Oh, you're a beautiful audience.

哦 你们很漂亮啊

It's a beautiful day in June.

今天是六月美丽的一天

Obviously, I don't have to tell you it's June.

很明显 我不用跟你们说现在是六月

Why am I saying it's June?

我为啥要说是六月呢

You're like, I know it's June, Ellen.

你们肯定在想 我知道现在是六月 艾伦

I always look good when I come out here because I know you're going to look good.

我每次上台的时候都很精神 因为我知道你们会很精神

And people ask me often, what's the secret to looking good Ellen?

人们经常问我 你看起来这么精神的秘诀是什么 艾伦？

And they're usually on the side of me.

他们通常都站在我旁边

And I say to them, I tell them it's very simple.

我就会说 其实很简单

I get sleep. I eat healthy.

我睡得好 吃的健康

And 20 years ago, I made a deal with witch.

而且20年前 我跟女巫做了个交易

I know every year, there are new beauty trends out there.

我知道每年都会有一些新的美容趋势

I thought I would show you some interesting ones that I found.

我想给大家看一些我觉得很有趣的

I take care of my teeth. I think it's very important.

我很爱护牙齿 它很重要

I brush my teeth several times a day.

我每天都要刷几次牙

I floss-- very important to floss everybody-- floss.

还用牙线 牙线非常重要 各位 牙线

Yeah. Flossing. Woohoo, flossing.

没错 用牙线清洁 呜呼 用牙线

But here's the thing. This is a new toothpaste I found.

但是是这样 我发现了这款新牙膏

I would not use this. This is charcoal toothpaste.

我才不会用这种 这是木炭牙膏

It's the same as regular toothpaste.

跟一般的牙膏没啥区别

But you put it on your toothbrush, and then you look like this when you're brushing your teeth.

但是你用它刷牙的时候 看起来就是这个样子

It looks like you just ate a sleeve of Oreos.

像是刚吃完一大筒奥利奥

Then after you're done, your teeth are supposed to look much whiter.

刷完牙后 牙齿本来应该白很多的

Well, of course, they're going to look whiter.

当然会看起来白一些

I mean, after that, you're like, look at my teeth. They're white.

那时候你会说 快看我牙多白

The next thing is something I saw on Instagram.

下一个是我在Instagram看到的东西

It's for your eyebrows. Eyebrows are important.

是一个眉毛产品 眉毛很重要

They're like a mustache for your forehead.

它们相当于是额头的胡子

And this is something called fishtail eyebrows.

这个东西叫鱼尾眉

Has anyone seen that before? Yeah. It's a thing.

有人见过吗？没错 挺厉害的

Actually I think I can explain it.

我觉得我可以解释一下

You know the movie, The Shape of Water, where the lady has sex with a fish.

大家知道那部电影《水形物语》 就是女主跟鱼一起睡的那个

This is the kid. This is-- Finally, there's a massage treatment that's very popular in Indonesia.

这是他们的孩子 这是 最后 还有在印尼很火的按摩治疗

It's called snake massage. It's not what it sounds like.

叫蛇式按摩 可不是听起来那个意思

Look. I'm kidding. It is. It's exactly what it sounds like.

看 我开玩笑的 实际情况就是听起来那样

I know it looks scary, but they don't use dangerous snakes.

我知道看起来很吓人 不过他们用的蛇都很安全

I'm kidding again. They use 6-foot pythons.

又是逗你们的 他们用的是6英尺的蟒蛇

And I don't know how someone comes up with that idea,

我不知道人们是怎么想出这馊主意的

to say let's try a snake massage or how someone chooses that.

竟然说出尝试蛇式按摩的话 而且还有人愿意这么做

You're looking at, and you check into the hotel.

你在看酒店

I need a massage-- Swedish, shiatsu, hot stone, deep tissue, snake massage.

我想按摩 瑞典按摩 指压按摩 热石疗法 深部组织按摩 蛇式按摩

Yes, I'd like a 90-minute snake massage, please.

啊 给我来个90分钟的蛇式按摩吧

I'm reading off of the-- It's not written on my hand.

我念的是 并没有写在我手上

I should have held it like that. That's what I should have done.

我应该这么拿着的 我应该这样

Apparently with a snake massage, they offer a happy ending, which I think that's where you live.

很明显 有了蛇式按摩 结局是美好的 那就是你还活着

I think, that happy ending is you just live.

我觉得那美好的结局就是你还活着

They say it's very relaxing, so let's relax.

他们说蛇式按摩特别放松 所以我们也放松一下吧

I know people are freaked out by snakes, so I'm going to warn you.

我知道人们很怕蛇 所以我要提醒你们

It's only for a few seconds, but this is the snake massage they offer.

只有几秒时间 不过这就是蛇式按摩

How is that relaxing? And she's doing nothing.

这怎么可能是放松呢？她啥都不做

She's just standing there. She came up with it.

直愣愣地杵在那儿 这主意就是她想出来的

She's like, I'm tired of working so hard.

她说 我受够这份苦差事了

I'm just going to dump snakes on somebody's back.

我干脆把蛇放在别人背上吧