Everyone here have a good day? Great!

大家今天都开心吗 太棒了

Let's talk about someone who didn't, Donald Trump.

我们来看看今天不开心的人 川普

Because today was the first day of his impeachment trial in the senate.

因为今天是他在参议院弹劾审判的第一天

Now, hang on. Don't get your hopes up. The republicans control the senate.

等下 别抱太多希望 共和党控制了参议院

So, you can expect it to be about as legitimate as a u.s.c. Application from a celebrity's child.

你可以预期 它和名人的孩子申请南加州大学一样合正当

Today was the first day -- how long has this whole thing been going on?

今天是第一天——整件事发生多久了

Imagine if it took regular people this long to get fired from their jobs.

想象一下 如果普通人要花这么长时间才能被解雇

Listen, mike, you're inept at your job. We're definitely going to fire you, but it's going to take about ten months.

听着 迈克 你不称职 我们肯定会解雇你 但我们要花上十个月的时间

Now, back to work." The senate spent the entire first day just hashing out the rules for the trial.

回去干活 参议院花了整整一天的时间来制定审判的规则

It's an exciting day for people who are like, "you know what my favorite part of a book is? The table of contents."

对于有些人来说今天很激动人心 就是“你知道我最喜欢书的哪一部分吗 内容的目录” 这类人

the debate over the rules got off to a pretty bad start when trump's legal team opened with "no take-backs, finders keepers,

关于这些规则的辩论一开始就很糟糕 特朗普的法律团队一开始就这样 “没有收回 谁先说谁就是正确的”

and the president is adamant about this: whoever smelt it dealt it."

总统坚持了这一点 谁先发现 谁就有决定权

It got contentious, but the one thing every single senator could agree on:

这引起了争议 但有一件事每位参议员都能达成共识

Brad and Jen still looked great together. Didn't they?

布拉德和珍在一起还是很棒 是吗

He's in a tux. She's wearing a white dress, they're holding hands. Guys, it's the '90s again and everything is great!

他穿着燕尾服 她穿着白色的裙子 他们手牵着手 伙计们 我们又到90年代了 一切都很棒

If only! Meanwhile, president trump isn't even in the united states.

要是这样就好了 弹劾的同时 特朗普总统甚至都不在美国

He left last night for the world economic forum in davos, switzerland.

他昨晚前往瑞士达沃斯参加世界经济论坛

Or as that's more commonly called, "fleeing the country."

或者更真实的说法是 逃离这个国家

I mean, trump said it was comforting being around skiers in the swiss alps.

我的意思是 特朗普说在瑞士阿尔卑斯山和滑雪者在一起很舒服

Much like his presidency, also going downhill fast.

就像他的总统任期一样 他们也在迅速走下坡路

Moving on, here's a crazy story. According to a new study conducted by researchers in finland, computers are able to identify you by your dancing.

继续往下看 这是一个疯狂的故事 根据芬兰研究人员进行的一项新研究 电脑能够通过你的舞蹈来识别你

Aprently each person's style of dancing is as unique as their fingerprint.

显然 每个人的舞蹈风格都和他们的指纹一样独特

This would be a weird way to identify people in a police line-up.

这将是一个奇怪的方式来确定在嫌疑犯队列中的人

"number three, step forward. Now to the left. Now stop. Hammer time."

三号 出来 来左边 停 抡大锤

Your dancing style is as unique as your fingerprint.

你的舞蹈风格就像你的指纹一样独特

If that's true, elizabeth warren has very unique fingerprints.

如果这是真的 伊丽莎白·沃伦有非常独特的指纹

Shall we see who our guest stars are on the show tonight?

我们看看今晚谁是做客明星好吗