(单词翻译:单击)
Here at the the Daily Show we don't just believe in American Exceptionalism.
在《每日秀》的舞台上，我们不相信美国卓异主义。
We celebrate it with an annual award honoring the news story
为了庆祝它，我们每年会颁发年度新闻故事奖，
that best encompasses our country's pure essence.
纪念那些传达美国真谛的感人故事。
Ladies and gentlemen I give you the 2015 "Mercun Awards".
女士们先生们，我们接下来将颁发2015年年度火药奖。
Here to help select a winner are our American judges, Samantha bee, Jessica Williams.
选出本次获奖者的评委为萨曼莎·比和杰西卡·威廉姆斯。
Thank you for being here. Thank you so much.
非常感谢两位的到来。谢谢。
Thank you, yes, it's good to be here.
谢谢，很高兴能来到这里。
I'm contractually obligated.
按合同要求，我非常高兴能来。
Settle down.
平复一下。
All right, judges, the first American finalist comes to us from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Let's take a look.
评委们，第一位入围选手来自宾夕法尼亚州匹兹堡。我们先来看一下。
Panic at an Easter vigil mass.
复活节守夜礼弥撒闹恐慌。
A man brings a gun into a church and it goes off.
一名男子携带枪支进入教堂，并发生走火。
The trigger caught on the man's pants.
这把枪打在了该男子的裤子上。
Firearm trouser mishap at a church, judges what do you say?
关于这起教堂裤子事件，你们二位怎么看？
Okay, well, it's good. It's got the ingredients of an mercun-worthy story,
不错，这起事件拥有获奖资格，
devout religiosity paired with gun-toting paranoia, very American.
虔诚的宗教信仰，再加上携带枪支妄想症，非常美国化的事件。
But I feel like he could have tried harder.
但我觉得他能做得更好。
I mean, if he'd done it while wearing flip-flops and a sleeveless creedence shirt,
我想如果他在“行凶”之前穿着人字拖，穿着无袖CCR（清水复兴合唱团）体恤衫就好了。
I'd have known he wanted it.
我知道他想这么干。
So, I'm going to give this story one baseball-shaped twinkie.
所以，我送给这则故事一个棒球形奶油蛋糕。
That's a solid score. Yeah. Jessica, your score.
靠谱。杰西卡，该你了。
Yeah, I felt it needed an extra edge.
我觉得它还是有些欠缺。
Mercun winner should make me feel like Superman is throwing a hamburger at my face
火药奖得主应该给我的感觉是，超人向我脸上扔了个汉堡，
while shotgunning a Mountain Dew with Betsy Ross,
同时打爆一个激浪啤酒加贝特西鸡尾酒，
so I'm going to give this one, one and a half truck nuts.
所以我要给它，1.5个同性恋标识。
Okay. All right. That's not, that's not terrible. I gotta say.
不错，不错，我觉得还可以。
By the way, that is one and a half out of,
还有就是，那是1.5个什么？
How many nuts do you have, John?
你有几个约翰？
All right, so out of three. Right.
没错是三个。
Moving on to our next finalist. This story is from Georgia.
好的请看下一名入围选手，来自佐治亚州。
A man shot an armadillo but ended up accidentally wounding his mother-in-law.
某男子射击一只犰狳，但却意外击中了他的岳母。
The bullet bounced off the armadillo, hit a fence,
子弹从犰狳的身上反弹了出去，射中了围栏，
traveled through the back door of his mother-in-law's mobile home 100 yards away.
并穿过了活动房后门，子弹距离她家大约为100码。
It pierced the recliner she was sitting in before finally striking her in the back.
子弹穿过了岳母坐着的躺椅，并最终击中了她的后背。
No charges expected to be filed.
该男子将不会遭到指控。
Well, I should hope not.
我不希望如此。
Yeah, if a man can get away with plugging his mother-in-law in the back through the wall of her trailer
没错，该男子开枪从移动房围墙穿过射中岳母后背，
and then blaming a dead varmint,
并指责一个死去的恶棍，如果这种人还能逃脱的话，
we might as well take the constitution, just flush it down the toilet.
我们倒不如把宪法冲进下水道呢。
Yeah, you're damn straight.
恩，你真直接。
That bullet couldn't have taken more of an American journey
这颗子弹经历了美国一日游，
if it had punctured a Kraft single,
它先是穿越了卡夫奶酪，
ricocheted off a Nascar trophy and got lodged at a painting of Elvis
又从纳斯卡奖杯上弹了出去，落在了一幅耶稣和埃尔维斯的合相上，
and Jesus holding hands at a rodeo.
两人正牵着手站在竞技场。
I'm giving this one a Ben Franklin wearing an American flag bikini
所以我的答案是，一幅穿着美国国旗比基尼的本杰明·富兰克林，
while eating a KFC double down.
手里正吃着一个肯德基双层汉堡。
That's a nearly perfect score. Yeah, yeah. A nearly perfect score! Unbelievable! Sam?
这几乎满分啊。是的，没错。几乎满分了。难以置信！你有话说萨曼莎？
I do, I do agree with Jessica.
我非常同意杰西卡的观点。
I give it a Washington holding Reagan's legs
我的答案是，华盛顿抓住里根的腿，
while he does a keg stand on The Liberty Bell.
同时里根在自由钟上做倒立喝酒的动作。
Wow, that's just, that's amazing. John, yeah! That's amazing.
这太棒了，约翰，非常棒！
John, let's just give armadillo shooter the Mercun now
约翰，要不我们现在为犰狳射手颁发火药奖，
and then let's all go celebrate with Bud Light infused Jalapeno Poppers at Guy Fieri's American kitchen.
然后一块去盖伊·法利的餐厅庆祝，喝“Bud Light”青啤还有吃墨西哥樽。
No, no, not so fast though.
先等一等。
There's one final entry from the great state of New Jersey.
还有一名来自新泽西州的候选人。
A New Jersey court says a man cannot sue Applebee's Neighborhood Grill & Bar
新泽西法院表示，原告无法起诉“Applebee”餐厅，
over claims he suffered burns while praying at dinner.
该男子声称他在晚餐祷告时遭烧伤。
The man claimed a waitress didn't warn him that his sizzling Steak Fajita Skillet was hot.
该男子表示，服务员并没有提醒他的牛肉煎锅很烫。
Burned in the U.S.A.
烫伤在美国！
Wow, that had everything.
哦，这则消息赢定了。
It had public prayer. Frivolous litigation.
公开祷告。毫无意义的诉讼。
A family chain restaurant serving fake Mexican food.
家庭连锁餐厅提供墨西哥食物。
Not knowing that a sizzling griddle of steak might be hot?
不知道牛肉煎锅烫口？
I love this country so much. I'm gonna do it.
我太爱这个国家了，我决定了。
I'm giving it the full two-guns each other.
我的选择是两只打滚的枪。
Wow! Wow! That's never been done before. Amazing！
喔喔！！这是史无前例的，太棒了！
Jessica, what do you say?
杰西卡，你怎么看？
Hells yeah, I'm going with Lady Liberty driving a monster truck with pizza wheels on top of Mount Rushmore.
是的，我的选择是自由女神驾驶披萨巨轮卡车爬上拉什莫尔山。
Two perfect scores! We have a winner.
两个满分！最终结果诞生了。
The 2015 Mercun goes to litigious praying Applebee's burned victim.
2015年度火药奖得主为好打官司、喜欢祷告的“Applebee”烧伤男子。
Congratulations and God bless.
祝贺你，愿上帝保佑你。
