(单词翻译:单击)
We have been down this road a few times this year. Each time it's not easy.
我们今年已经做了很多次了。每一年都是很艰辛的。
Tonight marks the end of an era, the final show of the longest serving member of the greatest news team, Samantha Bee.
今晚将是一个时代的终结，在任时间最长的新闻团队记者萨曼莎·比，今晚将会是她的最后一秀。
It all started back in 2000 ot 3.
我们要追溯到2003年。
Bush presidency was entering its terrible twos. The Iraq war was just starting.
布什的两届糟糕任期刚刚开始没多久。伊战刚刚打响。
So we needed a correspondent, we looked in the usual places, your liquor stores, your betting parlors, your methadone clinics,
所以我们需要一名记者，我们先是在一般性场所寻找，比如说酒类商店、赌场、美沙酮诊所，
and obviously Google maps was in its nascent stages, and we took a wrong turn, we ended up in Canada.
显然当时的谷歌地图还在起步阶段，我们走了冤枉路，但最终在加拿大找到了。
And we found this, this, this just delightful, incredibly funny person, Sam Bee.
我们发现了这位幽默风趣、讨人喜欢的萨曼莎·比。
So we hid her in the trunk and raced back over the border pursued by Mounties.
我们把她装进后备箱里，飞奔回了美国，后面的骑警穷追不舍。
Canada had no idea what it was losing.
加拿大失去了最珍贵的宝贝。
Have you had a "hot carl" since you've been here?
来这儿做“脸贴脸”了吗？
I have not. I just, you know, there's so much to do, I haven't gotten to do everything yet.
没有呢，要做的太多了，我一件还没做呢。
Most definitely likes to see Long Island seceded as its own state.
非常希望长岛能成为一个独立的大州。
We're a totally different group of people.
我们是完全不同的群体。
What state could you beat up? Ireland.
你觉得你能战胜哪个大州？爱尔兰。
I don't think that counts.
我觉得爱尔兰不算。
Oh, states, I'm sorry. Other states.
哦大州，抱歉，其他大州。
I feel like a retard now.
我总是慢半拍。
Other states not in Europe. Staten Island.
不要说欧洲的。斯塔滕岛。
Other states.
其他大州。
Canada? Canada, okay.
加拿大？加拿大好吧。
None of these tools are sterile.
这些工具都没有生育能力。
Okay, well neither is this. So let's go. Get started.
这个更不行。所以开始吧。
Can I call you back? My mom is in my room, and she wants to talk to me about something!
我能给你回过去吗？我妈妈在我的房间，她想让我和她谈谈。
I'm Samantha Bee and I watch The Five!
我是萨曼莎·比，我观看《The Five》节目！
It's the tale of a winsome blonde ingenue, Dana Parino.
这是一个关于碧眼少女达娜·佩里诺的故事。
There's got to be a catch!
那是梦中情人！
Could you make it snappy?
你能快点吗？
I've got places to be. Seriously. Okay, dripping wet balls.
我还要去别的地方，我认真的。好了，滴下来吧。
Ignore this? Baby's on fire again. Damn it.
忽视这些？孩子又着火了，见鬼。
You two timing monster. Ah!
你们两个时间控魔鬼。啊啊啊！
I'm the one getting flown out of this pool!
我要从这个见鬼的水池中飞走了！
One pill makes you larger.
吃一颗药你就会变大。
Let it rain!
下雨吧！
Well I think a lot of the time it feels like a thankless job.
我认为大部分时间它都是一个费力不讨好的工作。
People think our day ends at 3:00 and that's not the case.
别人认为每天3点下班，其实不是。
We feel unappreciated.
我们并不会得到赏识。
Gives men basically instant erections. Takes a little bit of doing. Oh boy, okay, okay.
让男人迅速勃起。那就要你去操作了。好的，好的。
Have you had your picture taken with a black person yet?
你和黑人照相了吗？
Well, I don't think so, but I wouldn't mind doing it.
还没有，但我不介意。
That's something you would be willing to try? Why, certainly.
这么说你愿意尝试？为什么不呢？
There's plenty of them. I know.
他们有很多人。我知道。
Do you have any of them in Montana?
蒙大拿州多吗？
We don't, you know. We don't have any.
没有，蒙大拿不多。
In fact, our kids were pretty old before they saw one.
只有年纪大一点的孩子才见过黑人。
Here's a little something, some Daily Show trivia. All of our correspondents,
告诉你件事，一些《每日秀》的小故事，在所有《每日秀》记者中，
Sam is only the third correspondent to ever get her face stuck in a penis pump.
萨曼莎是第三个将脸插进阴茎泵里面的记者。
But while she could always do the silly, the Sam pieces that I loved the best were the ones that were closest to her heart.
除了这些搞笑的东西，我最欣赏的是那些最能够表露她心扉的报道。
Sarah Palin took the stage and silenced her critics.
莎拉·佩林的上台让批评人士哑了火。
But there's one issue for which she's still being unfairly attacked.
但她却因为另一件事遭到了人们的攻击。
It's very inappropriate to the Democrats who seized on the issue of Bristol's pregnancy.
我觉得民主党不应该揪住布里斯托的怀孕问题不放，这是不恰当的。
I think it's a family issue.
我认为这是别人的私事。
You know, she's gonna have baby, she's gonna get married.
她会有孩子，她也会结婚。
She said no, it's a human being.
她的回答是不，这就是人类的回答。
She made the, I'm sorry, what is the decision, the decision.
她做了...抱歉是什么，决定，是决定吗。
There's another word I'm looking for.
我在寻找另外一个词。
I think it rhymes with voice.
我觉得和嗓音挺押韵的。
Every family and every woman should have the right to,
每个家庭，每名女性都有权...
I'm sorry, what's the word I'm looking for?
抱歉，我想说什么？
It's her family, it's her, God, what is the word? What is the word I'm looking for?
这是她的家庭，这是她的...天啊我想说什么？我想说什么？
It's like when you have a lot of options, and you have to select one.
比如说你有许多选择，你需要选择一个。
What's the word I'm looking for? What is the word?
我想说什么？你觉得呢？
Adoption is one, ah, no, there's a specific word I'm looking for.
收养其实是一种恩恩，不是，我在找一个具体的词。
Yes, but I don't think the... I don't think that the decision,
但是我不这么认为，我不认为这个决定。。
I think it should be, not,
我认为应该，不是，
I think that the family decision would become, as how, yes. Okay.
我认为家庭选择应该是...就是这样。
A different choice?
不同的选择？
Choice! Yes! Exactly!
选择！对的完全正确！
Every family, every person should have the choice to decide what's best for them!
每个家庭，每个人都有权为自己选择最适合的东西！
You may see a 10-year-old out there picking tobacco but you won't see him there all day.
你可能会看到一个10岁孩子摘烟草，但你不会天天见到他。
I work 12 hours a day in the tobacco farm.
我每天在烟草庄工作12小时。
Or sometimes a little bit longer.
有时还会更长。
Okay, wow. You're making it very hard for me to ironically support child tobacco labor.
哦好的。你让我很难用讽刺的说法来支持烟草童工。
The president says that he wants us to talk about race.
我们的总统说让我们讨论种族问题。
So let's talk about race!
那我们就来讨论吧！
You go first.
你先说。
I think it would be great if you started off.
我觉得你先开始吧。
I don't think it would be great at all.
我觉得一点都不好。
If you're scared, say you're scared.
如果你怕了，就说你怕了。
Why would I be scared? No! I'm not at all.
我为什么会害怕？没有，一点都没有。
I'm just incredibly uncomfortable.
我只是觉得非常不舒服。
I know the percentage is so small, so small of a person becoming pregnant from a rape
这种比例是很小的，女性因强奸怀孕的比例很小，
that I just don't even know that's even in the equation
我甚至不知道它是不是在这个等式里面，
because they say that percentage is just, like, almost impossible.
因为这种比例几乎不可能。
Not impossible but close, and there have been some cases.
不能说一点没有，但几乎不可能，尽管它确实存在。
Yeah, about, probably about 32,000 a year.
差不多每年3.2万起。
Is it 32? Thousand. Yeah, okay. 32,000.
是32？万...恩恩，3.2万起。
Women in combat positions are a threat to military cohesion.
女兵对于军队凝聚力是一种威胁。
It's not clear that men can actually bond with women.
我不清楚男兵是不是能够与女兵凝聚在一起。
Men join the infantry because they want to fight.
男人参军只是为了打仗。
Sorry, excuse me for one second.
抱歉，等一下。
Okay. Okay, that's much better. Sorry.
现在好了，抱歉。
Girls become women by getting older.
女孩随着岁月的流逝变成了女人。
Boys become men by accomplishing something, by proving something.
而男孩却是因为获得了某些成就，证明了一些事情而成为男人。
Okay. Have you ever actually met a woman before? Several.
好的，你这辈子见过女人嘛？有几个。
Um...A woman who did not want to strangle you?
恩恩，有没有见过想掐死你的女人？
The reverse happens as well, where homosexuals go out and find straights to beat up.
相反的事情也是常有的，同性恋会上街寻找异性恋者打架。
Really? Yeah.
真的吗？是的。
Are you sure about that?
你确定吗？
Hey! Watch out! I've got a christian! Guys! Damn it!
嘿，当心！我抓了一个基督徒！见鬼！
It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore
看起来你连广播都不能做了，
and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.
如果你损人的话，你也一定会受到影响。
When you put it that way, it does sound rather arrogant, myopic, narrow-minded and bigoted.
如果你这么说的话，听起来真的有些傲慢、目光短浅、心眼小、偏执。
Good, then I've done my job.
很好，这就是我的工作。
Please welcome our senior, senior correspondent correspondent Samantha Bee!
有请我们的资深记者萨曼莎·比！
