It's hump day. Happy hump day to you.

今天周二啊 周二快乐

Are you having a nice hump afternoon? That's right.

大家周二下午愉快吗 很好

Did you celebrate the holidays over the weekend?

你们周末庆祝节日了没

I'm not talking about Easter or Passover.

我说的不是复活节或逾越节

I'm talking about April Fool's Day.

我说的是愚人节

April Fools Day was Saturday. April Fools-- it was Sunday.

周六是愚人节 愚人节 是周日啦

See when I did there? See? I love April Fools.

听懂我的话了没 懂了吗 我超爱愚人节

I love the pranks. I really do.

特别喜欢那些恶作剧 真的

And in honor of that singing fool on the hill, please give a warm welcome to Sir Paul McCartney.

为了纪念那个在山上唱歌傻瓜 我们掌声有请保罗·麦卡特尼

Oh, April Fools! Gotcha. I like to build it up and then disappoint you.

哦 愚人节 被骗了吧 我喜欢让大家的情绪积攒到巅峰 然后再让你失望

That's what I like to do.

我喜欢这样

But I do want to show you some of my favorite pranks we've done on the show.

不过我确实想给大家看一些我们在节目上做的恶作剧

This first one is Dennis Quaid. He started it all when I sent him to Starbucks to say, Dennis Quaid is here.

第一个是丹尼斯·奎德 一开始 我让他去星巴克说丹尼斯·奎德来了

And then we parked a car outside the studio and called AAA for him.

然后我们在演播室外面停车 而且给他叫来了美国汽车协会

And I was telling him what to say in his ear the whole time.

我一直通过耳机告诉他要说什么

And he could only say what I told him to say. Take a look.

他只能说我告诉他的话 看一下

Dennis Quaid needs a jump. Dennis Quaid need a jump.

丹尼斯·奎德需要跳一下 丹尼斯·奎德需要跳一下

OK. On the way over it was making this funny noise-- re-poo-gah, re-poo-gah, re-poo-gah.

好 路上的时候它发出了这种很搞笑的声音

You know, on the way over, it was making this funny noise, like re-poo-gah.

跟你说 路上的时候它发出了这种很搞笑的声音

Re-poo-gah. And then like, a re-too, re-too. And then a re-too, re-too re-too--I don't get it.

然后又发出了这种声音 然后又这样

Dennis Quaid likes to drive make vroom vroom noise.

丹尼斯·奎德喜欢开车的时候发出呜隆隆的声音

Dennis Quaid likes to drive-- Vroom, vroom.

丹尼斯·奎德喜欢开车的时候发出呜隆隆的声音

I like to rev it up real hard. Vroom. I like to rev it up really hard.

我喜欢特别用力地加速 我喜欢特别用力地加速

I love you, car. I love you, Mercedes. Kiss it.

我爱你 车 我爱你 梅赛德斯 亲一下

Why me, God? Start crying. Why me, God?

为什么是我 天啊？开始哭 为什么是我 天啊？

Louder, scream it in the air. Why!

大声点 声嘶力竭的那种 为什么

Put your fists in the air. Why God!?

拳头举到空中 为什么 天啊？

Would you open my trunk for me?

你能帮我把后备厢打开吗

Hey, I've got to get something out of the trunk.

嘿 我后备箱里有些东西

I don't even know if it'll open. Can you help me?

不知道它能不能打开 你能帮我一下吗

Just open it. Oh, he didn't see anything.

打开 哦 他什么都没看到

Close that. Close that. You didn't see anything.

关上吧 关上 你什么都没看到

Now one of my favorite pranks we've ever done was with Bruno Mars.

我们做过的我最喜欢的一个恶作剧就是跟布鲁诺·马尔斯

We had a nurse come to his dressing room.

我们让一名护士去他的化妆间

I told him to pretend to be sick. And this is what he did.

我告诉他要假装生病 当时是这样

I'm feeling something in my throat, and I don't know what it is.

我感觉喉咙里有异物 不知道是啥

Guess I'm supposed to assess you.

我来给你看一下

I'm feeling something in my throat, and I don't know what it is.

我感觉喉咙里有异物 不知道是啥

You know what hurts the most? When I go beep, beep, beep, beep.

你知道怎样最疼吗 就是我哔哔哔的时候

You know what hurts the most is when I go beep, beep, beep, beep.

你知道怎样最疼吗 就是我哔哔哔的时候

Like a truck backing up. It's like beep, beep-- it's like a truck backing up.

就像倒车的时候 就是哔哔 像倒车的时候

Back up when you do that. Stand up and back up.

你这么做的时候往后退 站起来往后退

It's like when I'm going beep, beep, beep, beep.

就是我哔哔哔的时候

Did you see me on the Super Bowl by any chance?

你在超级碗上看到我了吗

Did you see me on the Super by any chance?

你在超级碗上看到我了吗

No, I don't watch the Super Bowl. Oh, I nailed it. I nailed it.

没有 我不看超级碗 哦 我超燃的 我超燃的

It was so good. It was so good. So, so good.

特别好 特别好 特别特别好

So, so good. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.

特别特别好 哦 耶耶 哦 耶耶

Anyway. Anyway. Start crying. body workup. Cry.

总之 总之 开始哭 身体检查 哭

It hurts so bad. Hurts so bad. It hurts so bad.

好疼啊 好疼啊 好疼啊

OK, you can start feeling better now.

好 现在感觉好点了

Oh, I feel better. You say the pain's gone?

哦 我感觉好点了 你不疼了？

You don't have any pain? No, I'm completely fine.

你不疼吗？不 我啥事儿没有

I'm completely fine. It's weird. What did you do to me?

我啥事儿没有 好奇怪 你做了什么

What did you do? Nothing. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good.

你做了什么 什么都没做 你太好了 你太好了 你太好了

So good. You're good. You-- You are good, good, good, good. You are good.

太好了 太好了 你真好 好好好 你真好

Good, good, good, good, good. Thank you. You are good. You're good.

好好好 谢谢你 你很好 你很好

Thank you very much. Thanks for being here. Thank you for being here.

非常感谢你 谢谢你能来 谢谢你能来

Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. Thank you for being here.

很高兴你没事了 谢谢你来

No problem, I'm glad you're feeling better.

不客气 很高兴你没事了

I don't really need hidden cameras to do a prank.

我并不需要偷拍才能搞恶作剧

I can just tell a little white lie sometimes, and they just come to me.

有时候我只需要说一些善意的谎言 人们自己就上钩了

There's no switch to my prank tank. There really isn't.

根本就不需要往恶作剧转换 真的不需要

Your favorite animal is. The sloth. Tell me why it is the sloth.

你最爱的动物是 树懒 为什么是树懒

It certainly is. Well, because they're just so, they're just-- because they're perfect.

肯定是 因为它们 它们 它们很完美

The thing about sloths that kills me is they're-- it's just like-- they're not cuddly.

我最爱树懒的一点就是它们 它们 它们让人不想抱

Yeah. It's such a trick. Because you want to snuggle them-- Except for the one that I got for you today.

嗯 真是太机智了 因为你想搂着它们 除了我今天给你弄的这只

Let's bring out the cutest sloth-- No you didn't. No.

有请我们最可爱的树懒 你没有吧 没有

I just wanted to see. Oh my god. Oh my god.

我就是想看 哦 天哪 哦 天哪

My heart is beating so fast. I'm so sorry.

我心跳好快 不好意思

Oh my gosh. All right. We're going to take a break.

哦 天啊 好 我们休息一下

We're going to take break. Oh, why would you do that? I don't know.

我们休息一会儿 哦 你干嘛要那样 不知道