It's funny the things you forget.
你可能会遗忘一些搞笑的事情
I went to see my mother the other day, and she told me this story that I'd completely forgotten about how,
前几天我去看望我妈妈 她给我讲了一个我已经毫无印象的故事
when we were driving together, she would pull the car over,
曾经我们正在开车 她想停车
and by the time she had gotten out of the car, and gone around the car to let me out of the car,
当她下车 绕着车走了一圈 然后让我出来的时候
I would have already gotten out of the car and pretended to have died.
我已经下车 躺在地上装死
Because that's how you die.
这么赞的死法
And I remember, that was a game I used to play with myself to entertain myself whenever I was bored or frustrated. Settle down
我记得以前每次我感到无聊难过的时候 我就跟我自己玩装死的游戏 让自己冷静下来
People say we live in an age of information overload. Right?
人们常说我们生活在一个信息泛滥的时代 对吧
I don't know about that, but I just know that I get too many marketing emails.
我不知道那是不是真的 我只知道我收到了太多的垃圾邮件
I got a marketing email from a supermarket firm, which will remain nameless for predominantly legal reasons,
我收到过一个来自超市集团的营销邮件 由于法律原因不提到它的真实名字

but which I'm going to call "SafeMart."
我们就叫它“安全超市”好了
I got an email from them, and it went like this, it said:
我收到一封他们的邮件 内容大概是
"Just three weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"
“还有三周安全超市就要在国王十字路口开张啦！！！”
And I resented this, because not only do I not remember signing up to that,
我讨厌这种邮件 因为我不仅记不得我何时订阅过这样的消息
but I resent the fact that they appear to think that I should be excited about a shop opening.
而且我对他们似乎认为我会对一个超市的开业感到很兴奋这一事实感到厌恶
So what I did was I scrolled down to the bottom of the email, and I pressed, "Unsubscribe."
所以我要做的就是 把鼠标滑到邮件的底部然后点击“退订”
And I thought that'd be the end of it.
我想这件事就算过去了
But a week later, I got another one that said, "Just two weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"
没想到 一周后我又收到了一封邮件 上面写道 “距离国王十字路口开张只有两周啦！！！”
And I thought, obviously, I haven't clicked hard enough.
我想 应该是我上次没有退订成功
So I tried it again. Right?
然后我又退订了一次 这样应该好了吧
Lo and behold, a week passes, you guessed it,
没想到 过了一周你猜怎么着
"Just one week until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"
“还有一周安全超市即将在国王十字路口开张啦！！！”
And here's the problem: The internet gave us access to everything;but it also gave everything access to us.
这就有问题了：互联网让我们与世界相连 同时也让所有东西与我们相连
It's hard enough to discriminate between the things that genuinely matter in this world and the minutiae of life,
我们可能就会很难分辨世界上真正重要的东西和生活中琐碎的事
without having emails about supermarket chains and Candy Crush Saga.
没有关于连锁超市和糖果传奇（一款手机游戏）的邮件
And I was really annoyed with them,
我真的是烦透他们了
and I thought, OK, I was about to write a strongly worded email,
于是我想该是写一封严厉谴责他们的邮件的时候了
which I can do quite well.
我很擅长这种事儿
And I thought, no I'm going to find the game.
然后我仔细想想不我要陪它们玩下去
So I replied to it, and I said, "I literally cannot wait!!!!"
所以我回复了它 我写到“我真是等不及了啊！！！”
"What do you need from me?"
“我可以为你们做些什么呢？”
They got back to me; a guy called Dan said,
一个叫 丹 的人给我回复了写道：
"Hi James. I've asked a colleague to help me with your query."
“詹姆斯 你好 我刚刚邀请了一名同事来处理你的请求”
Like it needs help.
好像他才需要帮助吧
And I said, "What's the plan, Dan?
我说：“你们有什么打算呢 丹？
I'm thinking fireworks, bouncy castle ..."
我能想到的是开业的烟花充气的城堡……”
"I'm not sure what you mean."
丹：“我没搞懂你的意思”
I said, "I'm just tremendously excited about the opening!"
我说：“我太激动啦！你们要开业啦！”
"Do you want to book the bouncy castle or shall I?"
“你打算订充气城堡 还是我来订？”
He said, "I think you have misunderstood."
他说：“我觉得你可能误会了”
"A new store is opening, but there is no celebration planned."
我们确实要开业但是没有打算要举行开业典礼
I said, "But what was all the 'Three weeks until,' 'Two weeks until' emails? I was getting excited."
我说：“但是你们每周都有发那些开业倒计时邮件啊 让我都白激动了啊”
"I'm sorry you're disappointed." I said, "Not to worry.
丹：很抱歉 让您失望了 我说：“没事
Let's do something anyway!
不管怎么样我们还是做点什么吧！
Besides, the deposit on the bouncy castle was non-refundable."
再说充气城堡的订金已经不能退了
"If we don't use it, we're out a few hundred quid, Dan."
如果我们不用它我们就浪费了几百块呢 丹”
He said, "Mr. Veitch, I'm not responsible for anything you have ordered."
他说：“威驰先生我对您所订购的东西没有任何责任”
I said, "Let's not get into who did what.
我说：“我们先别说谁做了什么
Bottom line: you and I are in this together."
无可否认 我们现在已经在一条船上了
"Question: Will you be there to make sure people take their shoes off?"
请问：你愿意一直在旁边看着保证别人都把鞋子脱了吗？”
I'll be honest, then my relationship with Dan deteriorated somewhat,
实话实说 那之后我跟丹的关系在某种程度上就恶化了
because the next email I got was this:
因为我发现下一封邮件是这样写的：
"Thanks for your email - your Case Number is"
“感谢您的邮件 您的处理编号是”
That's outrageous. I said, "Dan?"
这真是让我哭笑不得 我说：“丹 在吗？”
And I got -- and I was just like, this is and I, I
然后我收到的还是 这 让我
And I said, "Danny?"
我说：“丹哥 你在吗？！”
And I thought, this is terrible. All I'm doing is collecting case numbers.
我觉得 这太糟糕了我一直在收到这些处理编号
I said, "D-Dog?" "The store is now open."
我说：“是电子狗吗？”“超市现在开张了 丹”
I said, "But Dan, they must have wondered why there was no bouncy castle."
我说：“但是 丹大家都会想为什么没有充气城堡吧”
And then we were back to this.
然后又变成了处理邮件
And that might have been the end of the story,
故事应该在此就结束了
but I remembered that anything everything
但是我突然发觉 任何事 每件事
even something as mundane as getting out of a car, can be fun if you find the right game.
甚至于一些日常小事儿 如下车只要掌握了正确的玩法都能变得有趣
So, this is what I replied:
所以 我就回复到：
And we just, uh It was like we were dancing.
然后我们就 这就像我们在翩翩起舞
It was just a beautiful relationship.
就像我们是完美的关系
We just kept going. It was lovely.
我们就这样进行下去太和谐了
But to be honest, guys, it was quite labor-intensive,
但是老实说伙计们 这挺费功夫的
and I had other stuff to do, believe it or not.
我还有别的事情要忙 不论你信不信
So what I did is I have a little email auto-replier program.
于是我做了一个邮件自动回复程序
And I set it up so every time it receives an email from SafeMart, it just pings one back.
我设置好了程序每一次从安全超市收到邮件它就这样发送一封回去
So I set it up, and it says, "Thanks for your email - your Case Number is "
我设置好的内容是 “谢谢您的邮件 您的处理编号为”
Then it has a little formula that I wrote to up the case number every time.
它包含一个每次加1的小计算
And I put it on the server and set it running.
然后把它放入服务器让它运转
I'll be honest, guys then I forgot about it.
坦白讲我最后把这事给忘了
I checked back on it the other day, and it appears there have been a number of emails going back and forth.
过了几天我回头查看邮件它显示出 来回的回复邮件
We're on 21,439.
达到21439篇
It gives me an immense sense of satisfaction to know that
这件事带给我了很大的满足感我意识到
these computer programs are just going to be pinging one another for eternity.
这两个计算机程序会一直这样互动下去无穷无尽
And as legacies go, I don't think that's bad.
这样流传下去感觉也还是不错的
So guys, just remember:
所以朋友们 请记住：
if ever you feel weighed down by the bureaucracy
如果你们感觉自己被官僚主义深深压迫
and often mundanity of modern life, don't fight the frustration.
或者被平淡无奇的生活压迫 不要和沮丧做无谓的抗争
Let it be the catalyst for whimsy. Thank you.
让它成为我们的动力 搞点小怪 谢谢