Because when you posted the picture of National Dog Day,

你晒出全国爱狗日的那张照片的时候

I realized that you took the gift seriously that I gave you.

我才知道你把我送你的礼物当真了

So this is Olivia's bed. And she posted this for National Dog Day.

这是奥利维亚的床 全国爱狗日的时候 她晒了这张照片

I gave them that gift as a joke, and it's above your bed.

我把那礼物送你是开玩笑的 现在它挂在你床上

Where else would we put it?

不然还能放哪儿呢

It's the most important piece of art that's ever been made.

这是有史以来最重要的一件艺术品

I gave it to you six years ago. I know.

六年前我送你的 我记得

So you've kept it. It's only appreciated in value to us.

所以你一直留着 只有我们才觉得它价值连城

Yeah, there it is. That's when we discovered it.

没错 那是我们发现它的时候

And people are so confused by it at first glance.

人们第一眼看到的时候 都很困惑

And that's how we like it. I understand that.

正因为这样我们才对它情有独钟 我理解

But it's not above your bed anymore.

不过现在不在你床上了

No, now it has another very special place, which is outside the children's bedroom.

不了 我给它安置了一个特别的位置 在孩子们卧室外

So it's the first thing that they see when they wake up. Wow.

这样他们早上一醒来就能看到 哇哦

It's very important to us. Do they say, who is that lady?

对我们很重要 你们会问 这是谁吗？

Yeah, they say, oh, that's our real mother.

会啊 他们会说 哦 那才是我们真正的妈妈

And I say, yes. They love it. It's the greatest thing in the world.

我说 对 他们很喜欢 真是是世界上最棒的东西了

But I had to post it, because it was National Dog Day.

我必须要晒它 因为是全国爱狗日

And I know you too love dogs and rescue animals.

我知道你也很喜欢狗 救助动物

And so I knew you would get the adopt-don't-shop message.

所以我觉得你能接收到“收养代替购买”这个信息

Then I posted this after you posted that. Yes, you did.

我在你之后又晒了这个 没错

It took everything I had not to turn that into a tattoo that I would put on Jason's arm.

我真是挣扎了好久才克制住自己把它做成纹身 刻在詹森胳膊上的冲动

I took a picture of that. I was like, how far can we take it?

我又把这个照了下来 我在想 我们能玩儿多久？

How far can we go? Because you could have done that above your bed next.

能拍多少张？你可以把这个挂在你床头上

And I would have done-- It'll happen. In six years, you'll be like, what?

然后我再 会的 等六年后 你就会觉得 什么鬼

She still has this? So how old are your children?

她竟然还保留着这个？你孩子们多大了

You said it's still outside of their-- do they have the same room?

你说这画在他们卧室外——他们共用一个卧室吗

They're in separate rooms. They wish they had the same room, which is very sweet.

他们有各自的房间 他们倒是想都睡在一起 很暖心的

We'll see how long that lasts. They are two and four.

看看这感情能持续多久 一个两岁 一个四岁

So the boy is four years old. You had a little girl recently.

儿子四岁 你最近生了个女儿

Yeah, Otis is 4 and 1/2. And Daisy-- aw. That's Otis. And Daisy is almost two.

对 Otis四岁半 Daisy 啊 这是Otis Daisy快两岁了

Yeah, look at her. Look at that. I love their names too-- Otis and Daisy.

对 看 快看 我喜欢他们的名字 Otis和Daisy

So what is she into? Is she a good two, or is she the terrible two?

她喜欢什么？她是两岁小乖乖还是两岁小淘气？

She's a good two. She hasn't realized she's two.

她是个小乖乖 她还不知道自己是两岁

She also lies about being three, which is a really funny thing.

她还撒谎说自己三岁 特别搞笑

It's like, you ask her, how old are you? And she's like, I'm three.

如果你问她 你几岁啦 她会说 我三岁了

I think she so badly wants to catch up with her brother, and she's already lying about her age.

她特别想赶上她哥哥 开始谎报年龄了

Did she really say it like that? I'm three.

她说的时候真是那样吗？我三岁了

Like really kind of nonchalant. You know how it is.

有点儿拽拽的 就是这样

She's really very grown up. I'm amazed by her.

她真的挺成熟的 经常让我惊讶

She's a really funny, funny person.

她特别特别有趣

Well, from what I hear, Otis--because every time you're here or Jason's here--

据说 Otis 因为每次你或者詹森上节目的时候——

I hear that he's into grown-up music since he was a little boy.

我听说他很小的时候就喜欢成熟的音乐

What's he into now?

他现在喜欢什么？

Now, he's into the Beastie Boys, which we approve of wholeheartedly.

现在喜欢野兽男孩的歌 我们绝对支持他

Gosh, he's also is into weirdly-- I don't know how he discovered it-- but Ibiza-style techno-spring-break-dance-party pop.

天哪 他还喜欢很怪的——我不知道他是怎么发现的——喜欢伊比沙岛风格的高科技春假舞会流行音乐

What do you mean? I don't know where.

那是什么？我不知道

We think he might be going out at night and just hitting the clubs, discovering something like that.

我们猜他可能半夜偷偷溜去各种俱乐部 发现了这些古怪的音乐

You should get a blacklight and see if there's something on his arm.

你应该拿不可见光照照看他胳膊上有没有东西

Let me see those wrists.

我来检查检查手腕

Wait, so how would he find Ibiza techno dance pop?

那他怎么找伊比沙岛高科技舞会流行音乐？

It's why you shouldn't send them to school.

这就是不应该送孩子上学的原因

They come back with bad taste in music.

他们去过学校后音乐品味就变差了

We had done so well. Yeah, I know.

本来我们教的特别好 我知道

Because he was into Michael Jackson.

他原来喜欢迈克尔·杰克逊

Well, first, Beyonce, which you gave us the greatest gift of all time,

一开始 碧昂斯 因为你送我们的那些礼物

which was a fully Beyonce-themed first birthday party with Beyonce napkins, cups,

那个第一个碧昂斯主题的生日派对 有碧昂斯纸巾 杯子

balloons, a life-size Beyonce cut-out, which is still in our house, of course.

气球 真人大小的碧昂斯图案 这些都还在我们家放着

We don't give things away. We keep everything.

我们从来不转赠东西 啥都留着

Your garage sale is going to be fun one day.

以后你们的车库拍卖肯定特有意思

But the greatest thing about that party is that the other parents didn't know that it was a joke.

但那个派对最棒的一点就是 另一对家长不知道那是个玩笑

So they were just looking at each other like, geez, this is really intense Beyonce love.

他们看着那些东西说 天啊 这真是满满的碧昂斯的爱呀

Wow. All right, so your mom is running for Congress.

哇哦 好吧 你妈妈在竞选国会

Yes, she is. My mom is running for Congress. Where does she live?

对 是 我妈妈在竞选国会 她住哪里？

In the 5th District of Virginia, which is a really important district.

在弗吉尼亚第五区 那个区很重要

It has Charlottesville and then a bunch of more rural counties.

那里有夏洛茨维尔 还有一些农村县

It's huge. It's bigger than New Jersey.

很大 比新泽西还大

And it's really important, because Virginia has this wave of women who are running for Congress.

那里很重要 因为弗吉尼亚掀起了女性竞选国会的浪潮

And it's really exciting, because they're going to change the way that Virginia is and hopefully, the entire country is.

很激动 因为她们终将改变弗吉尼亚的现状 甚至改变整个国家

Good for her. That's amazing.

她真厉害 很棒

That's great. I'm so proud of her. That's really cool.

很好 我很为她骄傲 很酷

Tell me about this company that you're crazy.

跟我说说你超喜欢的那家公司

OK, I'm very excited about this.

好 这个让我很激动

It's this company called True Botanicals that is a completely nontoxic, cruelty-free skin care line.

公司叫做True Botanicals（真正的有机植物） 是一家完全无毒 无刺激的皮肤护理生产线

And I deeply care about it, because that just doesn't exist.

我很重视它 因为目前为止还没有这样的公司

There aren't very many regulations in this country.

国家的管制还不够

For instance, in the European Union, there's over 1,300 banned ingredients for all skin care.

比如 欧盟国家禁止皮肤护理产品添加1300种原料

In this country, there are 11. So we have to do a lot of our own regulating.

但美国只禁止11种 所以我们必须得自己加强管理

And I think having a company that does that and also is cruelty-free was really important to me.

我觉得需要一家公司这么做 而且无刺激对我来说很重要

And it works. And I'm really, really excited, because everybody in your audience is getting a gift certificate for $150.

这行得通 我很开心 因为所有观众都将获得150美元的礼品券

Yes, you are.

对 没错