Thank you! Thanks for coming out.
谢谢 谢谢大家的到来
Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the show, now.
女士们先生们 欢迎来看深夜秀
If you don't know, today is Super Tuesday. Again.
大家知道吗 今天是超级星期二 又是超级星期二了
Am I the only one who thinks there are starting to be more Super Tuesdays than normal Tuesdays?
我是唯一一个觉得今年的超级星期二比普通星期二更多的人吗
They're even calling it Super Tuesday three, right.
甚至还有人称之为超级星期二 3
And if we've learned anything from Hollywood franchises,
如果你对好莱坞故事模式有所了解
then today will be an expensive letdown.
你就应该知道 今天发生的事将会十分令人失望
The candidates aren't just fighting for votes, they're fighting for endorsements.
候选人们不仅为了选票差点打起来 还为了赞助争斗着
Although Hillary Clinton's latest endorsement is probably going to hurt more than help.
尽管希拉里·克林顿最近获得的一份支持对她来说有百害而无一利
Because I don't know if you saw this, but over the weekend,
不知道你们看过这个没有 本周末

Hillary was endorsed by a California leader of the KKK, right,
加尼福尼亚3K党的龙头老大威尔·奎格表示支持希拉里
Mr Will Quigg, grand dragon of the KKK, and he says—
并说——
Yeah, who knows what a grand dragon is?
有谁知道龙头老大是什么的吗
You love that guy, right, Reg?
雷吉 你是不是很喜欢他
Who doesn't love a grand dragon.
谁会不喜欢龙头老大呢
So Will Quigg, the grand dragon, says he endorses Hillary
老大 威尔·奎格说他支持希拉里的原因是
because he believes she will do the exact opposite of what she promises and that she's an undercover Hitler.
他相信 如果希拉里当选 她所做的一切将会与她的承诺背道而驰 还说希拉里是隐藏的希特勒
Now that makes me think three things.
听到这个我就想起了三件事
1) she's not
1 她不是
2) she's definitely not
2 她绝对不是
And 3) undercover Hitler sounds like the worst spin-off of undercover boss.
3 隐藏的希特勒听起来像是隐藏boss的最糟糕的属性
An undercover Hitler is an interesting concept
隐藏的希特勒这一概念很有趣
because like Hitler was many many things, but undercover?
因为希特勒有很多种不同的属性 但是说隐藏你是认真的吗
Donald Trump got a much better endorsement when he got the backing of former republican candidate Ben Carson.
唐纳德·特朗普获得的支持就好多了 他获得了前任共和党候选人本·卡森的支持
Did I say much better? I mean slightly better.
我刚说的是好多了吗 我本来是想说稍微好一点来着
It wasn't the most ringing endorsement.
这还不是最令人震惊的
Carson said, if Donald Trump gets the nomination, wins the general election and then turns out to be a dud,
卡森说 如果特朗普获得提名赢得大选成为美国的麻烦
it's OK because that's just four years down the tube.
也没关系 反正不过是政治下滑的四年而已
That's what he said. But, again, four years is nothing to Ben Carson.
他原话就是这么说的 我再强调一次 四年对本·卡森来说不算什么
That's how long it takes him to say a complete sentence.
因为他思念才能讲完一句话
Like...I don't know.
我也说不好
I didn't think make America great again was the best slogan,
我没觉得让美国再次伟大是最好的口号
but it's way better than worst case scenario it's just four years.
但明显比 最多不过是这样过四年好多了
So wait a second, if Carson supports Trump, why haven't I seen him at any rallies?
但等等 如果卡森支持特朗普 为什么没在特朗普的支持者集会中见过他呢
Oh, he doesn't like getting punched in the face.
哦 原来是因为他不想挨打
Speaking of Trump, and sometimes it feels like it's hard to do anything else.
说到特朗普 有时候觉得要摆脱它的话题真的很难
Today, the New York Times got an exclusive interview with the one member of the Trump entourage
今天 纽约时报对现在还未透露姓名的特朗普的一名随行人员做了一个单独采访
who hadn't spoken yet, which is his butler, and he is the man who manages his 118-room Florida estate.
也就是特朗普的男管家 正是他管理着特朗普在佛罗里达的118处房产
The butler revealed many private things about Trump's life.
管家透露了特朗普的很多私事
For example, and this is true, he said Trump insists on doing his own hair, right.
比如 这是真事儿啊 他说特朗普坚持自己打理自己的头发
So, just so you know, this is what it looks like when Trump is in charge of something.
所以大家应该知道 当特朗普负责什么事的时候 会把它搞成什么样子了吧