(单词翻译:单击)
I say right now we turn towards the middle east.
现在我们一起来看看中东局势
Yemen evolves into chaos. Saudi tanks on their way to the border.
也门国内一片混乱，沙特的坦克即将越过国境线
Iran deploying its warships to the gulf of Aden.
伊朗在亚丁湾展开战略部署
A much larger proxy war between Shiites and Sunnis.
什叶派和逊尼派之间的战争一触即发
Yemen has long been home to Al Qaeda.
也门一直以来就是基地组织的老窝
The Houthi rebels have taken over Sanaa.
胡赛叛军接管了萨那
The U.S. also stepping up air strikes on ISIS.
美军正对ISIS发动空袭
It's getting very, very complicated.
局势十分复杂
Well, to be fair, he is easily confused. But in this case, it's true.
讲真，对他而言什么事都很复杂。但在这件事情上，他讲的有道理
There's so many proxy wars going on in the middle east, it almost appears at times that we are fighting ourselves.
许多场代理人战争即将在中东上演，有时候我们甚至会觉得我们在自己打自己
To help us understand to the various angles of operation sandy quagmire
为了帮助大家从不同的角度来理解这场军事泥潭，
we are joined by senior middle east correspondent Bassem Youssef.
我们请来了资深中东记者巴森姆·尤瑟夫
Bassem, thank you for being here, my friend.
巴森姆，感谢你的到来
Great to see you. Great to see you, Bassem.
见到你很开心
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice to see you. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
嗯，见到你很开心，谢谢
Whatever, Jon, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
谢谢你，囧，真的
I got to tell, you seem less than excited to be here.
我发现你这次好像没有那么激动啊
Last time it seemed like you were excited to be here.
上次来的时候你好像比现在激动多了
What is up, Bassem? Talk to me. Yeah, nothing.
怎么了，巴森姆，跟我说说。没什么
Although I see that while I was away, you picked some other guy to replace you.
就是我发现我不在的时候，你找了别人来替代你
Trevor Noah, that's right. He's going to replace me on the program when I leave. That's, that's—
特雷弗·诺亚，对，就是他，我离开这个节目以后他会接替我的位置。那......
So you wanted a handsome young comedian from Africa? Hello! Yeah, yeah!
所以你选人的标准是一个来自非洲的年轻的长得帅的喜剧演员？看看我啊
What, Jon, Egypt is not African enough for you?
囧你怎么回事，你是觉得埃及还不够“非洲”吗
Oh yeah, Egypt is in Africa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
对，埃及在非洲，我知道
So Jon, you can imagine what a beautiful rolling stone cover I would have had—
如果你选我的话，可以想见滚石杂志封面上的我会有多美艳
Who is holding your chest there?
那个托着你胸的人是谁
There was someone holding my chest? Yes, I think so.
有人托着我胸？看上去是这样
Well, anyway, you had some questions about the middle east. Yes.
随他去吧，换个话题，关于中东你应该有些想问的问题吧。是的。
Yeah so, as we say where I come from, shoot.
我说我来自哪里的时候，呸
All right. So here is the deal, here is what I don't understand.
好了，是这样的，有一点我不太明白
We're fighting Isis and Al Qaeda.
我们正在打击ISIS和基地组织的势力
We're trying to keep nukes away from Iran but now we're somehow involved in a proxy war
我们的本意是不让伊朗拥有核武器，但我们目前在也门似乎卷入了一场代理人战争，
in Yemen on the side of Iran but not—here is my question, who should we worry about?
我们还是在伊朗一方的，但又不是——我的问题是，我们应该担心的是谁？
Who is actually coming to kill us?
谁会威胁到我们？
None of them. Get the... what? Yeah. Say that again. Wait, wait, wait.
没有谁。滚吧！你说什么呢？你再说一遍。等等
Let me explain. Okay, I will start with my country, Egypt. You know it is in Africa.
听我解释。好，我从埃及开始讲起。埃及在非洲
Very good, Jon, you're learning. Okay, so remember the Muslim brotherhood.
很棒哦，囧，你学的不错啊。好了，你记得穆斯林兄弟会吗
Yes, yes, guns, beards, Sunni, briefly in charge of Egypt.
记得，天天带着枪，留着胡子，逊尼派的，统治过埃及一段时间
Yes, until the military threw them out with backing from the Saudis.
对，他们的统治一直到沙特阿拉伯人的军队把它们赶出去才结束
Well now, the Saudis and the Egyptian army are fighting Shiite rebels together in Yemen.
但现在，沙特人和埃及人合作起来攻打在也门的什叶派叛军
And guess who is fighting alongside them. Yes, yes, it's Chuck Norris.
你猜猜谁在帮他们。查克·诺里斯
Yes, close, the Muslim brotherhood in Yemen.
很接近了，就是也门的穆斯林兄弟会
The Muslim brotherhood in Yemen are allies with the guys who threw them out of Egypt. They're buddies now.
也门的穆斯林兄弟会跟那些把他们赶出埃及的人结盟了？他们现在是兄弟了
Of course not, they just like hate the ... out of each other. All right.
事实当然不是这样，他们都恨不得把对方挫骨扬灰。这还差不多
They just happen to be pointing their guns at the same people right now.
只是凑巧他们有共同的敌人而已。
And guess who else is Rooting for team Saudi?
你再猜支持沙特一边的人是谁？
Chuck Norris' brother?
查克·诺里斯的兄弟？
Close. Isis and Al Qaeda.
很接近了，ISIS和基地组织
Those assholes are so happy that Shia are getting killed in Yemen, they are popping their halal champagne.
那些混蛋很开心看到也门的什叶派被杀，都在开香槟庆祝呢
But that, so that's what this is though. So the way to figure this out is the Sunni Shia split,
但是——原来是这样子。所以实际上就是逊尼派和什叶派的分裂问题，
Sunni's always gonna have a Sunni's brother's back.
逊尼派的人总是选择支持逊尼兄弟会
Yes. Yes. Except in Iraq. God.
对。对，只有伊朗不一样。靠
Where the Sunni coalition is fighting alongside the Shi'a militias against ISIS.
伊朗的逊尼派站在什叶派一边帮忙打ISIS
This is nuts—is this some kind of new psychological terrorism where they try to confuse us to death?
疯子——这是一种为了让我们想不通从而纠结致死的某种心理战术吗
Let me put this in terms you can understand. You know march madness?
我换个你听得懂的方式讲，你知道疯狂三月吗
Of course I know march madness.
当然。
Good. Consider this constant intractable madness.
好。你就把这当成一种持续的无可救药的发疯就行了
Look how many teams have to play against each other and this is just one division.
看看有多少人卷入了战争，这不过是一个小小的内部决裂而已
We're not even to the elite eight yet.
我们现在还连前八都没进呢
And America is already in the finals. We're in the finals? Yes. USA!
但美国已经进入决赛了。是吗？美利坚！
Wait, wait, wait—USA, USA. Wow, really. They're so like warmongers?
等等——美利坚！美利坚！哇，这些人怎么都像战争狂人一样的？
Talking about getting us in a war. Seriously! Is it really that easy? All right.
我们也要卷入战争吗？真的。有那么容易吗？好了
So whoever makes it out of the round of 64, Sunni, Shi'a, monarchy, democracy, insurgency,
所以，逊尼派，什叶派，君主制，民主主义，暴动
tribal, military, theocracy, whatever team, advances to the final round.
部族，军队，神权，这些里面不管哪一方进了64强，进了决赛
Gets to go head-to-head with the great Satan. That's you.
就会见到最后的大魔王，就是你们美国
We know. Yes. So who is your money on to win the whole thing?
我们知道啊，所以你赌最后谁赢
The same people who always win, the guys who run the game.
赢家永远都是同一个人，就是操纵这个游戏的人
NCAA. The NCAA. No, the MCAM, military contractors and arms manufacturers.
美国大学体育总会。不，是MCAM，军火承包商和武器制造商
Yeah, I see. Yeah. They make money off every team in the bracket...
对，他们从任何一方都能获利
