Wonderful energy in this room.

大家真是活力四射啊

This is-- oh, I'm just going to get right to it.

真的 哦 我就直接开门见山了

OK. Because something crazy is happening.

好 因为又有件很疯狂的事

No one has won the Mega Millions lottery yet.

目前还没有人赢得超级百万彩票

It's up to $1.6 billion. $.16 billion.

中奖额度已经提升至16亿美元了 16亿美元

With a B. As in big and bonkers and bananas and Beyonce and bootylicious and--

带亿的呀 就像十亿百亿千亿万亿里的那个亿

I'm just thinking of words with a B now.

我只顾着想带有亿的词了

But the lottery director is calling it uncharted territory.

但彩票主管说这还是个未知领域

I'm calling it holy crap. I want to win.

我觉得它是天啦噜啊 我想中奖

$1.6 billion.

16亿美元

So before you start shopping for the yachts and getting excited about everything,

所以在你们买游艇和高兴疯掉之前

because I'm sure you've all bought tickets.

我相信大家都已经买了彩票

The odds of winning are 302 million to one.

中奖几率是3.02亿分之一

302 million. To put that in perspective, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning,

3.02亿 说具体点 你被闪电击中

giving birth to identical quadruplets while being attacked by a shark at the same time.

生出一模一样的四胞胎 同时还被鲨鱼攻击的可能性都比中奖率要高

All of those things.

所有东西加一起

You have a one in 33 million chance of being elected president if you meet the qualifications.

如果你能满足所有要求 你有3300万分之一的可能被当选为总统

And if you do meet the qualifications, please run. Please.

如果你真的能满足所有要求 请参选总统吧 一定要参选

Please run. Please.

求你们参选吧 求你们

Please.

求求你们了

It doesn't take a lot of qualifications.

总统要求也没那么高呀

Anyway, $1.6 billion is insane.

言归正传 16亿美元简直是天文数字

It's the largest jackpot in history.

这是有史以来最大的中奖数额了

And if you do win-- you won't-- but if you do--

如果你们真的中奖了 那是不可能的 不过万一你中了

I mean, you might. But probably not. You won't. I doubt it.

毕竟还是有可能的 不过应该不会 你们不会中奖的 我表示怀疑

Anyway, someone is going to win. But probably not us.

总之呢 总有一个人会中奖 不过应该不是我们

Anyway, there are some things that you should know.

有些事情你需要留意一下

And you should do right away.

你需要在第一时间做的事

First of all, you have to choose between a yearly payment or one big payment.

首先 你得选择是每年支付还是一次性付清

And after taxes, you, well, after taxes it's $905 million.

交完税后 你还能剩9.05亿美元

So it's not the $1.6 billion you were hoping for.

所以不是你期待的16亿美元

So anyway, they say if you win-- you won't.

总之呢 他们说如果你中奖了 不可能中的

But if you do, you're supposed to sign the back of the ticket immediately to claim it.

但万一要是中了 你应该迅速在彩票背面签字 宣示所有权

So this is very important.

这一点非常重要

You get yourself a Sharpie, you flip the ticket over, and very, very neatly,

拿一支记号笔 把彩票翻过来 非常整洁地写下

you write out E, L, L. E, N. Big D, little e, big G eneres.

E L L E N 大写的D 小写的e 大写的G 然后是eneres

So, and they say if you win, to remain anonymous and stay at your job so your life doesn't drastically change overnight.

他们说如果你中奖了 要低调匿名 正常工作 避免你的生活在一夜之间发生巨变

Although people may be suspicious when you show up to work with those new boobs you always wanted.

虽然你带着一直想要的新胸去上班 人们总是会有所怀疑

Greg, did you get new boobs?

Greg 你是不是新垫了胸

The next drawing is tonight. You got to be in it to win it.

下一波抽奖就在今晚 大家得先参与才有机会

So I went ahead, and I bought a ticket for each one of you.

不过我未雨绸缪了 给所有人都买了一张票