Thank you so much.
谢谢大家
Cheers, guys. Thank you. Thanks for being here.
谢谢 谢谢你们的到来
Ladies and gentlemen, the Iowa caucuses are a mere two weeks away.
女士们先生们 还有两周 爱荷华就要召开党团会议了
And there was a huge development yesterday.
昨天发生了一件大事
Because Donald Trump received a critical endorsement from former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin.
因为唐纳德·特朗普获得了阿拉斯加州州长萨拉·佩林的关键性一票
So great to be in Iowa, we're here just tha-wing out.
真的很开心能来爱荷华 我们今天要来打破僵局
Are you ready to make America great again?
你们准备好要让美国再次强大了吗
You ready for a commander in chief who will let our warriors do their job and go kick Isis ass!
你们准备好迎接你们的领袖 让他带领士兵冲上前线 把ISIS赶出国门了吗
I mean you just know that John Mccain is on his couch at home watching the TV
你们应该都知道 约翰·麦凯恩正坐在家里的沙发上看着电视
like Donald, dude, this is a bad idea.
说 唐纳德 兄弟 你这么做可不合适
Trust me.
相信我

But I mean this whole speech was particularly confusing. Take a look at this.
这整个演讲都让人摸不着头脑 看看这里
Looking around at all of you, you hard working, Iowa families, you teachers and teamsters
看看我们的周围 我们有努力的爱荷华家庭 有教师 司机
and cooks, you rockin' rollers, holy rollers!
厨师 还有摇滚歌手 真好
She sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.
感觉像在念索伊斯博士的书
If Dr. Seuss wanted to deport all of the Sneetches and Woozles.
如果索伊斯博士不想写史里奇和黄鼠狼了的话
At one point Paltin tells the audience that she knows they're putting their reputations at risk by supporting Donald Trump.
佩林还说 她知道支持特朗普很有可能会毁掉她的名声
So what kind of reputations do they have?
不知道她有什么名声能拿来毁掉呢
I'm pretty sure most of them are like, I just came out to see people from the TV.
我估计很多观众来看这场演讲的目的在于 我就是想来看看那些以前在电视上才能看到的人
You know you just know that there was one guy there who was like wow, the guy from the apprentice and Tina Fey.
现场有个人说 哇 这不是《飞黄腾达》里面的那个人吗 还有演萨拉·佩林的那个人
But you want to watch how Sarah Palin ended her speech.
还有你一定不能错过的是萨拉·佩林是怎么结束这个演讲的
No more pussyfootin around.
不用再小心翼翼了
No more pussyfootin around, I have to say, I was so relieved to hear her add the words footin around.
不用再小心翼翼了 不得不说 听到她在后面加了一句小心翼翼 我真的松了口气（不加指女性生殖器）
I was very worried for a secretary about her new policy proposal
我还在担心这位女士的新提案无法通过
but one person who is not getting such a ringing endorsement is Ted Cruz
那边泰德·科鲁兹连这样一个敢于站出来支持他的人都没有
whose old college roommate Craig Mazin has taken to twitter to inform the world that Ted Cruz is the worst. Right.
正相反 他的大学室友克雷格·麦辛站出来发推告诉全世界泰德·科鲁兹是个多么恶劣的人 没错
Now Craig Mazin wrote the movies the hangover 2-and-3
克雷格·麦辛成了肯定就是写《宿醉》2和3的编剧
and if there is anyone on earth who can identify something as the worst it is the guy who wrote the hangover 3.
因为如果世界上有任何一个人有权认定谁是世界上最恶劣的人的话 这个人一定是写《宿醉》2和3的编剧
We can all agree on that.
这点是大家公认的事实
But his tweets are pretty enlightening when it comes to Ted Cruz.
但他讲泰德·科鲁兹的推文真的很有意思
Let's take a look. This is one of his tweets.
一起来看 这是其中一条
He put as a freshman I would get into senior parties because I was Ted's roommate, out of pity.
我虽然才大一 但我巴不得早点参加大四生的毕业晚会 因为很遗憾地我成了泰德·科鲁兹的室友
He was that widely loathed. It's his superpower.
大家都很讨厌他 这就是他的超能力
Now look, everybody has a roommate that they hated.
每个人都有一个很讨厌的室友
But now imagine if one day you woke up and that roommate was running for president.
但是设想一下 如果有一天你醒来 发现你的室友要去竞选总统了
It would be horrifying.
这真的很可怕
So you just want to turn up to every press conference
你恨不得去参加他的每一场新闻发布会
and stand at the back and go why done you tell them what you did to my pretzel's Ted.
站在后面 喊 泰德 你怎么不告诉他们 你对我的饼干都干了些什么
Yeah, you remember? Yeah, yeah, no, I'm not going shut up.
你还记得吗 不 我才不闭嘴
You tell them about the pretzel's Ted.
你跟大家都说说饼干的事吧
No one eats pretzels like that, Ted.
没有人会像你那样吃饼干
Just saying he had sex with pretzels.
就告诉大家他用你的饼干来自慰了啊
It's a joke, not true, he didn't really.
开个玩笑 这个是假的 他没这么干
But the tweeting has done wonders for Craig Mazin who apparently gained quite a following.
但是克雷格·麦辛的推文确实让他涨了不少粉丝
He said he put I have 30,000 followers now.
他说 我现在有3万粉了
And all I had to do was be stuck in a room with Ted Cruz for a year.
但我还是要跟泰德·科鲁兹一起住一年
I'm sure you are all nice, but so not worth it.
我知道你们人都很好 但是不值得
This guy did not like Ted Cruz.
这个人是真的讨厌泰德·科鲁兹
But Ted has had a rough week.
泰德本周也确实过的不如意
He didn't get his old friend Sarah Palin's endorsement.
他的老朋友萨拉·佩林没有选择支持他
He's getting roasted on twitter.
在推特上又备受讨论
I mean you could almost feel bad for the guy.
我都觉的有点同情他了
And then you watch this and you get over it pretty quick.
我们来看看这个吧 帮你平复下心情
Machine gun bacon.
枪口烤培根