If I'm a net...
我如一张大网...

As I listened to Maureen recite those crazy vows, it hit me...
听到莫琳朗诵这疯狂的誓词我突然意识到，
I might get thousands of likes and retweets and favorites,
虽然可能有成千上万人转发我的推特给我点赞，
but it's entirely possible that no one will ever look at me the way Terrance was looking at her.
但是绝对不会有人像泰伦斯看她一样看我。
So I did what I have always done when I needed to distract myself from my feelings.
所以我就像往常一样做了可以分散我注意力的事。
Do you, Terrance, take Maureen to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to ho...
你，泰伦斯，愿意取莫琳做你的合法妻子吗永结...
Sorry. Thought it was on silent.
不好意思，我以为静音了。
I'm not used to paying attention to super-boring long stuff, okay?
我不习惯长时间专心看什么无聊的事情，好吗？
No, it's not okay.
不，这样不好。

It's not just yourself you embarrassed.
你丢的不是你一个人的脸。
I specifically said no phones.
我明确说了不要玩手机。
Okay, okay!
好吧，好吧，
God. Haven't you ever made a mistake before? !
天啊。你以前就没犯过错吗？！
Yeah, I have when I agreed to help you.
有啊，我同意帮你就是个错误。
Oh, really? Are you helping me, or am I helping you?
是吗？到底是我帮你，还是你帮我？
Don't think I didn't notice you didn't have a date for this event.
别以为我没发现你需要个女伴来参加婚礼。
And literally anyone else in the world would have been a better choice.
说实话，世界上任何一个其他人都比你强多了。
So you admit it.
那你是承认咯。
And it's no surprise you don't have a date, because you are an unfun man.
没人陪你来我才不奇怪，因为你没聊到家了。
"Unfun" is not a word.
"没聊"不是个词。
And according to your ex-girlfriend's blog, that's why she broke up with you, so...
根据你前女友的博客，就是这样她才跟你分手的。
My ex-girlfriend?
我前女友？
Did you Google me?
你谷歌我了吗？
Don't you dare Google me!
你竟敢谷歌我！
I was just confirming what I already know...You're a holier-than-thou, antisocial, judgmental, hypercritical,workaholic...Coxcomb!
我不过是确认一下我已经知道的事，你就是个狂妄自大，反社会，心存偏见，过于苛刻，只会工作的...自大狂！
Oh, I'm a coxcomb?
我是个自大狂吗？
Well, you, my dear, are a lost cause.
而你呢，亲爱的，就是一事无成。