I don't know if you saw this, but at a recent campaign event in New Hampshire,
不知道你们看到没有 在新罕布什尔最近的一场竞选活动里
Jeb Bush was discussing the other candidates and he displayed his trademark maturity.
杰布·布什谈到了其他候选人 显示了他的成熟
Take a look.
一起来看看
First of all, I'm pretty sure Marco can put his big boy pants on. I know I can.
首先 我很确定马尔科需要表现的成熟一点
Donald seems to have a harder time taking criticism.
唐纳德要被批评很久
And he probably needs to put on his big boy pants too!
也许他也要成熟一点儿
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Those are fighting words!
哇 哇 哇 这是在挑衅啊
Let's not start throwing around this hard language so early in the campaign!
我们竞选时不要太早的说出这些难听的话行吗
Big boy pants. I mean, what's next?
现在就叫别人成熟点 接下来呢

Jeb Bush issuing a press release that Ted Cruz is a giant poopy head?
杰布·布什开发布会称泰德·科鲁兹是个猪脑子吗
Although in fairness, Ted Cruz is a giant poopy head.
虽然讲真的 泰德·科鲁兹的确是个猪脑子
So I'll give Jeb Bush that one.
我要给杰布·布什鼓掌
Now it's possible that you're looking at the 20 or so major democratic and republican candidates for presidents
也许你看着20多个民主党和共和党的候选人
and thinking I don't like any of them. Right?
想 这些人我一个也不喜欢
Well, you're in luck, because I don't know if you know this,
那你走运了 因为不知道你知不知道
there are currently over 1200 individuals
现在有超过1200个人
who have filed a statement of candidacy with the federal election commission
给联邦竞选委员会写了申请书
to run for president in 2016.
要参加2016年的总统竞选
All of these people legitimately applied, right?
所有这些人都是通过合法渠道申请的 对吗
There are 1200 people running for president,
有1200个人竞选总统
but you wouldn't know this because only 1100 of them
但你不会知道 因为他们之中只有1100人
were onstage at the last republican debate.
参加了上一次共和党竞选辩论
Now of course—now we all know that Deez Nutz is running. We know that.
当然 现在我们都知道迪兹·纳茨参与了竞选
But according to this list, did you know that his brother Deez W. Nutz is also running?
但是根据这份名单　你知道他的弟弟迪兹·W·纳茨也参与了吗
True story. Honestly.
这是真事儿
You'd think there'd only be two Nutz, but genuinely, this is true
你也许会以为只有两个纳茨　但是其实
Bofa Deez Nuts, Ceedeez Nutz, and Hold Ma Nutz are also running.
博法·迪兹·纳茨　西迪兹·纳茨　还有马·纳茨也参与了竞选
I mean, come on. Do we really want America to have a Nutz Dynasty and a Bush Dynasty?
我想说的是 拜托 我们真的想要一个纳茨王朝和一个布什王朝吗
Is that something that we're looking for?
这真的是我们想要的吗
Some of these names aren't even jokes.
其中还有一些名字听起来想开玩笑一样 但又不是
There's one candidate on the list named aaaaaaaaaaaa, aaaaaaaaaaaa!
有一个候选人的名字叫啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊·啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊
Which is coincidentally the same sound I make any time Donald Trump talks about immigration.
巧的是 这个名字的发音跟我每次听到唐纳德·特朗普谈到移民问题是发出的声音是一样的
All of these candidates—this must be what people are doing at their office jobs.
所有这些候选人 以下是他们在办公室的场景
Do you know what I mean?
你们明白我的意思吗
Hey Drew, did you get those budget spreadsheets done?
嘿 德鲁 你的预算表格做完了吗
Uh no I was a little busy running for president.
额 没有 我在忙着竞选总统呢
And if you could call me by my presidential candidate name
如果你能叫我总统候选人的名字
which is presidential candidate Drew P. Weenur as it says on my application, I'd appreciate it.
德鲁·P·维纳的话 这是我竞选申请表上的名字 我将不胜感激
That one's also real, by the way. True story.
顺便一提 这也是真事儿
I don't know if I would vote for Drew P. Weenur.
不知道你们会不会投票给德鲁·P·维纳
I'm not sure. Because I hear he leans a little bit to the left.
反正我不确定 但我听说他有点左倾思想
Thank you. Thank you. One of my own. One of my own.
谢谢 谢谢 以上言论我负责 我负责
This is the thing. At least the people on this list are honest.
这是一方面 至少名单上的人都很诚实
You can tell they're a joke the second you hear their names.
你一听到他们的名字就会觉得他们在开玩笑
They're funny ha ha whereas the leading republican candidates are funny
他们很滑稽 共和党首位候选人也很滑稽
like haa—I'm moving my family back to England. Yeah. See you later.
我要搬回英国了 嗯 再见
But you know we take these candidates seriously.
但你们要知道我们对待这些候选人是很严肃的
You know Stephen Colbert talked to Donald Trump and Jeb Bush.
扣扣熊访问了唐纳德·特朗普和杰布·布什
But here on the Late Late Show,
但在深夜秀
we are going to invite one candidate from this list to come on to the show, OK?
我们要邀请这份名单上的一位候选人来我们节目 怎么样
And we will pick now at random.
我们随机选一个
Just stop. Stop there. Stop. There we go.
停 停在这里 好的
So we pick Hillary Rodham Clinton.
那我们就选希拉里·罗德姆·克林顿吧
Well, whoever you are, we'd love to give you a voice.
不管你是谁 我们希望你来我们节目 发出自己的声音
Please come down and see us.
请务必要来
Go ahead and shoot us an email.
记得给我们发邮件
Actually, you're not so good at that.
事实上你不太擅长发邮件
Maybe just give us a call. Just give us a call.
那就打电话吧 打电话就行