三个都听了吗？

I did. I did. All right.

听了 听了 好

And they're right here, in case you want to read them, too. Oh my goodness.

还在屏幕上 如果你需要看的话 天哪

Which one do you think is the truth?

你觉得哪个是真的？

Number three.

第三个

Have you followed my career?

你关注过我的事业吗？

All right. Well, that's not true. That's not right.

好 不对 猜错了

No, the truth of it is I once-- what do you all think?

不对 事实是我曾经 大家觉得是哪个？

One! Two. One! Yeah, yeah.

第一个 第二个 第一个 嗯 嗯

Yes, the majority of you saying one are wrong.

嗯 大多数说一的人猜错了

And the people that said number two is right--

说二的人答对了

Unfortunately, we have proof.

很不幸 我们有证据

Summer jugs from Popeye's. I was very surprised.

Popeye的夏日罐 我很吃惊

I can't stand it. I've got to have it.

我受不了 我一定要拥有它

Summer jugs from Popeye's.

Popeye的夏日罐

But the summer jug special and get free refills all summer long.

夏日罐特供 整个夏天免费续杯

Fill them again and again and again.

一遍一遍又一遍地续杯

Free refills with qualifying purchase.

免费续杯 物美价廉

Summer jugs from Popeye's.

Popeye的夏日罐

Buy your summer jug and get free refills all summer long.

夏天买一罐 整个夏天可以无限续杯

Love that chicken from Popeye's.

喜欢Popeye的鸡肉

It's wonderful. It's just-- gah, it's crazy!

太好了 真的 啊 不可思议

Yep.

对

That's the beginning, right there.

那就是开端

I wish I kept that job.

真希望我当年没有辞职

I could have been selling those sandwiches on eBay.

我本来可以在eBay上面卖这些三明治的

All right, let's do another round.

好 再来一轮

Here we go. I'm allergic to papayas.

开始了 我对木瓜过敏

I took a man to the Emmys as my date.

我带了一位男伴去参加艾美奖颁奖典礼

I entered an Ellen DeGeneres lookalike contest and I lost.

我参加了艾伦·德杰尼勒斯相像者比赛 而且输了

All right, sir, right there. Sir?

好 那位先生 先生？

I'm looking at you. Yes.

我看着你呢 就是你

You're next to the microphone. Yes.

你离麦近 对

What do you think it is? What's the truth?

你觉得是什么 事实是什么？

It would have to be number three because that would be so funny.

一定是第三个 那太有趣了

It would be funny. I believe it to be true. Is it?

是很有趣 我相信那是真的 是吗？

The way you say it makes me want it to be true.

看你说话的样子 我真希望那是真的

I believe it to be true.

我相信它是真的

First of all, I don't know if they have Ellen DeGeneres lookalike contests.

首先 我不知道有没有人举办艾伦相像者比赛

But that would be funny. No, that is not correct.

不过那确实挺有意思的 不对 那不是真的

What's the guess for everybody else?

大家觉得呢？

Two! One. It is number two.

第二个 第一个 是第二个

I took a man to the Emmys as my date.

我带了个男伴去参加艾美奖

Jonathon Schaech was my date, right here. Here's proof.

是Jonathon Schaech 看 这就是证据

Aw. I know it.

嗷 我知道

Should've won an Emmy for that.

为这个就该给我发个艾美奖

Look at that. Look at the way we're looking at each other.

看看 看我们看着彼此的样子

All right, one more round-- when I was 22, I had a pet ferret named Ferret Fawcett.

好 再来一轮 我22岁的时候 有个宠物叫Ferret Fawcett

Portia and I have tiny matching tattoos.

我跟波西亚有很小的情侣纹身

One of my old jobs involved loading containers of white powder on boats.

我曾经做过一份工作 是把白粉箱子往船上装

All right, I'm going to go to this side now.

好 我们来选这边的观众

Well, you're raising your hand in the front row.

前排举手的那位

Yes.

对

What do you think it is? What's the truth?

你觉得是哪个？哪个是真的？

I think it's number one. You think it's number one?

我觉得是第一个 你觉得是第一个？

You're wrong. Can I guess again? Yes, guess again.

答错了 我能再猜一次吗？可以 再猜一次

I want to say two. You did just say it. Then two.

我想说第二个 你已经说出来了 那就是第二个

That's a sneaky way of feeling me out. Yeah, kind of.

那是个很狡猾的方式 相耍我 嗯 有点

When there's only two of them left-- like I'm an idiot.

只剩下两个选项的时候 搞得我跟傻子似的

So two.Well? So two. You're saying two?

第二个 对吗？第二个 你说第二个？

Yes. No. No. I don't have any tattoos.

嗯 不对 不对 我没有纹身

I did-- I don't know if it was white powder, but I did a thing for--

我不知道是不是白粉 不过我

I don't have any proof of this, but I did.

我没有任何证据 不过我确实做了

I helped load, like, supplies on boats that that came in.

我帮忙把送来的货物装到船上

And I don't-- I really don't know.

我确实不知道

My-- all I know is I was really young and I had to sit at a desk and take orders of boats that were coming in.

我只知道我那时候还很年轻 我得坐在桌子前 接受靠岸的船的订单

And the name of my boss was Mr. Escobar.

我老板叫Escobar

That's all I know.

我只知道这些