Just for the record, we're not in an ersatz homosexual relationship.
强烈声明，我们没有什么同性恋代替性关系。
Well then why didn't you say that to her? Why is it always my responsibility?
那你刚才怎么不跟她说？怎么总是我的责任？
It's not always your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
并非老是你的责任，我发誓，这和你上周在漫画书店干的事情没什么两样。
I can't believe you're bringing that up. I didn't bring it up. You did. We'll talk about this later.
难以置信你会提起这事。我没提，是你提的。咱们过会再说。
You always say that, but we never do. You went to the comic book store without me?
你老这么糊弄我，可是从来没这么做过。你们去漫画书店竟然没带我？
You got alcohol? Your mom still here? Yep. Come on in.
你有酒么？你妈妈还在这呢？是。进来吧。
Wait, wait, she's not gonna come here looking for you, is she?
等等，她不会过来找你吧？
Relax. She took Sheldon to the hospital to get a brain scan. Oh, my God. What happened?
放心吧，她带谢尔顿去医院扫描大脑了。天啦，出什么事了？
Nothing. Mother likes looking at brains and Sheldon likes getting his brain scanned.
没事，老妈喜欢看大脑，谢尔顿喜欢大脑被扫描。
Geez, what a fun couple. She's only been here a day and a half and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.
呀，多搭调的一对呀。她才来一天半，我已经在考虑当职业酗酒者了。
Hey, I talked to her for five minutes yesterday and I've been half bombed ever since.
嘿，我昨天和她谈了五分钟，到现在还处于半醉状态呢。
You can't let her get into your head. My head, what about yours?
千万别让她进驻你的大脑。我的大脑，那你的呢？
It's too late for me. My head is her summer house.
我没救了，我脑袋已是她的避暑别墅了。
She was right, you know. The locus of my identity is totally exterior to me. Oh, yeah, there she is. Hi, Mom.
她说的对。我还真是外控性格。哎呀，老妈上身了，老妈你好。
I mean, do you know where I was all morning?
你知道我整个早上在哪儿吗？
Auditioning with 50 other blondes for some stupid antidepressant commercial. And for what? So I'll finally get my daddy's approval?
为某愚蠢的抗抑郁药品广告，和50个金发美女竞争试镜。为了啥？为了最终获得我爸的认可？
Did you get the part? No, they said I was too perky.
你得到那个角色了吗？没，他们觉得我太活泼了。
You want to talk about not getting love from a parent. You know what I used to do when I was little to have some sensation of human contact?
想谈谈得不到父母关爱么？你知道我小时候为了感知人情味而干了什么吗？
Yeah, you grabbed your penis and wouldn't let go. Your mother told me.
知道，你抓住自己的小弟弟不放。你妈告诉我的。
Of course she did. Anyway, that's not what I was gonna say. When I was ten years old, I built a hugging machine.
肯定是她说的，不过那不是我想说的。我十岁的时候我造了个拥抱机。
A hugging machine? Yeah. I got a dress maker's mannequin, I stuffed it with an electric blanket so it would be warm,
拥抱机？是呀。我有个做裁缝用的模特，我塞进一床电热毯让它变得温暖，
and I built two radiocontrolled arms that would hug me and pat my back.
还装了无线电控制的双臂可以拥抱我，轻拍我的背。
Oh, that is so sad.
呀，那可真够可怜的。
You know what the saddest part was? What? My father used to borrow it.
知道最可怜的是什么吗？什么？我爸常借过去用。
Your scan data will be very helpful to my research. You have a remarkable brain.
你的扫描数据会对我的研究很有帮助，你的大脑很与众不同。
I know. Although I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures.
必须的。尽管我一直很不喜欢我右额叶在X光片上的效果。
Common complaint among men. Nothing is ever big enough. Except when they get a tumor. Then you never hear the end of it.
男人的常见抱怨，总嫌东西不够大，除非是个肿瘤，就不会听到这种抱怨了。
I'd love to e a scan of your brain sometime.
有机会我很想看看你的脑扫描图。
Oh, I'll send you a link, but its physiology is fairly unimpressive. Oh, I can't believe that.
我会给你发个链接，但其生理机能比较稀疏平常。真难以置信。
Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery.
你不愿接受经验证据，显示出你打算对我阿谀奉承。
My apologies. I've been living with your son too long. Gotten into some bad habits. Understandable.
我很抱歉，长期与你儿子居住养成了一些坏习惯。可以理解。
Can I make you a cup of tea? I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.
我能为你沏杯茶吗？我怀疑你的能力，但是有机会做到就只有你了。
I feel very comfortable around you. I feel very comfortable around you, too.
和你相处我十分自在。和你相处我也很自在。
It's surprising because I generally don't feel comfortable around, well, anyone. Nor I.
令人吃惊的是我基本上和谁相处都...不自在。－我也是。
What are the odds that two individuals as unique as ourselves would be connected by someone as comparatively workaday as your son?
我们两个这样如此稀罕的人，被像你儿子这般普通的人联系起来的可能性有多大？
Is that a rhetorical point or would you like to do the math?
这是个修辞学的观点还是你想算出来？
I'd like to do the math. I'd like that, too.
我想算出几率来。我也是。
Okay, now this time, you're gonna lick the salt off my neck.
好的，这次你要舔掉我脖子上的盐。
Do the shot...Whoops. and then bite the lime. I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything after lick.
干一杯。然后咬住酸橙。抱歉，舔字后面的都没听到。
Neck, shot, lime. Okay, shot, lime. Right.
脖子，干杯，酸橙。好啦，干杯，咬酸橙。对。
Where is the lime? Oh, okay, we're sharing. So, what do you think?
酸橙呢？好极了，我们一起吃吧。那么你觉得如何？
I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate.
相当的诱人，我不知道与我儿子的室友这么做是否合适。
Normally, I'd feel the same way.
通常我也这样想，
But based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together.
但基于我所观察到的我们之间的情况，我不得不推测我们一起会相当得棒。
True. I've had a similar observation. It's certainly something I could never do with my husband.
对，我也观察到了，我和我丈夫永远也不会发生这事。
I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but I experienced an unanticipated an remarkable release of endorphins.
我第一次尝试的时候也很犹豫，但我经历了一次前所未有的极量快感荷尔蒙释放。
It's quite satisfying. I see what you're doing. You're appealing to the neuro scientific researcher in me.
相当的惬意呀。我明白你想干什么，你请求对我做一次神经学研究。
You see right through me, don't you? Only when you're in a CAT scanner.
你能看透我对吧？只是电脑断层扫描仪上。
This is actually gonna happen. Honey, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush.
美梦正在成真呀。宝贝，嘘，嘘，嘘，嘘，嘘。
You shush, I'm happy. I want to talk about it.
你别出声，我乐死了，我想说说，
You know what my mother would say about this? She would say because you were not loved by your father and I was not loved by my mother,
知道我妈会怎么说吗？她会说因为你缺父爱，而我缺母爱，
that having sex is our way of making up for the intimacy we didn't get as children.
我们做爱是为了弥补我们童年缺少的亲人之爱。
Why would you bring that up right now? I don't know. Foreplay?
为啥你现在提起这个？不知道，作为前戏？
So you're saying you're not having sex with me, you're having sex with your mother?
你的意思是你不是和我做爱，而是和你妈做了？
I'm gonna go with "no." That is the sickest thing I've ever heard.
我想说的是"不是"这是我听过的最变态的事。
Come on, you're trying to have sex with your father, and I'm okay with that. Get out!
别呀，如果你想象在和你爸做爱我没意见的。滚出去！
She said shush. I should have shushed.
她说嘘的时候我就该闭嘴。
All right, Mother. Um, have a nice flight. That's not really in my control, is it?
好啦妈妈，一路平安。不由我说了算，对吧？
Oh, good morning. Morning. Look, I was just coming over to talk to you. You don't have to. Ever.
早上好。早。我正想过来和你谈谈。用不着谈了，永远。
Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye, Leonard. So, Slugger, shall we pick up where we left off last time?
再见妈妈。再见兰纳德。重击手，我们接着聊上次的话题吗？
I mean, my mom could've just said, Bob, get over it, she's a girl, move on. But she didn't. Not one word.
我是说，我妈可以说鲍比想开点，她只是个小姑娘，日子还得过。但她没有，一个字也没说。
Interesting. Would you be willing to fly to New Jersey and discuss your relationship with your parents during a brain scan?
有意思。你愿意飞到新泽西聊聊你和父母的关系与此同时做脑扫描吗？
Would it help? Well, it would help me.
对我有帮助吗？嗯，对我有帮助。