If you were cheering for me or just because you're inside.

如果你们在为我欢呼 那只是因为你们在室内

Because it's cold here, isn't it?

因为这很冷 是吧

I know people from the East coast are going, it is not cold here, Ellen.

我知道来自东海岸的人会说 不冷啊 艾伦

But it's cold here.

但真的很冷

I mean, I think even like, you know, for people on the East coast, it's like-- it was like 30 degrees this morning.

即便是来自东海岸的人也会觉得 今天早上零下一度

I actually think that maybe our weather is colluding with Russia.

我怀疑连我们的天气都在跟俄罗斯勾结

That's what I think. OK. I have a confession to make.

就是酱 好 我要坦白一件事

OK. Something I did, and I said I wouldn't do it. And I did it, and I'm deeply ashamed.

好 我做了某件事 我说过不会做的 但我却做了 我很羞愧

And I'm all about honesty, so I'm going to tell you.

我是个诚实的人 所以要告诉大家

I watched The Bachelor.

我看了《单身汉》

I watched it, and it was an accident. Here's what happened.

我看了 完全是个意外 是这样

Here's what happened. What happened was I was--

当时是这样 我当时

I was at home, and I noticed the light bulb was out in the ceiling in the living room.

我在家 发现卧室顶上的灯泡坏了

So I got a ladder and I climbed up the ladder and I went on the very top step, the one they tell you not to get on even though it's a step.

于是拿了把梯子爬了上去 我上到了最上面那一阶 就是那个他们不让你踩的那一阶 即便那也是个台阶

It's on there. And anyway, so I'm balancing on the top of it trying to change that light bulb and I slipped

就在那儿 总之 我试图保持平衡 把灯泡换了 但是却脚滑了

and I fell and I landed on the remote and it turned on The Bachelor, and I watched it for two hours.

所以我从梯子上摔了下来 踩到了遥控器 正好就打开了《单身汉》 于是我就看了两个小时

And-- I'm kidding. This is how it really happened.

说着玩儿的 其实是这样

Portia was out of town, and I got weak. I just-- I was lonely, I was bored.

波西娅没在家 我很累 又孤单又无聊

The light bulb is still out. I haven't gotten to it.

灯还是坏的 我还没来得及修

Every year I swear I have watched it in the past, and I've told you I've watched it,

每一年 我发誓我以前看过 而且也告诉你们我看过

but this year, I was like, I am not going to watch it.

但今年我想的是 我不会看的

And I really didn't think I was going to watch it, and then I ended up watching it.

我真的没想到自己会看 结果还是看了

I held out for eight weeks. I didn't watch it for eight weeks, and then-- who's watching?

我憋了八个星期 我八个星期没看 然后 有哪些人在看？

Anybody watching The Bachelor?

有人看过《单身汉》吗？

And so proud, too. So proud that you watch it.

很骄傲啊 很骄傲自己看过

That's great. The rest of you are just shaking your head like, you poor thing.

很好 剩下的人就只能摇摇头 小可怜

So if you haven't watched The Bachelor, I'm going explain what happens.

如果你没看过《单身汉》 我来解释一下这是个什么节目

It's a show that brings together all kinds of women.

这是个会把各种女人聚集在一起的节目

There's Becca K, Becca M, Becca B, Becca C, Brittany J, Brittany T, Brittany Y, Brittany P,

有Becca K Becca M Becca B Becca C Brittany J Brittany T Brittany Y Brittany P

Lauren B, Lauren G, Lauren J, Lauren S. I said the Beccas, right?

Lauren B Lauren G Lauren J Lauren S 我说过Becca了 对吧

There's, like, 29 women with four names, and in the middle of all that, there's a handsome white man.

有29名女性 共用4个名字 在他们中间 有一名帅气的白人男子

And his is Ari. Here he is.

他就是Ari 就是这位

Yeah? OK. He's a retired race car driver, and now, he's a realtor.

嗯 好 他是一名退休的赛车司机 现在是名房地产经纪人

And on The Bachelor, that sounds attractive.

在《单身汉》上 这可是相当诱人的条件

On Tinder, it means you're a Uber driver.

在Tinder上 这意味着你是个优步司机

All right. I don't know why I keep watching.

好 我也不知道为啥就一直看下去了

I mean, I do know why. Because The Bachelor is like pizza.

其实我知道为什么 因为《单身汉》就跟披萨一样

Even when it's bad it's good. It's like-- and when it's really bad, it's really good.

就算很难吃 那也是好的 就像 如果它很难吃的话 那就说明它非常好

And so the thing is, if you miss, like, eight weeks of episodes,

其实 如果你错过了 比如说 八个星期的节目

each episode is two hours long, and it's impossible to catch up on what's going on.

每集长两个小时 那你就看不懂节目内容了

I'm kidding. It's exactly the same.

逗你们呢 每期节目完全一样

Like, a monkey could tune in and all of a sudden go, oh, get it.

连个猴子看几分钟都会觉得 哦 我懂了

And if you missed the first half of the season like I did and you want to catch up,

如果你像我一样错过了上半部分节目 你可能想要赶一下进度

I put together a recap of what's happened so far.

我做了个视频 告诉大家目前的剧情发展

So you can join in now.

便于你跟上进度

This is what's happened.

是这样

Poor Becca M. That was Becca M or Rebecca J. One of them. It was--

可怜的Becca M 那是Becca M或Rebecca J 其中一个 真是