So, Sheldon, tell us about your trip.Where'd you go? Where didn't I go?
谢尔顿，跟我们说说你这段旅程吧。你都去了哪儿啊？我哪儿都去了？
I went to New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Seattle.
纽约、芝加哥、亚特兰大、丹佛、西雅图。
How were they? Oh, I have no idea. I never left the train station.
好玩吗？我不知道。我从未离开过火车站。
Hang on. You traveled across the entire country and never left a train station?
等等。你跨越了整个美国却从未离开过火车站吗？
Why would I?
干嘛要出站？
That's where all the cool trains are.
我喜欢的火车都在车站里啊。
I'm sorry, so you never went outside?
那你从来没到外面玩过吗？
Or had a single piece of fruit.
也没吃过一片水果。
So...why do you think you'd make a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
所以你觉得自己为什么能够胜任医药销售代表的工作呢？
Well, I'm a people person. People like me. Some of my favorite people are people.
我是个善于交际的人。人见人爱。我喜欢的人里好多都是人。
I feel like I'm saying "people" a lot. People, people, people, pe...Okay, I'm done.
我好像提太多"人"这个字了。人...人类，人民，人...好我说完了。
You sure? People. Yes.
你确定吗？人人。说完了。
Good! So, how do you feel your previous job experience has prepared you for a career like this?
好吧！你觉得你上一份工作对这个销售职业有何帮助呢？
Uh, well, as a waitress, sales was a big part of my job.
作为服务员，我的工作很大一部分就是推销。
I mean, believe me, I convinced a lot of very large customers, who should not be eating cheesecake, to have more cheesecake.
相信我，我说服了很多不该吃芝士蛋糕的胖子顾客狂吃我们的芝士蛋糕。
I mean, one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump!
而且其中某个胖胖还带着胰岛素泵呢！
I have an insulin pump. People.
我也有胰岛素泵。人嘛。
It's weird, right? A grown man in his 30s living with my mother.
感觉很怪吧？30多岁的成年人还跟我妈住在一起。
That is weird. I thought he was, like, 45.
的确很奇怪。我以为他都45岁了。
Come on, you don't think it's a little odd?
拜托，你难道不觉得这很奇怪吗？
I don't know! I mean, she's lonely. He needs a place to stay.
我不知道！她那么孤单。他又需要地方住。
I doubt there's any funny business going on. And even if there was, who cares?
我想他们之间肯定没什么。就算有，那又怎样？
They're both adults. "Who cares"? ! You wouldn't care if I slept with your mom?
他们都是成年人了。"那又怎样"？！要是我和你妈睡了，你也不会觉得怎么样吗？
You know what? You're my best friend, and she's in a bad marriage.
知道吗？你是我的好基友，我妈婚姻不幸福。
I give you my blessing.
我祝福你们。
This is stupid. I'm just gonna call my mother and be honest with her.
这样做太傻了。我还是打电话给我妈，告诉她实话。
'Cause that's what little matzo balls do.
这才是宝贝小汤丸该做的事。
This is Debbie! And this is Stuart! Just kidding! Leave a message!
我是黛比！我是斯图尔特！开玩笑啦！给我们留言哦！
This is the part where you talk.
该轮到你说话了。
All right, let's say a physician was prescribing one of our competitor's drugs.
假设有个医生本来开的是我们竞争对手的药。
How would you convince them to switch to ours?
你要如何说服他转用我们的药呢？
Any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini?
他有可能需要比基尼女郎帮他洗车吗？
No...Okay, I'm really sorry for wasting your time.
不...对不起，浪费了你的时间。
Don't worry about it. Thanks for stopping by.
别担心，谢谢你过来面试。
Okay, thanks.
好吧，谢谢。
Um, I'm sor...listen, could you do me a favor and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview?
抱歉...你能帮我个忙吗？不要告诉伯纳黛特我面试情况有多差？
She'll get upset. And honestly I'm a...a little terrified of her.
她肯定会生气。老实说，我真有点怕她。
Wait, wait. You're scared of Bernadette? Yeah, kind of.
等一下，你害怕伯纳黛特？有那么一点。
I thought it was just me!
我以为只有我怕她呢！
E Everyone thinks she's so nice with that squeaky little voice.
每个人都觉得她特好说话，声音细细的尖尖的。
I know, but she's kind of a bully! She is!
我懂，可她其实是个恶霸！没有错！
I I didn't even want to meet you, but, uh, I was too scared to say no to her.
我本来不想见你的可我不敢开口拒绝她。
Me, too! Yeah, yeah! One-one time, I had...Oh!
我也是！对吧，对吧！有一次，我...
I had to tell her we were cutting the-the research funding for one of the drugs she was developing.
我本来要告诉她我们要削减她正在研发的某种药剂的经费。
What happened? I couldn't do it! She's still working on it!
结果呢？我根本开不了口！她现在还在研究呢！
We're not gonna tell her about this, right? Oh, my God, no! No, no...
这件事你不会说出去吧？我的天，当然不会！
At the hot dog stand in the Denver train station Heinz ketchup.
绝不丹佛车站的热狗摊用的是亨氏番茄酱。
At the hot dog stand in the Salt Lake City train station Heinz ketchup.
盐湖城车站的热狗摊用的是亨氏番茄酱。
At the hot dog stand in the Indianapolis train station...
那印第安纳波利斯车站的热狗摊子用的是...
I don't care. Wrong! Hunt's!
我不在乎。答错了！是汉斯番茄酱！
Hey, Amy! What do you say? You ready to move on to the mustard round?
艾米！你觉得如何？准备好玩猜芥末酱的游戏了吗？
Have you not noticed that I've been sitting back here quietly stewing for the past two hours?
你难道没觉察到我这两个小时一直默默地坐在后面吗？
I just thought you were bad at the game. I'm mad at you!
我以为你只是很不会猜呢。我是在生你的气！
How could you just go away like that without even saying good-bye, and then call Leonard for help instead of me?
你怎么能就这样不告而别地走掉，然后打电话给莱纳德求助，却不来找我？
Amy? May I please have a moment of privacy to speak with my roommate?
艾米？可以让我和我的室友说几句悄悄话吗？
We're in a moving car!
我们可是在飞驰的车上！
What do you expect me to do? Stick my fingers in my ears?
你想要我怎么做？用手指塞住耳朵吗？
Well, I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog, but that'll work.
我是打算让你像狗一样把头伸出窗外，但塞耳朵也行啦。
Please? This'll be quick.
拜托了？很快就好。
Leonard? As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy.
莱纳德我们一到家我就要和艾米发生性关系。
Okay, she can't hear.
好的，看来她是听不到。
The reason I called you is because I didn't want Amy to know I couldn't make it on my own.
我之所以打电话给你是因为我不想艾米知道我无法在外独立生存。
What's the big deal? Oh, of course it's no big deal to you.
这有什么？当然这对你来说不算什么。
You idolize me, and nothing could ever knock me off that pedestal you put me on.
你视我为偶像，你把我供在神台上，没什么可以让我从神台上下来。
Well, yeah, it's true. You-you are a god to me.
没错。你是我神一般的存在。
Can I stop now? Just tell her.
我可以听了吗？告诉她吧。
I called Leonard because...I failed.
我打电话给莱纳德是因为我失败了。
And I didn't want you to think less of me.
我不希望你因此轻视我。
You were worried about that? Yes.
你是担心这个吗？是的。
Sheldon...it's okay with me that you're not perfect.
谢尔顿...你并不完美的事实我是可以接受的。
Can I have one more moment with Leonard?
我能再和莱纳德说句悄悄话吗？
Sure.
好的。
Amy just hurt my feelings. I want to break up with her.
艾米伤了我的心。我要和她分手。
Now, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kind of excited to see Sheldon.
我没想过我会这样说，但能见到谢尔顿了，我还有些小激动呢。
I never thought I'd say this, but Penny got a job today.
我没想过我会这样说，但佩妮今天找到工作了。
She did? Well, the only reason she got it is 'cause the guy who interviewed her loves me.
是吗？她成功的唯一原因是因为面试她的人爱慕我。
What do you want?
你想怎样？
I, uh, kind of got the feeling you might not be okay with me staying at your mom's.
我大概感觉到你对我住在你妈家有意见。
You're right, I'm not. I think it's weird.
你说得对，我有意见。我觉得很奇怪。
Howie? It is. He's a grown man. He's just gonna live there rent-free?
华仔？本来就是。他是个成年男人。他就这样不交房租住下去吗？
How is that gonna motivate him to get off his butt and get a job?
这样如何让他有动力不再懒惰去找工作？
I mean, do you even have a plan? Hey, you're not my father, okay?
你有人生计划吗？你又不是我爹，你管我？
And besides, your mother and I were talking...-"Your mother and I"? You're not my father!
而且，你妈和我谈过了...-"你妈和我"？你又不是我爹！
I didn't say I was your father! Well, I didn't say " I was your father!"
我没说我是你爹！我也没说"我是你爹！"
Okay, calm down. You're not his father, he's not your father! Nobody's anybody's father.
好啦，冷静。你不是他爹，他不是你爹！谁也不是谁的爹。
I I'm sorry you don't like my life choices, but it's my life!
你看不惯我的人生选择我很遗憾，但这是我的人生！
Well, it's my house, it's my rules!
住我的房，就得守我的规矩！
Okay, Dad! If I mow the lawn, can I have my allowance?
好吧，爹！如果我修剪了草坪，可以给我零花钱吗？
Hey, don't you take that sarcastic tone with him!
不准用这种挖苦的语气和他说话！
I don't have to listen to you! Don't talk to her like that!
我不用听你教训我！别这样跟她说话！
That is my mother...Wife! My wife! I said my wife!
这是我老妈...老婆！老婆！我说的是老婆！
You know what? This isn't getting us anywhere.
算了？这样谈不会有结果的。
When you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
你准备好道歉时，知道在哪里找我。
Well, yeah, in my house! That's right, sucka!
知道，我的家！没错，小婊砸！
I wish I'd never gone on that trip. I feel no better now than when I left.
要是我没去旅行就好了。现在比起离开时，心情一点也没好转。
But you still accomplished something.
但你还是有所成就的。
Yeah. If you had told anyone that you were going away on a train by yourself across the country, do you know what they would have said?
是的。如果你告诉任何人你打算坐火车周游全国，你知道人家会怎么说吗？
That I couldn't do it? Exactly. Right after they said, "Yay!"
我做不到吗？太对了。不过他们先会欢呼一下！
But you did do it. So what if it didn't all go your way?
但你做到了。事情没有完全如你所愿又如何？
That's what makes it an adventure. That's a good point.
这样才是冒险啊。有道理。
Yeah, I'm a lot like Gandalf the Grey.
我很像灰袍甘道夫。
He fought the Balrog and emerged stronger than ever as Gandalf the White.
他与炎魔战斗成为了更强大的白袍甘道夫。
I was robbed of my phone and pants, and I, too, came back stronger.
我的电话和裤子被抢了，我回来时变得更强大了。
And whiter, too, 'cause I wasn't in direct sunlight for six weeks.
也更白了因为我六周没有晒过太阳了。
See? This trip was good for you.
你瞧，这次旅行对你有好处。
Indeed. I was the world's smartest caterpillar.
的确。我是全世界最聪明的毛毛虫。
And then after pupating in our nation's railway system, I've burst forth as the world's smartest butterfly.
在咱们国家铁路网上化蛹后，我破茧而出变成了全世界最聪明的蝴蝶。
Butterfly could've gotten himself home from Arizona.
蝴蝶可以自己从亚利桑那州飞回家。
Yeah, I feel renewed. I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way.
我感觉重生了。我准备好面对未来一切的改变。
Hey. Look who's back! Your hair is different. You changed your hair.
看谁回来了！你的发型不同了。你换了发型。
I can't take this. I'm out.
我接受无能。我走人了。
Would you like to see pictures from my trip?
你们想看看我旅行时的照片吗？
I thought your phone got stolen.
你的电话不是被偷了吗。
Yeah, it did, but luckily all my photos got backed up to the Cloud.
是的，但幸运的是所有照片都在云端备份了。
And you thought they all had a silver lining.
原以为守得云开见月明。
Here: Day one.
看，第一天。
Uh, this was the seat I was going to sit in but didn't because there were cracker crumbs on it.
这个是我本来要坐的座位，但我没坐因为上面有饼干屑。
As it was first class, I suspect Ritz.
因为是一等座，我怀疑是乐之饼干。
This is the train bathroom.
这是火车上的厕所。
This is the Imodium I took so I would never have to use the train bathroom.
这是我吃的泻立停，这样我不必使用火车上的厕所。
I cannot believe you traveled the entire country and never left the train station.
我真不敢相信你游遍了全国却从没离开过火车站。
I know. You know, I almost died in a fire in Des Moines, but I stayed put.
就是啊。我差点在得梅因的火灾中丧生，但我坚持留在火车上。
FYI-that's when the Imodium gave out.
顺便说下当时泻立停的药效过了。