I was not fully aware of you. I saw you when you were hosting an event for GLAAD.
我以前都不怎么了解你 我以前见你 在为同性恋反诽谤联盟举办一个活动
And Portia and I thought you were hilarious.
波西娅和我都觉着你很幽默
And then I saw the documentary, and I was like,
后来我看到了那个纪录片 我就想
"How am--how is she not on my radar?
我怎么...她的名字为什么从未出现在我的雷达？
How do I not know who this woman is?"
我竟然会不知道她？
And I tracked you down, I got your number, and I called you and I apologized
然后 我就跟随着你 问你要了号码 给你打了电话 向你道歉
for not knowing who you were and not supporting you earlier on,
抱歉我之前对你一无所知 抱歉我没有早早地来支持你

and saying, "I think that you're brilliant and brave, and inspiring," and so forth.
我说 “我觉得很有才气 很勇敢 很有启发性” 我还说了很多
Well, I appreciate that, and it'sI found it very kind, and also amusing
嗯 真的谢谢你 嗯这… 我想你真善良 又觉得你有些好笑
that you thought you owed me an apology. It kind of felt like if, um--
你竟然想向我道歉 这就好像是…嗯…
You know, if I was, like, getting a phone call from Oprah or something, saying,
你知道 就像是 接了个来自奥普拉或者其他人的电话 她对我说
"I know you probably heard I had a dinner party the other night,
我想你应该听说了 那天我出席了一个晚宴
and I just want to apologize for not inviting you."
我很抱歉 没有邀请你
I wasn'tI didn'tI wasn't waiting for this, you know?
我没有…我没…其实我并没有期待着这个电话 你懂？
I mean, of course I'm thrilled to be here, but, I appreciate it.
我说 当然啦 要是能去 我一定记得激动得飞起 不过 我还是很感激你哒
But then we talked on the phone,
然后 我们在电话上交谈了起来
and it turns out we have met before, that I didn't remember.
事实证明 其实我们以前就见过 只是我不记得了罢了
Well, yeah, years ago-- about 18 years ago,
嗯 对啊 几年前吧 大概18年前
I had just moved to Los Angeles, and your ex-girlfriend
那是我刚刚搬去了洛杉矶 你前女友
had hired me to bartend her private graduation
雇我去在她的私人毕业晚会上做了酒保
at this Little Frida's coffee shop? You remember that night? No. Okay.
就在那个佛罗里达州的小小的咖啡馆里 你还记得那个晚上么？不记得了 好吧
It happened, and I had to wear a bow tie, and serve alcohol.
确实发生过啦 我还必须佩戴蝴蝶结的领带 还要端酒
And you came up and she introduced us, and said,
然后 你走过来 我们互相介绍 还说
"Oh, yeah, you guys--your families know each other," and you're like "Oh, cool."
哦 耶 你们 你们家的人都互相认识 然后 你就像是 “哦 酷~”
And, uh... And then I was like, "All right, see you in 18 years."
然后 呃... 我好像说 “好吧 十八年后再见”
yeah. So-- And you were right. It's weird you'd say that.
对...呃嗯... 你是对的 但你说这话好奇怪哦
So--so-- But I'm so glad that I know you now.
所以...所以...不过我还是很高兴 现在终于认识你了
Yeah. And I can just drive by your house and honk--
是呀 以后我就可以顺路到你家 然后 按一按喇叭
Well, I was going to say: are we going to ignore what happened this morning?
好吧 我是想说：我们就这样忽略今天早上发生的事情么？
No, you can talk about it. Well, after Ellen called me,
不不不 你可以讲讲的 恩 艾伦打电话给我之后呢
we've kept in touch texting, and I realized that this show tapes
我们都有互相发消息 保持联系 然后 我突然想到 这个节目
right around the corner from my house.
正好在我家附近录制
So it's like, "Hey, I just realized "I live right around the corner from you, "where you tape your show.
我就说 “嘿 我突然想到” “我住的地方离你好近” “离你录节目的地方很近”
"Do you mind just swinging by on the morning of the taping and just honk and say hello?"
你会不会介意 在录制节目的那天早上 顺道过来 按按喇叭 问个好？
And she said, "I sure will." And so this morning... a honk for about a minute.
然后 她说 “我会的” 所以 今天早上按了整整一分钟的喇叭
The plan was to go up to the window and wave
我本来的计划是 我走到车窗那边
with my new little kitten, but my cat--
和我的小猫一起 跟艾伦打个招呼 可是 我的猫
and girlfriend ran out of the room, horrified, standing under the cabinet,
还有我的女友 跑出了房间 害怕极了 就站在柜子边上
And I felt so terrible about that, that I would scare an animal.
我感觉好抱歉呀 因为 我吓到了一只小动物
I just thouight it would be funnier.
我只想搞笑一下
You said, "honk," so I just thought if I just lay on the horn...it would be funnier.
你说 ”按喇叭” 所以我就想 如果我一直按着喇叭 这样会比较搞笑
It was funny--it's just my cat wasn't amused at all. No.
这灰常搞笑 可是我的猫一点都没笑 没有呀
Tell Fluff I'm very sorry. I will. Yes. You can. Oh, Fluffy, I'm so sorry.
转告毛茸茸 我真的很抱歉 我会的 恩 你也可以啊 哦 毛茸茸 我真的非常抱歉
What I love about your stand up is, you just take your time.
我喜欢你一贯的作风 你总是笃悠悠
You're so slow. You don't care that there's lot of silence and lots of space,
你生活节奏很慢 你丝毫不介意 是否太过安静 或者 周遭是否太过空旷
and that's a brave thing to do, period.
这是件很需要勇气的事情 暂且这样说
But then--you know, you've had a double mastectomty.
但是 后来你做了双乳房切除手术
You talk about that, with breast cancer.
你也讨论起自己得过的乳房癌
And at a certain point in the show, you just take off your shirt, and you're just topless.
在节目播放到 某个节点的时候 你就把你的衣服脱了 然后赤裸着
I know. I texted you-- Portia and I were like, that is the bravest thing
我知道 我给你发过消息 波西娅和我都觉得 这是最勇敢的行为了
to just take away the stigma of being ashamed, or any--
只是脱掉外套 而不以为耻 或者其他心理...
I mean, that must be a powerful feeling the first time you did it.
我是说 你的内心一定有一股很强势的力量 在你第一次做这事的时候
Well, itI was excited to do it, but then it wasI've done it three times.
恩这...我当时很兴奋 但然后...我一共脱了三次
I have a show at Largo here in Los Angeles,
我参加了一个叫Largo的节目 在洛杉矶
and II did it there, and the first time I did it,
我..我在那里 第一次脱下了我的衣服
I was like, "Oh, my gosh, um... My shirt's off."
我就像是 “哦 我的天哪” ”我的衣服掉了”
And I could feel a little bit of nerves about it,
我能感到自己有些紧张
but then I did it again in New York, at the comedy festival,
然后 我在纽约又尝试了一次 在喜剧节的时候
and I just-- at that point I was like, "All right, yeah, my shirt's off."
我就是...那个时候 我说“好吧 恩 我的衣服掉了”
And then I just decided I'd do it for my HBO special,
然后 我就决定在HBO电视台来点更特别的
and there's something--it is-- you know, some people were--
有些...事情..有些人
when I was going to do it, they thought it was really cool.
当我说 我要这么做的时候 他们觉得 哇 好酷
And then I remember one person saying, you know,
然后 我还记得有个人说
"I'm scared it might come across as a, you know, some sort of stunt."
我怕 这会演变成一种 你懂我要说什么 一种作秀
And I was like, "Oh, yeah. It is." You know. Make no mistake, you know.
我说 “哦 对 是啊” 你懂我 不要搞错
I want people to talk about my comedy and talk about cancer.
我是希望人们 会谈谈我的喜剧 我的癌症
And I think I just realizedI was, for a while, very uncomfortable with my body,
然后 我突然意识到 那段时候 我的身体都觉得很不自在
and then it hit me that I have scars because my body healed, and it's really not a big deal.
然后 我意识到 自己因为受过伤而留下了伤疤 但这真的不是什么大事
That obviously cancer is, but the scars are evidence of healing. That you healed. That I healed.
癌症才是大事 但是 伤疤即是受过伤的证明 但你痊愈了 恩 我痊愈了
And I also--even if I'm going to make a point about something,
我还..即使我想要说点什么
because I love silliness, I thought there was something kind of silly
我喜欢蠢蠢的 我觉得这想法有点蠢
to have my shirt off and just talk about air travel. Yeah, I know. That's the thing.
就是 我想把我的衣服脱了 然后谈谈空中旅行 恩 我懂 就像有些事
You just leave it off, and then you just go on to talk about other things,
你刚刚放下 然后你转头去 讨论另一些事情
and after a while it just becomes a non-issue.
再过段时间 这个事儿就无关紧要了
You're like--you're just listening to you talk
你就会...你专注于你讨论的内容
when you just have pants on, and it's like-- It's like, "Wow."
即使你穿了条裤子 就好像 你会“哇”的一声
Well, yeah, I saw you do your monologue with your shirt on,
嗯 是啊 我看到你穿着衣服发表个人独白
and I was thinking, "How do you get people to listen?" "I'll have to try that."
我就在想 “你是怎么做到 让大家都听你说话？” “我得试一试啊”
I'll try the other way at some point, maybe.
也可能 我会换种方法 再试试
So, uh--congratulations. You and Stephanie are engaged,
所以 呃…恭喜你 你和Stephanie已经订婚啦
You're getting marreid in November or something like that. October. October?
你在十一月就要结婚了还是什么的 十月 十月？
I don't know, 'cause I wasn't invited, but-- Even though I wasn't invited,
不知道 因为我没被邀请嘛 不过 即使我没被邀请
I know you are registered at WilliamsSonoma,
但我知道 你们是在索诺玛公司登记的
so we managed to buy everything at WilliamsSonoma that you are registered for.
嗯 我们能买索诺玛家的任何东西 就是你们登记的这个地方
Did you get me a bus? I got you--no, but I got you everything from WilliamsSonoma.
你有买车吗？我给你...没有 不过 我可以给你提供那里的一切
Is that what-- That's hilarious. Is that everything you want?
那是不是...太搞笑了 这是你想要的吗？
Are there things missing? This is--this is so nice. Let me know what else you need.
还漏了什么吗？这真的……这真的太棒了 还需要啥 跟我说就是了