Welcome to the show.
欢迎收看深夜秀
We have so much to talk about because after months and months of waiting
我们今天有很多话想聊 因为在等了这么多个月之后
tonight was the first formal presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
总统候选人唐纳德·特朗普和希拉里的第一场大选辩论就在今晚
And honestly, I meant to watch it. I did. I really did. I know, I know it's a big deal.
说真的 我本来是准备看的 真的 我是说真的 我知道这是件大事
But right before the debate aired, I was flipping through my DVR and I ended up watching this show called MacGyver.
但就在大选直播开始前 我本来在查看我的硬盘 结果开始看起了这部叫做百战天龙的剧
It is a reboot of the '80s show. Have you guys seen this thing?
这部剧翻拍自80年代秀 你们看过吗
Well, it had everything. It had action. It had adventure.
它里面什么元素都有 有动作 还有冒险情节
He made a parachute out of the Canope of a truck.
他用卡车的盖布做了一个降落伞
Take one canvas, add some tie downs, a little wind resistance, you got yourself a parachute.
拿一块帆布 加几根绳子 加上风的阻力 你的降落伞就做好了
I mean sure, he got hit by a car afterwards. But it was still awesome. It was.
但当然 他后来被汽车撞了 但这主意还是很棒 真的
Okay look, I'm sorry. I'm getting off topic here. We need to talk about the debates.
啊很抱歉 我跑题了 我们应该聊辩论的
Now there were lots of controversies leading up to these debates like when Donald Trump
关于这场辩论现在有很多争议 比如唐纳德·特朗普指责NBC的主持人
accused NBC's debate moderator Lester hold of bias stating that he was a democrat when in fact
莱斯特·霍尔特偏私因为他是个民主党人 但实际上
Lester hold has been a registered republican the whole time.
莱斯特·霍尔特一直是共和党人

I mean, you guys, this is just like how MacGyver thought his girlfriend Nikki Carpenter was a good
简直了 这就像麦吉弗以为自己女朋友是个好人
guy when actually she was a double agent working for the terrorists the whole time.
但实际上她是个双面间谍而且一直在为恐怖分子做事
Honestly. Look at that photo. I cannot believe that you betrayed MacGyver, you bitch.
真的 看看这张照片 真不敢相信你居然背叛了麦吉弗 贱人
But I'm so sorry, I didn't—I'm sorry.
我很抱歉 我没——抱歉
We need to get back to substance, the debate, you know, right, so.
我们回到主题 辩论 好
Debate, based on the post debate analysis, it sounded like Donald Trump as usual
辩论 根据对辩论的分析来看 唐纳德·特朗普跟以前一样
spent a lot of time deflecting the tough questions.
碰到难题就转移话题
Kind of like how MacGyver deflected those bullets with a drink tray. It's awesome, guys.
就像麦吉弗用装酒的托盘挡子弹一样 太帅了兄弟
I mean, we just knew the waiters happened to be using reinforced stainless steel to serve their cocktails.
反正他就是知道服务生就那么巧地用了加厚的不锈钢托盘送鸡尾酒
I'm so sorry. Back to the real issues at hand.
真的很抱歉 说回正题
Now there is the big question of how the candidates are going to deal with the threat of terrorism.
现在的难题是 候选人怎样处理恐怖主义的威胁
Trump says Hillary is soft on terror. Hillary says Trump has no experience with it.
特朗普说希拉里对恐怖分子的态度不够硬气 希拉里则说特朗普对此完全没有经验
I mean the truth is there is only one person who has a plan for how to effectively deal with terror
要我说 实际上只有一个人知道怎样高效的解决恐怖分子
and that's MacGyver's side kick Jack Dalton. Jack? Who loves you, baby.
看看麦吉弗的同伴杰克·代尔顿 杰克 我厉害吧
That's Jack Dalton is a real straight shooter.
这就是杰克·代尔顿 一个真正的直球爱好者
Unlike Donald Trump who has been caught in a lot of lies lately.
不像唐纳德·特朗普 最近他说谎的丑闻满天飞
He lied about his stance on the Iraq war, his charitable donations.
关于伊拉克战争他的立场 他的慈善捐款 全都是撒谎
If you are a republican, I know what you are thinking.
如果你们是共和党人 我理解你们的想法
If this guy is the hero, it's not looking good.
如果让这位来做你们的英雄 听起来似乎不太妙
Which is kind of like something I saw on MacGyver.
就像麦吉弗一样
Yeah, I know what you are thinking. If this guy is a hero, it's not looking good.
我知道你在想什么 如果让这位来做英雄 听起来不太妙
Okay, it's exactly like I saw on MacGyver. Now look I know I'm not allowed to vote in this country, okay.
跟麦吉弗的情节一模一样 我知道在美国我没有投票权
But I will tell you one thing, if I was allowed to vote, there is only one name that I would write on
但我想说 如果我有的话 我只会在投票券上写下
that ballot, someone with the ingenuity to solve real problems, someone brave and sexy
一个名字 她带着诚意 想要解决真正的问题 她又勇敢又性感
and you know who I am going to say, right. Yell it out. MacGyver!
你们知道我说的是谁对吗 大声说出她的名字 麦吉弗
No, Hillary Clinton. I'm not an idiot.
当然不是啊 我是说希拉里·克林顿 我又不傻