Ladies and gentlemen, he is back,
女士们先生们　
American astronaut Scott Kelly returned from the international space station
美国宇航员斯科特·凯里
yesterday after spending almost a full year in space.
在国际空间站生活了几乎一年之后终于于昨天回来了
Incredible!
难以置信
A record-breaking year in space.
在太空中呆了一年　已经打破记录了吧
So I guess that means that my ten-months in space are now completely irrelevant.
那我在太空中待了十个月的事应该没人记得了吧
Thanks, Scott.
谢谢啊　斯科特
But upon returning, and this is true, Scott Kelly measured two inches taller.
但是回来后　斯科特·凯利长了两英寸　这是真事儿

And this is due to his vertebrae not being compressed in a low-gravity environment.
主要是因为在引力较弱的环境下　他的脊柱不会受到压制
And the fact that he started wearing heels.
其实真正原因是他穿高跟鞋了
Space changes a man.
太空能改变一个人
But this is incredible. You can grow two inches?
但是长两英寸确实很难　你能做到吗
I mean I hear that promise from my spam e-mails every day.
我邮箱每天都收到这种垃圾邮件
I didn't believe it.
我完全不相信
But when he landed waiting for him on the tarmac what Jill Biden, Joe Biden's wife.
落地时　在机场接他的是吉尔·拜登　也就是乔·拜登的妻子
And I'm going to say it right now.
我想说
There's got to be an easier way to meet Jill Biden.
见吉尔·拜登的方法应该要设置的简单一点
I mean a year in space gets you a meet and greet with the vice president's wife.
在太空呆一年才能见到副总统的妻子
What do you have to do to meet the president?
那见总统要做什么
Like I feel like Obama meets everyone.
我觉得奥巴马谁都见
He's met Ludacris, he's met Zach Braff,
他接见过卢达克里斯　扎克·布拉
he's met the champions of the WNBA.
夫还有美国女篮的冠军
A guy lives in space for almost an entire year
然而一个人在太空中待了快一年　
and Obama is like send Joe Biden's wife, his wife.
奥巴马说　派乔·拜登……的老婆去接他吧
Now clearly Scott Kelly has been gone for a long time.
斯科特·凯利在太空待了这么久
But one thing he definitely didn't lose in space is his sense of humor.
却没有丧失他的幽默
Take a look at him talking about his flight from the drop zone to his hometown in Houston.
看看他是怎么说从降落区到他家乡休斯顿的航班的
I know it's late and it would have been great to get here quicker.
我知道现在很晚了　本来如果能快点到就挺好的
I'm used to going 17,500 miles an hour but this airplane doesn't do quite that.
我习惯了每小时17500英里的速度　但这个飞机没那么快
Whooo, banger.
哇　厉害了
I mean you just know that later he was defending that joke going,
后面他还说　
actually that joke was a lot better in space.
这个小伙还是要在太空讲才有意思
Like when I toll that up there, that Russian guy laughed pretty hard.
他说　我讲这个笑话的时候　那个俄罗斯人笑的可厉害了
He's actually right. This was the reaction to that joke over at NASA.
说的没错　他在NASA讲的时候　大家都是这个反应