Because I have some exciting news.

我有个好消息

I invented some groundbreaking technology.

我发明了一些开创性的技术

What I've done, children, is I've made a machine that generates fail videos.

孩子们 我造了一台能制造失败视频的机器

It's called the Random Fail Generator 5,000.

叫做“随机失败制造机5000”

So this is the latest technology.

这是一项最新的技术

So let's say that you want to watch a random video.

比如说你想随便看一个视频

All I have to do is press this button. Let's give it a try, there.

我只需要按下这个按钮就能做到 来试一下

"Taco brag," what could that be? Let's look.

“玉米卷 吹嘘” 这是什么？来看看

And how much you pay for that taco?

你的玉米卷多少钱？

Ah, yo, you know this. Boy's got his free taco--

啊 兄弟 知道吧 我这个玉米卷免费

Ooh, he dropped his free taco.

噢 他免费的玉米卷打水漂了

You can't brag about a free taco without-- let's see what else we have.

你可不能吹嘘免费的玉米卷 看看还有什么

"Toddler wine?" I wonder what that is.

“小孩儿 红酒？” 这个我感兴趣

Ah, look how cute. Oh. And what's this right here?

啊 多可爱呀 哦 这是什么？

You should always give toddlers white wine.

大家应该只给小孩儿白酒

That's-- let's try another one.

再试一个

"Russian swing? We should see it!

“俄罗斯荡秋千？” 这个可不能错过

Oh, yeah. We all knew it was going to happen.

哦 耶 我们都知道会发生悲剧

And then-- just didn't know when.

只是不知道在哪一秒而已

Kids, don't try that at home, or anywhere, really.

孩子们 可别在家模仿啊 任何地方都不能

Twitch, why don't you do the last one?

推奇 最后一个机会让给你吧

I gave you one over there, too. OK. Oh, dope. OK, cool.

你那边也有一个控制器 好 哦 酷 好 棒

"Bicycle kiss." "Bicycle kiss?" What could that be? Let's look.

“自行车亲吻” “自行车亲吻？” 指什么？我们看看

Oh!

噢！

No. Oh, that's a shame. That's-- poor straight people.

不是吧 哦 太可惜了 可怜的异性恋人

I'm going to put it away so nobody else gets hurt.

我把它挪开 以免再有人受伤