Listen to a conversation between a student and a professor.
请听一段学生和教授之间的对话。
Hey, Ellen. How are you doing?
嘿，Ellen。你怎么样？
Oh, pretty good, thanks. How are you? OK.
哦，我很好，谢谢。您呢？不错。
Did you, um, have a chance to look at my grad school application...you know, the statement of purpose I wrote.
您，额，看过我的研究生院申请了么......我写的动机函。
Um, yeah. In fact, here it is. I just read it.
是的。实际上，就在这。我刚看。
Oh, great! What did you think?
哦，太好了！您觉得怎么样？
Basically, it's good.
基本不错。
What you might actually do is take some of these different points here,
你也许要把这些不同的观点提出来，
and actually break them out into separate paragraphs.
然后把它们分成单独的段落。
So, um, one: your purpose for applying for graduate study;
所以，额，第一：申请研究生学习的目的；
uh, why do you want to go to graduate school, and an area of specialty;and,
你为什么想继续研究生学习，以及专业领域；
uh, why you want to do the area you're specifying; um, and what you want to do with your degree once you get it.
还有你为什么想从事你指定的领域；以及得到学位后你会怎么用。
OK.So those are...they're pretty clear on those four points they want.Right.
好的。他们在他们想要了解的那四点上很明确。对的。
So, you might just break them out into uh...you know, separate paragraphs and expand on each point some.
所以，你可以把它们分成单独的段落然后在每一点上再扩展一下。
But really what's critical with these is that, um, you've gotta let yourself come through.
但是重要的是，你要把自己表现出来。
See, you gotta let them see you in these statements.
明白吗，你得让他们在这写陈述里了解你。
Expand some more on what's happened in your own life and what shows your...your motivation and interest in this area-in geology.
展开叙述一些发生在你生活中的事，还有那些能表明你的动机和在地质学领域的兴趣的事情。
Let 'em see what really, what...what captures your imagination about this field.
让他们了解是什么真正让你对这个领域痴迷。
OK. So make it a little more...personal? That's OK?
好的。所以让这个申请更......个性化一点？这没关系么？
That's fine. They look for that stuff. You don't wanna go overboard...Right.
可以的。他们希望看到那样的东西。你别写得太过就是......是的
but it's critical that...that somebody sees what your passion is-your personal motivation for doing this.Ok
但是让别人看见你的热情--你做这件事的个人动机很重要。好的。
And that's gotta come out in here. Um, and let's see, uh, you might also give a little, uh-since this is your only chance to do it,
那一点得在这里体现出来。额，因为这是你做这件事的唯一一次机会，
you might give a little more explanation about your unique undergraduate background.
你也许可以更多地解释一下你独特的本科学习背景。
So, you know, how you went through, you know, the music program; what you got from that; why you decided to change.
比如你的音乐课程怎么样；你从中得到了什么；你为什么要改变。
I mean, it's kind of unusual to go from music to geology, right?
我是说，从音乐到地质学的转变并不常见，是吧？
Yeah. I was...I was afraid that, you know, maybe the personal type stuff wouldn't be what they wanted but...
是的。我有点担心，也许私人的东西不会是他们想要看到的，但是......
No, in fact it's...um, give an example: I...I had a friend, when I was an undergrad, um, went to medical school.
不，其实他们想看见的......举个例子，我本科的时候有一个朋友，后来去了医学院。
And he put on his med school application-and he could actually tell if somebody actually read it 'cause, um,
他提交了医学院申请，之后他能分辨出人家是不是真的看过他的申请，因为
he had asthma and the reason that he wanted to go to med school was he said he wanted to do sports medicine
他有哮喘，他想要上医学院的原因是他想从事运动医学，因
because he, you know, he had this real interest.
为他有这个兴趣。
He was an athlete too, and...and wanted to help athletes who had this physical problem.
他曾经也是个运动员，想帮助患有哮喘的远动员。
And he could always tell if somebody actually read his letter because they would always ask him about that.
而他总能知道别人是不是真的读了他的申请信，因为他们会问起他那件事。
Mmm...so something unique.
嗯......所以要写些独特的东西。
Yeah. So see, you know, that's what's good and and I think for you probably, you know,
是的。所以你看，那就是好的内容，而且我觉得对你来说，
your music background's the most unique thing that you've got in your record.Right.
你的音乐背景就是在你的履历里最独特的东西。正是。
Mmm...so you see, you gotta make yourself stand out from a coupla hundred applications. Does that help any?
你得让自己在几百份申请里崭露头角。有帮到你吗？
Yeah, it does. It gives me some good ideas.
嗯，有帮到。我想到一些好主意。
And...what you might also do too is, you know, uh, you might get a friend to proof it or something at some point.
你还要做的是，在某个时间你要找个朋友帮你检查一下。
Oh, sure...sure.
哦，当然。
Also, think about presentation-how the application looks.
还有，想一下你的陈述--这个申请看起来如何
In a way you're actually showing some other skills here, like organization.
。在某种程度上，你其实也展示了一些其他的技能，比如组织能力。
A lot of stuff that's...that they're not...they're not formally asking for, they're looking at.
很多东西，他们没有正式地要求，但是他们能看到。
So your presentation format, your grammar, all that stuff, they're looking at in your materials at the same time.
所以你的陈述模式，你的语法，所有的东西，他们同时都能在你的材料里看到。
Right. Ok.
是的。好的。