Not only is this the season of forgiving, it's also awards season in LA.
现在不光是宽恕的季节 也是洛杉矶的获奖季
Which starts now and goes until next year, actually. It's not just movies and television.
说起来 它得从现在一直持续到明年呢 它不光关乎电影和电视
Grammy nominations just came out. There's going to be a lot of big performances that we're going to see soon.
格莱美提名刚公布 很快我们就会看到很多超棒的表演了
I notice a lot of bands use all kinds of things to make their performances more exciting.
我发现很多乐队会用各种工具让他们的表演更加劲爆
They use smoke machines, and special effects, and confetti cannons, and stuff like that.
他们会用烟雾机 特技效果 彩纸炮之类的东西
And I'm a comedian, and the only thing that I get, really, is a stool and a mic.
我是个喜剧演员 我唯一有的就是个凳子和一个麦
And I'm noticing now, I don't even have those things. I have no stool and no mic.
但我发现现在我连这两样都没有 我没有凳子也没有麦
I'm just talking very loud, so people at home hear me.
我现在说话很大声 为了能让你们听到

So, if we're really lucky we get a rim shot, but Twitch doesn't have drums.
如果我们足够幸运的话 还能弄个鼓敲敲 不过推奇没有鼓
Oh, or does he? So anyway, my point is, here's what I'm getting to.
哦 没准儿有呢？总之啊 我想说的是
I always thought it would be really fun to see what it's like to be a rock star, comedian slash.
我一直觉得喜剧演员当摇滚明星肯定特别好玩儿
You know, to have this same kind of special effects, because I like smoke, and destroying hotel rooms, and things like that.
懂吧 有那些特效 因为我喜欢烟雾 把宾馆烧毁之类的
So, I'm going to combine the two to see how it works.
所以我要把这两者结合起来看看效果如何
When I come back out here we are going to rock man. We're going to rock
等我再回到台上的时候要嗨翻全场 嗨爆
Yes, Burbank. Make some noise Burbank.
耶 伯班克 来点尖叫声 伯班克
I can't hear you Burbank, make some noise.
叫声在哪里伯班克 让我听到你们的狂欢
Thanks a whole lot. OK, here we go.
非常感谢 好 开始了
This first joke goes a little something like this, and I need you to join in, OK?
第一个笑话是这样的 我需要你们帮忙 好吧
When I say it's cold, you're going to say how cold is it. All right?
我说冷你们说多冷 好吗
So, boy it's cold in LA. How cold is it? 85 degrees is not that cold.
天哪洛杉矶真冷呀 多冷？85华氏度（约29摄氏度）还没那么冷
Rock stars also have backup dancers so I thought I should try that, Gertrude, Beatrice come on out.
摇滚明星们还有伴舞演员 所以我也要感受一下 格特鲁德 碧翠丝快出来
Last week was the Victoria's Secret fashion show, and to celebrate, today I'm wearing two bra's.
上周是维密时装秀 为了庆祝它 今天我可是穿了两件内衣哦
Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. This next joke is a classic, it's old school, it's one of the first jokes that I ever wrote.
嗯 对 好 好 下一个笑话特别经典 是老派风格 这是我最早发明出来的笑话
So, people like to hear old school stuff, classic hits. So, here's one of my first jokes ever.
人们喜欢听一些老掉牙的东西 经典再现 这是我最早的原创笑话
I like to exercise, it's important to stay in shape.
我喜欢运动 保持良好的身材很重要
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
我奶奶60岁的时候就开始每天走个五英里
She's 97 today, and we don't know where the hell she is.
现在她97岁了 我们都不知道她跑哪儿去了
That's not fair. I need something bigger actually, for that joke.
这不公平 我要讲完这个笑话后的场面更轰动点
I exercise, it's important to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
我运动 保持良好的身材很重要 我奶奶60岁的时候就开始每天走个五英里
She's 97, we don't know where the hell she is.
现在她97岁了 我们都不知道她跑哪儿去了
Yes, thank you. Thank you, Burbank. I love you.
好 谢谢大家 谢谢伯班克 我爱你们
Hi, I'm Andy. Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel so you can see more awesome videos.
大家好 我是安迪 艾伦让我提醒大家订阅她的频道 观看更多超棒的视频
Like videos of me getting scared, or saying embarrassing things, like ball peen hammer.
比如我被吓到的视频 或者说一些很尴尬东西的视频 比如圆头手锤
And also, some videos of Ellen and other celebrities, if you're into that sort of thing.
还有关于艾伦和其他名人的视频 如果你感兴趣的话