I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light, then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
我告诉你 如果氙能放射出紫外线 那些有关暗物质的发现都会是错的
Yes, well, if we lived in a world where slowmoving xenon produced light, then you'd be correct.
那是 如果我们住在一个缓慢运动的氙原子能放出光子的世界 那你就是对的
Also, pigs would fly, my derriere would produce cotton candy, and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
与此同时 猪能飞 我也能拉出棉花糖来而《幽灵的威胁》也将成为永恒的经典
Oh, you're so arrogant. If you were a superhero, your name would be Captain Arrogant.
你也太傲慢了 如果你是超级英雄 那你的名字就该叫傲慢上尉
And you know what your superpower would be? Arrogance.
你知道你的超能力是什么吗 傲慢力
You're wrong again. If my superpower were arrogance, my name would be Dr.Arroganto.
你又错了 如果我的超能力是傲慢力 我的名字应该是至傲博士
I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
我太喜欢看拉杰和谢尔顿一块儿工作了
Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
没错 就好比异形和铁血战士决定合作开一间Jamba Juice（美国着名连锁冰沙奶昔店）一样
Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture?
你难道没注意宏观的状况吗
If you look at neutron scattering data... Oh, Penny? Penny? What's up?
如果你看了中子分布数据 佩妮 佩妮 怎么了
Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
没事儿 我只是想让拉杰闭嘴而已
No, no, no. He won. Suck it up.
不不不 他赢了 憋着吧
Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert, but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.Howard won't order anything, but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment involving the words pie or cheesecake.And Leonard's lactose intolerant, so he can't eat anything here without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
我想问问你们是否需要甜品 但我知道谢尔顿周二不吃甜品 而拉杰就算想要什么也开不了口 霍华德什么都不会点 但他会迸出来一些跟派或者芝士蛋糕有关系的恶心话 而莱纳德有乳糖不耐 所以除非他想让自己的肠子涨得跟动物气球似的 否则是什么都吃不了的
Hang on a second. I could have the fruit platter.
等等 我可以点水果拼盘的
You want the fruit platter?
你想要水果拼盘
Does it have melon on it? Yeah.
上面有甜瓜吗 有
No, I can't eat melon.
呃 我不能吃甜瓜
Oh, Howard, heads up. Your exgirlfriend just came in for her shift. When was the last time you saw her?
霍华德 注意了 你的前女友来上班了 你上次见她是什么时候
Oh, not since we broke up. Wow. How am I going to play this? Sophisticated and relaxed? Friendly, noncommittal? Cold and distant?
分手之后就没见过了 嗯 我该怎么表现呢 优雅而自然的 还是友好而含糊的 或者冷淡且陌生的
Hi, guys. Hello.
你们好 你好
I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
看来你决定用悲剧和惊恐来面对了
It's one of his best moves.
这是他的拿手好戏
So, my dear, we meet again. Hello, Howard. I've missed you.
亲爱的 我们又见面了 好啊 霍华德 我想你了
I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
我也想你了 凯蒂·萨克霍夫（《太空堡垒卡拉狄加》女主演之一）
One question. Anything. Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
问个问题 随便问 为什么我会在床上穿着《太空堡垒卡拉狄加》的战斗服
Why are you in bed with me? If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
那你又为什么你会和我同床呢 如果我们开始质疑这个 那就太崩溃了
Sorry. Oh, ravish me, Howard. My loins ache for you.
不好意思 噢 强力地占有我吧 霍华德 我愿为你尽折腰
Okay, if you insist.
好吧 既然你如此坚持的话
Howard, have you seen my girdle?! No, Ma!
霍华德 你看到我的束腹紧身裤了吗 没有 妈
I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
我找不着了 而且减肥族大会就快要迟到了
Maybe it committed suicide! Leave me alone!
也许它自杀了 少烦我
Now, where were we?
好了 刚才到哪儿了
I believe you were about to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
我觉得你想要用你的牙齿扒下我的制服了
Bernadette?! What are you doing here?
伯纳黛特 你在这儿干嘛
Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here because you saw me earlier this evening, and you're still hung up on me.
我猜的话 估计是因为你今晚见到我了而你还对我有留恋
No, I'm not.
才没有呢
Clearly you are. Otherwise, based on past experience, we'd be done by now.
很明显有 否则根据以往经验我们现在都该完事儿了
Okay, I'm a little confused here.
好吧 我现在有点混乱了
Oh, my. Can I help?
亲爱的 我能帮什么吗
Not that kind of confused.
又不是那方面的困惑
What's George Takei doing here?
武井乔治在这儿干嘛（《星际迷航》中苏鲁的扮演者 本人为同性恋）
Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
霍华德 你有隐性的同性恋倾向吗
No, of course not.
当然没有了
So you say. Yet, here I am.
你是这么说了 而我却站在这儿了
George, let me ask you something. How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon?
乔治 我问你个问题 作为科幻人物象征你是如何应对连续出演同类角色的
It's difficult. You try and stretch as an actor do Strindberg, O'Neill, but all they want is, "Course laid in, Captain."
是很难 作为演员你想拓展戏路尝试下斯特林堡 奥尼尔什么的 但他们想要的只是"航线已设定 船长"
Tell me about it. It's frackin' frustrating.
好好跟我说说 这太让我抓狂了
Wait. Katee, why are you leaving?
等等 凯蒂 你怎么走了
She's leaving because you really want to be with me.
她走了是因为你内心深处想和我一起啊
Howard, I found my girdle! It was in the dryer! Great, Ma!
霍华德 我找到我的束腹紧身裤了 原来在烘干机里 那太好了 妈妈
I think it shrunk! I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
我觉得它缩水了我的赘肉就跟面团宝宝（美国贝式堡公司的吉祥物）似的
And with that mental picture, I think we're done for the evening.
一想到那个画面 我想今晚的精神治疗到此为止了
You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
你从没跟我说过你和伯纳黛特当初为何分手
I did a stupid thing. Yeah, I guessed that.
我做了件蠢事 我猜也是
It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
像是那种现在难以面对她的蠢事
That covers anything from farting in bed to killing a homeless guy. Oh, my God. You ran over a hobo. No. Stop asking.
你说的这范围广的可以从被窝里放屁延伸到杀害流浪汉 哦 我的天呐 你真碾死过流浪汉啊 没有 别问了
All right, fine. So you want to get back together with her, but you're too ashamed to face her because of whatever it is you did.
好吧 你想跟她重归于好但却羞于面对她 就因为你曾经做了某件难以启齿的事
In a nutshell.
差不多
OkayWell, how about this? Kidnap Bernadette from the opera wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
好吧那这么做你觉得怎样 你戴上诡异的面具从剧院里（《歌剧魅影》的情节）把伯纳黛特劫走 这样她就认不出你了
Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.
这么说吧 我不知道你是在跟我开玩笑还是怎么着
You're being unreasonable. Why can't I have a desk?!
你开始蛮横无理了 为什么我就不能有张桌子
Our collaboration is a work of the mind. We don't need desks.
我们的合作研究是思维上的工作我们用不着桌子
You have a desk. Correct. But I can't have one.
但你有桌子啊 是的 但我就不能有了是吧
You're two for two. Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
你说中要点了 为什么他不能有桌子 谢尔顿
Oh, Lord, will this day never end? As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali, whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him when it's convenient.
天呐 这一天怎么过不完了 我已经再三向库萨帕里博士解释过了 以他对美国俗语的理解能力是不能明白什么叫做时机妥当的
There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
我的预算中绝没有添置额外办公家具的那份了
Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines, a marshmallow shooting rifle, and a super executive ant farm with glowinthedark sand?
那你就有预算来买一抽屉的红蜡糖 一把棉花糖步枪以及带有夜光沙土的超级蚂蚁工坊（玩具）吗
Yes. Okay, what if he buys his own desk?
是的 好吧 那他出钱买自己的桌子呢
Yeah, what if I buy my own desk?
是啊 要是我买我自己的桌子呢
That's ridiculous. Why? Because... Yes? It's my office.
那太荒谬了 为什么 因为... 请说 这是我的办公室
Sheldon. All right, all right. He can buy his own desk.
谢尔顿 好了 好了 他可以买他自己的桌子了
And I can put it in your office?
而且我可以放进你的办公室里
Well, you really want to dot the I's and cross the T's, don't you?
你还真的想得寸进尺了 是吧
Why would you want a glowinthedark ant farm?
为何你要买带夜光沙土的蚂蚁工坊呢
They do some of their best work at night.
因为蚂蚁有些工作晚上做更出色
Ah, it's okay.
这个还能穿
Penny? Penny? Penny? Penny? Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 如果知道是我敲门你还会开吗
Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
自从我发现你给我的泰迪熊安了摄像头之后就不会了
I just have a question. Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
我只是有个问题想问伯纳黛特有跟你提起过我吗
Oh, absolutely. She does?
哦 当然有啊 她提过吗
Yeah, sure. Just yesterday, she asked, "Why is Howard hiding under the table?"
当然 就在昨天 她还问我 为什么霍华德要躲在桌子底下
She saw that, huh?
她看见了是吧
Oh, no, not at first. Right after I pointed it out.
没 没 一开始没有但在我告诉她后就...
Let me ask you something else. Is she seeing anybody?
我问你点别的吧 她有跟谁交往吗
Oh, not that I know of. Hey, while we're on the subject, why did you guys break up anyway?
据我所知没有吧 既然说到了这个话题 我想了解你们当初为何分手了
Oh, I'd rather not say.
我觉得还是不说为好
Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
霍华德 你如果想得到我的帮助就得让我知道
But it's embarrassing...
但说出来有些尴尬
Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
是啊 我就期待着这个呢 进来吧
Okay. Well, you know World of Warcraft?
好吧 你听过魔兽世界吧
Um, the online game? Sure.
那个网络游戏吗 当然
Well, did you know that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?
那你可否知道游戏中的角色是可以互相发生性关系的
Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.
哦天呐 我想我有点头绪了
Her name was Glissinda the Troll. Bernadette walked in on me while we were doing the cybernasty under the Bridge of Souls.
她叫巨魔葛林新蒂 当伯纳黛特来找我的时候我们正在灵魂之桥下翻云覆雨呢
Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
你说的没错 这是够糗的了
Would you talk to her?
你能跟她说说吗
Bernadette or the troll?
伯纳黛特还是巨魔
Bernadette. She was so mad at me, she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.
伯纳黛特 她太生我气了 她甚至都没听我的解释
Well, what was your side?
那你的解释是什么
Well, for all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman. I mean, she could've been a 50yearold truck driver in New Jersey.
那个巨魔葛林新蒂只是个虚拟的女人 我是说 她也可能是个年届50在新泽西开卡车的人呢
Really? And that didn't make her feel better?
真的假的 那这么说没让她消消气吗
Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at all we could get back together?
你能帮我去问问看吗 看看我们还有没有重归于好的可能性了
Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
天 霍华德 我真不想趟你俩这趟浑水
No. Why would you? I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother, trying to find any scrap of happiness he can.
别啊 你怎么忍心呢 我这个孤单的书呆子和老妈相依为命 努力寻求哪怕是一丝丝的幸福
You know, maybe to make up for the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
也许是为了弥补11岁时父亲就离开他的缺憾吧
Okay, I will think about it.
好吧 我会考虑的
You know, I've always blamed myself for him leaving. I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
我一直在为父亲的出走而深深自责 我一直觉得那是因为他根本不想要我这个儿子
Yeah, I said I'd think about it.
行了 我说了我会考虑的
I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly...
我体育不好 又有点病怏怏的
Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?! Thank you.
行了 好了 我在给她打电话了 看见没 谢谢