名著阅读

"Things are going downhill with you!" he said to himself, and laughed about it, and as he was saying it, he happened to glance at the river, and he also saw the river going downhill, always moving on downhill, and singing and being happy through it all. He liked this well, kindly he smiled at the river. Was this not the river in which he had intended to drown himself, in past times, a hundred years ago, or had he dreamed this?
Wondrous indeed was my life, so he thought, wondrous detours it has taken. As I boy, I had only to do with gods and offerings. As a youth, I had only to do with asceticism, with thinking and meditation, was searching for Brahman, worshipped the eternal in the Atman. But as a young man, I followed the penitents, lived in the forest, suffered of heat and frost, learned to hunger, taught my body to become dead. Wonderfully, soon afterwards, insight came towards me in the form of the great Buddha's teachings, I felt the knowledge of the oneness of the world circling in me like my own blood. But I also had to leave Buddha and the great knowledge. I went and learned the art of love with Kamala, learned trading with Kamaswami, piled up money, wasted money, learned to love my stomach, learned to please my senses. I had to spend many years losing my spirit, to unlearn thinking again, to forget the oneness. Isn't it just as if I had turned slowly and on a long detour from a man into a child, from a thinker into a childlike person? And yet, this path has been very good; and yet, the bird in my chest has not died. But what a path has this been! I had to pass through so much stupidity, through so much vices, through so many errors, through so much disgust and disappointments and woe, just to become a child again and to be able to start over. But it was right so, my heart says "Yes" to it, my eyes smile to it. I've had to experience despair, I've had to sink down to the most foolish one of all thoughts, to the thought of suicide, in order to be able to experience divine grace, to hear Om again, to be able to sleep properly and awake properly again. I had to become a fool, to find Atman in me again. I had to sin, to be able to live again. Where else might my path lead me to? It is foolish, this path, it moves in loops, perhaps it is going around in a circle. Let it go as it likes, I want to to take it.
Wonderfully, he felt joy rolling like waves in his chest.
Wherever from, he asked his heart, where from did you get this happiness? Might it come from that long, good sleep, which has done me so good? Or from the word Om, which I said? Or from the fact that I have escaped, that I have completely fled, that I am finally free again and am standing like a child under the sky? Oh how good is it to have fled, to have become free! How clean and beautiful is the air here, how good to breathe! There, where I ran away from, there everything smelled of ointments, of spices, of wine, of excess, of sloth. How did I hate this world of the rich, of those who revel in fine food, of the gamblers! How did I hate myself for staying in this terrible world for so long! How did I hate myself, have deprive, poisoned, tortured myself, have made myself old and evil! No, never again I will, as I used to like doing so much, delude myself into thinking that Siddhartha was wise! But this one thing I have done well, this I like, this I must praise, that there is now an end to that hatred against myself, to that foolish and dreary life! I praise you, Siddhartha, after so many years of foolishness, you have once again had an idea, have done something, have heard the bird in your chest singing and have followed it!
“你在往下走啦！”他喃喃自语道，边说边笑，边说边把目光投向河面，看见河水也在往下流，不断地往下流，吟唱着欢快地往下流。他很高兴，朝河水亲切地微笑。这不就是曾经想溺死自己的那条河么？那是在一百年前，还是他在梦中见过？
我的生活确实古怪，他想，走过了奇怪的弯路。少年时，我只知道敬神和祭祀。青年时，我只知道苦行、思考和潜修，探索婆罗门，崇拜阿特曼之中的永恒。作为青年人，我仿效那些忏悔者，生活在森林里，忍受酷暑与严寒，学会挨饿，教自己的身体麻木。接着，那位活佛的教诲又奇妙地启迪了我，我感到关于世界统一性的认识又在我体内犹如自身的血液一样循环不已。可是，后来我又不得不离开了活佛以及他那伟大的真知。我走了，去向卡玛拉学习爱之欢乐，跟卡马斯瓦密学做买卖，积攒金钱，挥霍金钱，学着娇惯自己的肠胃，学着迎合自己的感官。我就是这样混了好多年，丧失了精神，又荒疏了思考，忘掉了统一性。就好像我慢慢绕了个大弯，从一个男子汉又变成了孩子，从一个思索者又变成了孩子般的俗人，不正是这样么？这条路也曾经美好过，我胸中的鸟儿并没有死去。然而，这又是怎样的一条路哇！我经历了那么多的蠢事，那么多的罪恶，那么多的错误，那么多的恶心、失望和苦恼，只是为了重新成为一个孩子，以便从新开始。但这显然是正确的，我的心赞成，我的眼睛为此而欢笑。我经历了绝望，甚至堕入了最最愚蠢的想法，也就是自杀的想法，以便能得到宽大，重新听到“唵”，重新睡得好并且适时地醒来。为了能在我心中重新找到阿特曼，我不得不成为一个傻瓜。为了能重新生活，我不得不犯下罪孽。我的路还会把我引向何处？这条路怪里怪气，它绕着8字形，也许是在兜圈子。随它怎么走吧，我愿意顺着它走下去。
他奇异地感到自己的胸中快乐在翻腾。
他扪心自问：你这种快乐从何而来？也许它来自这次使我十分惬意的长长的酣睡？或是来自我念出的那个“唵”字？或是来自我的逃遁，我终于逃脱了，重新自由了，像一个孩子站在了蓝天下？哦，这样摆脱了羁绊、这样自由自在是多么美好！这儿的空气是多么纯净、美好，呼吸起来是多么畅快！而在我逃离的那个地方，一切都散发出油膏、香料、美酒、奢侈和懒散的气味。我是多么憎恶那个有钱人、饕餮者和赌徒的世界啊！我是多么憎恨我自己，恨自己在那个可恶的世界里待了这么久啊！我是多么憎恨自己，掠夺自己，毒害自己，折磨自己，使得自己又老又坏啊！不，我永远也不会再像那样自以为席特哈尔塔聪明过人了！但这次我确实干得漂亮，我很满意，我要赞美，我终于结束了对自己的憎恨，结束了荒唐、无聊的生活！我赞美你，席特哈尔塔，在经过了多年的愚昧之后，你终于又有了一个想法，做了一点事，听见了胸中那只鸟儿的啼鸣，并且随它而去！
背景阅读

本书简介：
古印度贵族青年悉达多英俊聪慧，拥有人们羡慕的一切。为了追求心灵的安宁，他孤身一人展开了求道之旅。他在舍卫城聆听佛陀乔答摩宣讲教义，在繁华的大城中结识了名妓伽摩拉，并成为一名富商。心灵与肉体的享受达到顶峰，却让他对自己厌倦、鄙弃到极点。在与伽摩拉最后一次欢爱之后，他抛弃了自己所有世俗的一切，来到那河边，想结束自己的生命。在那最绝望的一刹那，他突然听到了生命之河永恒的声音……经过几乎一生的追求，悉达多终于体验到万事万物的圆融统一，所有生命的不可摧毁的本性，并最终将自我融入了瞬间的永恒之中。

作者简介：
赫尔曼·黑塞（Hermann Hesse，1877.7.2-1962.8.9）德国作家。1923年46岁入瑞士籍。1946年获诺贝尔文学奖。1962年于瑞士家中去世。爱好音乐与绘画，是一位漂泊、孤独、隐逸的诗人。黑塞的诗有很多充满了浪漫气息，从他的最初诗集《浪漫之歌》的书名，也可以看出他深受德国浪漫主义诗人的影响，以致后来被人称为“德国浪漫派最后的一个骑士”。主要作品有《彼得·卡门青》、《荒原狼》、《东方之行》、《玻璃球游戏》等。

主要生平及创作
出生于德国西南部的小城卡尔夫的一个牧师家庭。自幼在浓重的宗教气氛中长大，1891年，他通过“邦试”，考入毛尔布隆神学校。由于不堪忍受经院教育的摧残，半年后逃离学校。这期间他游历许多城市，从事过多种职业。
　　
在比较广泛地接受东西方文化熏陶之后，1904年，黑塞发表了长篇小说《彼得·卡门青特》，一举成名，从此成为专业作家。这一年他与玛丽结婚，移居巴登湖畔，埋头写作，1906年发表了长篇小说《在轮下》。这一时期的创作以浪漫主义诗歌、田园诗风格的抒情小说和流浪汉小说为主，作品洋溢着对童年和乡土的思念之情，充满对广大自然和人类的爱，同时也表现了青年人的精神苦闷与追求。
　　
第一次世界大战后，黑塞的创作发生了明显的变化，他醉心于尼采哲学，求助于印度佛教和中国的老庄哲学，并对荣格的精神分析产生了深厚的兴趣。他试图从宗教、哲学和心理学方面探索人类精神解放的途径。这时期的长篇小说有《克努尔普》（1916）、《德米安》（1919）、《席特哈尔塔》（1922）、《荒原狼》（1927）和《纳尔齐斯与歌尔德蒙》（1930）等。这些书深受西方读者的喜爱，得到极高的评价，其中《荒原狼》曾轰动欧美，被托马斯·曼誉为德国的《尤利西斯》。
　　
30年代后，法西斯在德国猖獗，黑塞对社会前途陷入深深的怀疑与绝望之中，但他仍不倦地从东西方宗教与哲学中寻求理想世界，《东方之行》（1932）、《玻璃球游戏》（1943）正是这一时期追求与探索的结晶。
　　
黑塞被雨果·巴尔称为德国浪漫派最后一位骑士，这说明他在艺术上深受浪漫主义诗歌的影响。他热爱大自然，厌倦都市文明，作品多采用象征手法，文笔优美细腻；由于受精神分析影响，他的作品着重在精神领域里进行挖掘探索，无畏而诚实地剖析内心，因此他的小说具有心理的深度。1946年，"由于他的富于灵感的作品具有遒劲的气势和洞察力，也为崇高的人道主义理想和高尚风格提供一个范例"，黑塞获诺贝尔文学奖。