There's a lot of technology in the news today.
今天很多科技新闻
You all know that the self-driving cars that Google has been testing, you have heard of this, right? The self-driving car.
大家都知道谷歌最近在测试无人驾驶汽车 对吧 无人驾驶汽车
Yesterday they filed a patent for a new safety feature called pedestrian glue, right?
昨天他们申请了一项新的跟安全有关的专利 叫做行人胶水
Honestly, this is real.
这是真事
How it works is if the driverless car hits someone,
就是如果无人驾驶汽车撞到了人
it releases a glue-like coating so that the the person will stick to the hood instead of bouncing off, right?
车身会渗出一种胶水一样的膜 把行人粘在上面 防止把人撞飞
This is Google's real diagram. We didn't mock this up, right?
这个是他们给的示意图 不怪我们笑吧
Now some car companies might focus on making cars that don't hit people, not Google. No way.
别的汽车公司都在研究怎么样让车不撞到人 谷歌就不一样了 不撞人是不存在的
This is a really crazy idea.
这想法真的很疯狂
So if one of these cars hits you, you will be spread eagled, stuck to the hood as the car slowly rolls to a halt.
所以如果你被车撞了 你整个人会摊开 附着在车身上直到车子慢慢停下来

Because that was the problem with getting hit by a car before.
这样就不会出现人被撞伤的事故
It just wasn't embarrassing enough.
反正他们就是觉得这样还不够尴尬
On the flip side, if this catches on, it could be really useful for all the people like hit during carpool karaoke.
另一方面 如果继续演变下去 拼车秀的时候所有人都会喜欢上撞人的感觉
Now but the driverless car thing seems like it's really catching on lately.
最近无人驾驶汽车似乎真的很火
In fact the ride sharing company Uber has begun testing driverless cars on the streets of Pittsburgh,
实际上拼车公司优步也在匹兹堡的街上测试无人驾驶技术
finally Uber found a way to make out of work actors even more out of work.
终于优步找到了办法让那些无心工作的人更加无心工作
But don't worry, for all of you who love Uber, the experience isn't really going to change.
但别担心 对于那些喜欢优步的人来说 你们的生活并不会有多大改变
To keep in line with Uber's brand, their driverless cars will be programmed to smell like cologne
为了显示优步的品牌文化 他们的无人驾驶汽车将会散发出古龙水的味道
and also make female passengers really uncomfortable.
也让很多女性乘客很不舒服
But honestly, I think this whole driverless Uber thing is unnecessary.
但说真的 无人驾驶的优步真的很没必要
All you have to do now is get hit by one of those Google cars, and just hope it's going where you are going. You'll be fine.
你只需要让自己被谷歌的车撞上 然后如果这辆车的目的地刚好跟你一样 那就没事了
But in other news, here's something which is worse than getting hit by a car. Did you see this story?
但其他的新闻中写道了比被车撞还惨的情况 你们看这条新闻了吗
This week a California man recorded his wife giving birth,
本周加利福尼亚的一名男子记录下了自己妻子生产的过程
and accidentally live streamed it to the world on Facebook.
然后不小心在脸书上直播了
Like I've heard of people on Facebook over sharing, but ovary sharing? Thank you. One of my own.
我听说过脸书用户过度分享的 没听过卵巢分享的 谢谢 我自己写的
Can you imagine logging on to Facebook that day, oh, I wonder if Carol had their baby.
试想有一天你登上脸书 想 不知道卡罗尔有宝宝了没有
And she has, there it is, there.
然后就看到 啊她有了 在这儿呢
I've got to say, I really feel for this husband.
不得不说 我很同情这位男士
Like that must have been an awkward conversation with his wife afterwards.
后面他跟妻子一定进行了一场特别尴尬的对话
Like, on Facebook your mother says our child is the most beautiful baby she's ever seen.
你妈妈在脸书上说我们的孩子是他见过最好看的宝宝
And my friend Dennis says nice vagina.
我朋友丹尼斯说她的阴部不错