As you know, I have been doing this show for 15 years.

大家知道 我主持这个节目15年了

And people always ask me, what is the secret to my success.

人们经常问我 成功的秘诀是什么

I always tell them the same thing. Two words. Butt pads.

我告诉他们的答案都一样 两个字 屁垫

But I think one of the most important things you can do for yourself is get a good night's sleep.

不过我觉得大家能为自己做的最重要的一件事就是好好休息

Don't you agree?

你们同意吗

Yeah. There are a lot of things you can do, and like there's something called smart pajamas.

同意 大家可以做很多事 比如有一种叫做智能睡衣的东西

Have you seen these? It's a special fabric that regulates your body temperature.

你们见过吗 它是一种特殊的织物 可以调控体温

They're designed by the quarterback Tom Brady.

它们是由四分卫汤姆·布拉迪设计的

And yep. They're perfect if you ever wanted to get into Tom Brady's pants.

没错 如果你们想穿汤姆·布拉迪的裤子的话 买这个就对了

Or if you wear them you'll just like Tom Brady, except without the money or anything else.

如果穿上这个 你就跟汤姆·布拉迪一样了 只不过是穷人版的他

They cost $200.

这些要200美元

Apparently they regulate your body temperature by making you too poor to pay your heating bill.

很明显 它们是让你穷到买不起暖气 从而达到调节体温的目的

Three jokes for the price of one, right there.

就这一个价格我说出了三个笑话

Right, three jokes right after the first one.

听到了吧 刚开始就说了三个笑话

There are also some high tech beds that you can buy to help you sleep.

大家还可以买一些高科技床帮助睡眠

This one I found on Amazon. It is called the Relaxman Relaxation Capsule.

这是我在亚马逊上看到的 它叫做Relaxman放松舱

I don't like that it says Relaxman. What about women?

我不喜欢Relaxman这个词 那女性怎么办

It's completely heat, light, and soundproof, providing total isolation for the ideal environmental therapy.

它保暖 有光还隔音 与外界完全隔绝 是完美的治疗环境

How much would you pay for that? $90,000?

你们愿意花多少钱买它？9万美元？

It's only $89,995. But the shipping is free.

只需89995美元 包邮

I'm sorry, I'm wrong it's $2,500.

不好意思 我说错了 只需要2500美元

Basically it's a soundproof pod, so when you're inside, the silence and isolation helps you sleep.

其实它就是个隔音舱 躺进去的时候 寂静和隔绝能帮助你入睡

Or if you have kids, you can lock them inside and watch Law and Order in peace and quiet.

如果有孩子的话 你可以把孩子锁在里面 自己安静地看会儿《法律与秩序》

There is another bed I found.

我还发现了另一种床

If you live in California, you might have a hard time sleeping because you're worried about earthquakes.

如果你住在加州 你可能很难入睡 因为担心随时会发生地震

I don't know if anybody's worried about it.

不知道到底有没有人担心这个

But if you are, there's a company in China that designed a bed to keep you safe.

如果你真的担心 中国有一家公司设计了能保你安然无恙的床

Here it is.

就是这个

For people living in seismically active regions, Dahir Insaat has developed the earthquake safety bed,

专为那些住在地震活动带的人 Dahir Insaat研发了地震安全床

which instantly transforms into a shelter during the first underground tremors of an earthquake.

它会在发生地震时第一次颤抖的瞬间变形成避难所

Yeah. There is that. Uh-huh.

没错 就是这样 啊哈

You'll feel so much safer knowing that if there's an earthquake, you'll be violently flipped over and sealed in a box.

如果你知道发生地震时 你会被暴力翻转 锁进一个箱子里 那你肯定会觉得安全很多

And it works perfectly as long as you're sleeping in a straight line and nothing is hanging off the bed.

如果你睡姿笔直 而且床上没有挂东西 那它就能完美运作

My arm! My arm!

我的胳膊 我的胳膊

That was just a prototype, but they also made a real one.

刚才那只是个模型 不过他们也造了个真的

And that is how babies are made.

人就是这么造出来的