So you're going to get some great gifts later today. You will.

今天大家都会收到礼物的 会的

Really good ones. Hopefully, you won't have to go to the mall. Oh, boy.

很好的礼物 但愿大家不用去商场吧 哦天哪

Nobody likes going to the mall during the holidays.

没人喜欢在节假日去逛商场

You know it's going to be terrible, but somehow there's a little tiny part of you that thinks,

你明知道肯定会特别糟糕 但心里还是妄存侥幸

this year is going to be different.

想着今年说不定不一样呢

You know what I'm going to do?

知道我要做什么吗

I'm going to find a parking space, and I'm going to go in to that one store.

我就找个停车位 只去那一家店

And I'm only going to buy the things I need and only if they're on sale.

就买我需要的那一样东西 而且只有打折才买

Eight hours later, you've spent $6,000.

八小时后 你已经花了6000美元

You've had nine Cinnabons. Somehow, you have a ponytail.

你买了九个肉桂卷 还扎了个小马尾

I don't know how.

天知道发生了什么

But if you still have some holiday shopping left to do,

但如果你们假期确实要买东西的话

I want you to be prepared.

我想让你们有所准备

I found some videos to help show you what not to do.

我找了一些视频 告诉大家哪些事不能做

First, you're going to have to park your car.

首先 你得停车

And I've always said there are two kinds of people--

我经常说有两种人

there are good people, and there are people who back their car into a parking spot.

有一种是好人 还有一种是把车倒进停车位上

If you have time to back into a parking spot, you have too much time--

如果你还有时间把车倒到停车位上 那只能说明你时间真是太多了

unless you're really, really good at it and you know how to just do it in one move-- good for you.

除非你很擅长这么做 只要一次就搞定了 那你很牛

But this woman-- I just want you to watch this woman.

但这名女子 我想让大家看看

OK, so-- All right, try it again. Nope, nope. Nope. Nope. Same angle.

好 好 再试一次 不行 不行 不行 同样的角度

All right, she should try one-- uh. Nope. OK. That's it.

好 她会再试一次 呃 不 好 就这样了

You'd think that she'd go out one more time, but no, she thinks--

大家可能以为她会再试一次 但并没有 她觉得

then, she's going to actually try to open the door.

然后 她想开门

She doesn't see that, oh, I can't get out that way. All right. Nope. Oh.

她没看到 哦 那边出不去 好 不行 哦

I'll get out this way.

还是从这边出吧

And she's on the phone. You can see that she's on the phone.

她还在打电话 大家可以看到她在打电话

I mean, that doesn't explain how bad the parking job was.

但这并不能解释她的停车技术有多烂

Maybe she was flossing and shaving her legs at the same time, as well.

说不定她还一边清洁牙齿一遍刮腿毛呢

Can you believe that? Obviously, she's done that before because someone upstairs has said,

你敢信吗？很明显 她以前就这么干过 因为楼上有个人说

I need evidence of how bad this woman--

我需要证据来证明她的停车技术有多差

Once you get to the mall, something always goes wrong.

只要你去了商场 总会出意外

They're sold out of the gift you want, or someone sprays you in the eye with perfume as you walk by.

你想要的礼物已经卖完了 或者有人在你路过的时候往你眼里喷了香水

Or the escalator going up is broken, so you have to go up the down escalator.

或者上楼的电梯坏了 你得从下楼的电梯上楼

These people, they really don't know how to go-- you know, it's hard to go up a down escalator.

有些人 他们不知道怎么 你知道 从下楼的电梯上楼很难的

This man-- this man's not moving.

这个男人 根本就没动

He's on the same step over and over again.

他一直在同一阶电梯上

She's doing OK for a while, passes this man up.

这名女子还行 暂时的 超过这个男的了

He's like, how are you doing that? Then she falls.

他在想 你是怎么做到的？然后她就摔倒了

And she's back down. Wow. That video is from two years ago.

最后又下来了 哇哦 这个视频是两年前的

They're still there. That man was just going on the same step over and over.

他们还在那儿 那个男人还在同一个台阶上一遍一遍的走

Anyway, after you buy the gifts, you have to leave.

总之呢 买完礼物后你需要离开

But you have to know the difference between a window and a door.

但你一定得知道窗户和门之间的区别

And that can be hard for some people, like this man right here.

这对有些人来说可有难度 比如这个人

He just didn't know which was the-- oh. Nope.

他不知道 哦 不对

Didn't even faze him. That was like another day for that guy. Watch him.

没把他撞晕 对他来说 这好像跟本没发生一样 看他

And it looks like he knows where he's going right after he hits it, like, oh, I did it again.

他被撞之后看起来好像知道他到底要去哪儿 哦 我又撞了一回

Oh, nope. Nope. That's right. It's this way. I keep forgetting.

哦 不对 不对 是这边 老是忘记

He goes right to the door.

他直接走到门那儿了

It's all worth it when your child gets to open that perfect gift on Christmas morning, unless this happens.

只要你的孩子能在圣诞节一大早收到完美的礼物 那这一切都值得 除非出现这种情况

This is my new Flutterbye Fairy, and I'm going to show you how it works.

这是我新的Flutterbye小仙女 我给家看看怎么玩

First, you put it on here. Then, you press the rocket button.

首先 把它插在这里 然后按一下火箭按钮

Get back. And then, it'll fly up in just a second. See?

往后退一点 然后它就会自己飞起来 看到了吧？

No! Oh, no! Terrible. Horrible. Horrible.

不！哦 不要！糟糕透了 太可怕了 太可怕了

Oh, no. That's just-- the trauma that she went through on Christmas morning.

哦 天 真是 圣诞节一大早就遭受了重创啊