Okay. Anyone here thinking of going to the beach?
在座有人准备去海滩玩的吗
If you are thinking of going to the beach you should know there are side effects
如果有的话要知道这是有副作用的
and those side effects may include Getting sand everywhere, and I mean everywhere.
副作用包括 到处都是沙 我是说 到处
Sucking in your gut every time you see a pretty girl, actually any girl, also a few guys.
每次看见漂亮女孩都会大吃一惊 或者说任何一个女孩子 当然也有几个男孩子
Spending an hour wondering if you can leave yet.
花一个小时想自己是不是可以走了
Pretending to drown so you'd get that cute lifeguard's attention, but it turns out he's a real butterface,
假装溺水以求得那个可爱的救生员的注意 结果发现他只有身材好 脸很丑
so now you're getting mouth-to-mouth from a total ugmo.
于是你得到了一个丑人的人工呼吸
And the final side effect of going to the beach is realizing you hate the beach.
去海滩的终极副作用就是发现自己讨厌海滩
What about summer camp? Anyone going to summer camp this year? Are you going?
夏令营呢 在座有人想去夏令营的吗 你想参加吗
If you are going to summer camp you should know there are side effects
如果有的话要知道这是有副作用的
and those side effects may include Making lifelong friends who you will never, ever see again.
副作用包括交了一群你一生都不会再见面的好朋友
Learning to love the taste of cola.Coca cola? No. Pepsi cola? No. RC cola, you wish.
爱上可乐的味道 可口可乐 不是 百事可乐 也不是 皇冠可乐 想得美
Just regular non-trademarked cola.
就是普通的连商标都没有的可乐
Getting your first hand job in the woods... from yourself. Telling people you don't miss your parents.
第一次在树林里打飞机 自己动的手 跟人讲你不想家
Writing your parents a postcard telling them how much you don't miss them.
跟爸妈寄明信片写你有多不想他们
Your eyes watering from allergies, and totally not because you miss your parents.
因为过敏流泪 绝对不是因为想爸妈
And the final side effect of going to summer camp, is your parents get to have sex in the kitchen again.
参加夏令营的终极副作用就是你爸妈终于又可以在厨房做爱了

What about—anyone thinking of taking a vacation, family vacation?
有没有——有没有想要旅行的 家庭旅行
Well, if you are thinking of going on a family vacation you should know that there are side effects and those side effects may include
如果有的话要知道这是有副作用的 副作用包括
Sprinting out of the restaurant because your mom insists on ordering every meal in Spanish, Uno Que-tha-deeya.
百米冲刺逃出饭店因为你妈坚持要用西班牙语点餐
Having to change in the same tiny hotel room as your family. Seeing your dad's balls.
换了一个跟你家里一样的大的小旅馆住 看见你爸的蛋蛋
Getting two scoops of ice cream and having to throw it away because it reminded you of your dad's balls.
拿了两个球形冰淇淋 还得扔掉 因为你想起了 你爸的蛋蛋
Going to the beach, seeing two mounds of sand, yep, there it is, your dad's balls.
去海滩 看见两堆沙 是的 就是他们 你爸的蛋蛋
Sneaking off to make out with a girl you met at the beach, looking into her eyes, they are the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen.
溜出去跟一个海滩上遇见的女孩约会 看着她的眼睛 这是你见过的世界上最美的一双眼睛
Nice, round, for some reason shaved, damn it, dad's balls!
又美 又圆 不知道为什么还修过的 靠 还是你爸的蛋蛋