Spring is finally here. Oh, boy. It's exciting.

春天终于来了 哦天 太激动了

I'm seeing signs of it everywhere.

到处都是春天的迹象啊

Kanye's Twitter account came out of hibernation.

卡内（歌手）的推特账号从冬眠中醒过来了

It is in full bloom. And a lot of things are coming back to life.

到处都是鲜花怒放 万物复苏

There's one thing that is not coming back to life.

只有一样东西还没活过来

And that's Toys'R'Us. They announced that they're going out of business. Yep.

那就是Toys'R'Us 他们宣布破产了 没错

They're getting rid of their inventory.

他们要清理存货

And Barbie had to sell her dream house, get a job.

芭比不得不卖掉自己的梦想之家 去找工作

She's working at Hooters now. It's really sad.

她现在在Hooters上班 挺可悲的

Yeah. So I don't know if you're looking to buy toys.

对 所以不知道大家想不想买玩具

But if you are, I want to help. These are toys that I found on eBay.

如果想买的话 我可以帮忙 这些是我在eBay上面找到的玩具

And they should not be given to children.

绝对不应该把它们送给孩子

And these are 100% real, by the way. 100% real.

说一下 这些是百分百真实的东西 货真价实

Here is the first one. This one is called Scottie Bagpipe.

这是第一个 这个叫Scottie Bagpipe

In case you were worried it wasn't authentic, it says right there, "Sounds like a real bagpipe." I looked it up.

为了打消你觉得它不真实的顾虑 这里写着“听起来像真的风笛声” 我上网查了一下

Bagpipe is actually an old Irish word that means ear torture.

Bagpipe其实是古爱尔兰语 意思是折磨耳朵

Every parent dreams of hearing the pitter patter of little feet and the high pitched moan of a bagpipe.

每位家长都渴望听到小脚丫嗒嗒的声音和风笛的高音呜咽声

All right. Here's another toy. And this is from the '60s.

好 这是另一个玩具 来自60年代

This is Hasbro's Think-a-Tron. It says the machine thinks like a man.

这是孩之宝出产的Think-a-Tron 它说这个机会像人一样思考

It says, "It thinks, it answers, and it remembers."

上面写着“它思考 它回答 它还有记忆”

And then it has a beer and goes to bed.

接着它还会喝瓶酒去睡觉

Actually, I was told that President Trump just named this toy the new economic adviser. Yeah.

其实 有人告诉我特朗普总统刚刚任命这款玩具为新的经济顾问 嗯

All right. Here's another toy right here.

好 还有另一个玩具

And oh, what a catchy name.

哦 这名字挺有吸引力啊

This is the Flash Bubble Gun Cartoon Fish.

这是“闪光的泡泡枪卡通鱼”

Flash Bubble Gun Cartoon Fish. But here's what caught my eye.

闪光的泡泡枪卡通鱼 不过吸引我眼球的是这个

Look down here. It says on the package, "It will give you infinite pleasure."

看下面这里 包装上写着“我将给你带来无限愉悦感”

That is a serious promise.

这个承诺有点重大呀

I mean, I would understand if it said hours of enjoyment.

如果写的是几小时的快乐 我还可以理解

But infinite pleasure. Are the bubbles filled with motley? What's happening in here?

但是无限愉悦感 这些泡泡里都是小丑吗？这什么情况？

All right. Here's another one.

好 这是另一个

Before I unveil it, I found this toy. I can't figure it out.

打开前 我发现了这个玩具 我搞不懂是啥情况

So I'm going to let you decide what's happening here.

所以我让大家来决定这是什么东西

It is called Bam Bam.

它叫Bam Bam

And there is a button on the side that says "Try Me."

侧面有个按钮 上面写着“按我”

So here's what happens when you do that.

按了之后是这种情况

All right. You can make your own joke there.

好 玩笑啥的大家就自行发挥吧

Something something infinite pleasure.

某某东西 某某东西 无限愉悦感

So if you have kids, don't buy any of these toys.

如果你家有小孩 千万不要买这些玩具

And if you need somewhere to take your kids now that Toys'R'Us is closing, take a look at this.

如果你需要带孩子去买玩具 既然Toys'R'Us要倒闭了 看看这个

After filing for bankruptcy, Toys'R'Us will be closing all of its US stores.

申请破产后 Toys'R'Us将会关闭它在美国的所有店铺

With more and more toy sales occurring online,

随着玩具销售越来越网络化

today's kids are left searching for a location for their next epic meltdown.

如今的孩子们很难找到下一个玩具大爆炸的玩耍场所

That's why we want to invite all kids to throw their next tantrum at Chuck E Cheese.

所以我们欢迎所有孩子来对着Chuck E Cheese大发雷霆

Our carpeted floors are perfect for spreading out and getting hysterical.

我们的地面铺有地毯 可以放心撒泼打滚 尽情玩乐

We've got plenty of rides that you'll either cry because you want to go on them,

我们有足够多的摩天轮 你要么是哭着想上去

or cry because you want to get off.

要么是哭着要下去

It's up to you. And in case you can't come up with a reason to cry on your own, our mascot is a giant scary rat.

一切随你 如果你找不到理由自己痛哭 那就让我们可怕的大老鼠吉祥物来吓吓你吧

Chuck E. Cheese. One visit and your parents will wish we were going out of business too.

Chuck E. Cheese 来一次 你的父母就巴不得我们也破产了