(单词翻译:单击)
We do a lot of segments on this show, and today, I'm going to start a new one.
我们之前在这个节目中已经谈论了很多话题，今天，我要开始一个新的话题。
Normally, I do my segments sitting over there, but this one cannot wait another minute.
通常，我会坐在那里讲述我的话题，但是这个话题不能再坐着讲了，不能再多等一分钟了。
I'm going to do it here, before I get to there. Today's segment is called, Why and How Come?
我要在这里讲述，在我到台上之前。今天的话题叫做“为什么和为什么会这样？”
What? Why? What? Huh? No. What? No. You're excited about it, that's great.
什么？为什么？什么？啊？不是。什么？不是。你们对此很兴奋，太好了。
In this segment, I'm going to talk about things that don't make sense to me.
在这个话题中，我将讨论一些对我来说没有多大关系的事情。
That's why it's called, Why and How Come?
这就是为什么它被称为“为什么和为什么会这样？”
Today, I'm going to talk about parking spikes, you know those things? The parking spikes?
今天，我要讲的是停车钉，你知道那些东西吗？停车钉？
Yeah, you do. You've seen them. Those.
是的，你知道吧。你见过那些东西。
Because someone just said, no. But you do. You've seen those.
因为台下有人刚刚说过，没见过。但你知道。你已经看过那些了。
They're spikes, and then you have to drive over when you exit a parking structure.
它们是尖状物，当你从停车场出来的时候，你必须开车出去。
And if you're in the right direction, no problem.
如果你是在正确的方向，没有问题。
But if you're going in the wrong direction, it's like a car got into a fight with a wolverine or something.
但如果你走错了方向，就像一辆车和金刚狼之类的东西杠上了一样。
So my question is, why and how come? I think it's a little aggressive, I mean,
所以我的问题是，为什么？为什么会这样？我觉得有点太激进了，我的意思是，
it's like, pay the $6 or we're going to destroy your car with knives that come out of the ground.
就像，你得付6美元，不然的话我们就用从地下钻出来的尖锐刀刃毁坏了你的车。
It's a parking lot, not the Temple of Doom, for crying out loud.
这只是一个停车场，不是末日神殿，可以让你大声呼喊。
Even when you know you're going in the right direction, sometimes you just get scared,
即使你知道你走的是正确的方向，有时你也会感到害怕，
You get paranoid. Oh, what if I roll over backwards, for some reason?
你就会变得多疑。噢，如果我因为某些原因向后翻车了呢？
Like if the car is in neutral or something, and then I panic.
就像如果车是在空档或出现其他意外情况，那时候我自然而然就慌了。
And then I'm late for work already. One nail in the tire is going to--
我上班已经迟到了。轮胎上的一颗钉子会……
then I've got all my tires just poked.
我的轮胎都被戳破了。
It's like Wile E. Coyote set up a trap for your car, or something like that,
就像“歪心狼”给你的车设了个陷阱，或者类似陷阱的东西，
when you're driving to work, they don't have these anywhere else,
当你开车去上班的时候，其他地方都没有这些陷阱，
They don't even have them in a hospital where there are free babies.
他们甚至没有把这些陷阱设在有婴儿的免费医院里面。
And that, to me, is where----you should have them.
对我来说，这就是你应该设置陷阱的地方。
Although somebody would need to keep the babies away, because they're spikes, and babies and spikes.
虽然有些人需要让孩子们远离这些东西，因为它们是尖状物，婴儿和尖状物。
I'm not going to do it, but someone should.
我不打算这么做，但有人应该会这么做。
You know where we could use those spikes, though? Because I tried to think of a reason.
你知道我们可以在哪里用那些尖状物，是吧？因为我想找个理由。
Close talkers, people that are too close to you,
亲密的谈话者，离你太近的人，
because if you stay a reasonable distance, then that's fine, nothing to worry about.
因为如果你保持一个合理的距离，那没关系，没什么好担心的。
But if you're close enough that I can count your eyebrow hairs.
但是如果你离我足够近，近到我可以数出你的眉毛有多少根。
Have you ever done that? Have you ever been talking to someone,
你以前有这样做过吗？你之前有在跟别人说话的时候，
and they were so close, you started counting their eyebrow hairs?
就开始数他们的眉毛有多少根吗？前提是你和他们离得非常近的情况下。
I haven't, I was just wondering if you had.
我没有这样过，我只是在想你有没有这样的经历。
Anyway, this concludes my first segment of Why and How Come?
总之，上面总结了我的第一个话题“为什么和为什么会这样？”
