(单词翻译:单击)
Hi, everybody. Hi, have a seat. Oh, my goodness.
嗨 大家好呀 嗨 请坐 哦我的天哪
All right, so relax. Don't panic. OK?
好 别紧张 别慌啊 好吧
Ellen couldn't be here today. It's nothing serious.
艾伦今天来不了 没什么大不了的
The drawbridge on her castle got stuck.
她城堡上的吊桥卡住了
So I'm Wanda Sykes and on behalf of everybody, I want to say, hello white ladies.
我是Wanda Sykes 代表所有人 我想说一句 白人女性们好呀
Because I'm really excited to be here today. I am.
今天来这里我很激动 真的
You know, I used to host my own talk show.
我以前也主持过自己的脱口秀
But I've never hosted a daytime talk show.
但从来没主持过日间脱口秀
My material's a little more mature.
我讲的内容更适合成年人一些
And plus, I'm a quarter vampire. That's what 23 and Me said.
而且 我是四分之一个吸血鬼 23andMe（DNA鉴定公司）是这么说的
But look, you all know me, right? You know me.
但是 大家都认识我对吧 你们都认识我
I've been on this show many, many times as a guest.
我作为嘉宾上过很多很多次这个节目
So it's like being at home. You know, I'm used to everybody around here.
所以来这儿就像在自己家一样 我很习惯周围所有的人
I know everybody. You know, right Randy?
我认识每个人 对吧Randy？
Oh. Oh, is that-- Oh, Larry. Hey, Larry, how you doing?
哦 哦 那是 哦 Larry 嘿 Larry 近来可好？
But you know, I like being up here. This feels good. This feels nice.
但是我很喜欢站在这里 感觉很好 特别棒
Yeah, I like this. You know, Ellen isn't out here interrupting me asking me all kind of--
嗯我喜欢 没有艾伦老是打断我 问我各种
--asking me all kinds of personal questions.
问我各种私密的问题
How are you? How have you been?
你好吗？近来怎么样？
That's none of your business.
跟你有毛关系
She does it like she cares.
说得好像她在乎似的
You know, I know she's just sitting there thinking about how to transfer $3 billion into escrow.
我知道她坐在这里 满脑子想的都是怎么把30亿美元转到第三方账户里
I know that. Sometimes I can see it in her eyes.
我知道 有时候我能从她的眼睛里看出来
She's like, oh how much is my bitcoin worth right now?
她在想 哦 我的比特币现在值多少钱了？
But no, actually Ellen, she always treats me great when I'm here.
没有 其实艾伦 我来的时候她都对我很好
She does. She's always really sweet to me.
是真的 她总是很贴心
You know, I know that she likes to scare a lot of her guests.
我知道她喜欢吓很多嘉宾
And she's never tried to scare me.
但她从来没吓过我
Which is smart because I would be the first guest to punch her in her mouth.
这很明智 不然我就会是第一个给她一拳的嘉宾
Reflexes, I'm serious. I almost kicked my kid down the steps the other day.
条件反射 我说真的 前几天 我差点把我儿子踢到楼下去
He tried to scare me, I was like, ah! It's scary.
他想吓我来着 我当时就啊！很吓人的
But you know, really, Ellen and I, we have a lot in common, actually.
但大家知道 其实 我和艾伦有很多共同点
We do. We have a lot in common.
真的 我们有很多共同点
You know, we're both lesbians, of course.
当然了 我们都是同性恋
We're both stand up comedians. We're um--
我们都支持喜剧演员 我们 额
Come to think of it, I think that's about it.
认真想想 好像也就只有这两点了
I said we like the ladies, right? I said that.
我说了我们都喜欢女士 对吧？说过了
Yeah, I mean, really, yeah that's about it.
嗯 真的 嗯 就这了
I mean, look, I don't have a Presidential Medal of freedom award.
但是我没有得过总统自由勋章奖
But then again, I wouldn't want one right now. No thanks.
不过话又说回来了 现在就是给我我也不要 不用谢
Maybe after 2020 I'll get one.
也许等2020年以后我能得一个
You know, maybe I'll get one from the old lady, the black lady, or the gay guy.
也许某位老妇人 黑人女士或者是男同会给我颁一个
That'll be good. Now, I know Ellen tries to bribe her audience with gifts,
那倒不错 我知道艾伦经常会用礼物去贿赂她的观众
but you know I don't need to give you stuff just to get you on my side, right?
但我不需要给你们礼物让你们喜欢我 对吧？
Yeah. Because I know what you want.
嗯 因为我知道你们想要的是什么
Bring out the Chardonnay!
上夏敦埃酒！
There we go. There we go. Save one for me.
喝吧 喝吧 给我留一杯
There we go. You're welcome.
尽情享用 不用谢哈
