This sandwich is an unmitigated disaster.
这个三明治真是十足的失败。
I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.
我要的是全麦面包里面夹火鸡和烤牛肉还有莴苣和瑞士干酪。
What did they give you?
他们给你的呢？
Turkey and roast beef with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
全麦面包里面夹火鸡和烤牛肉还有莴苣和瑞士干酪。
It's the right ingredients, but in the wrong order.
组成要素完全正确但顺序却是错误的。
In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce.
一个完美的三明治的干酪是紧贴着面包的，才能防止生菜把面包湿润。
They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.
他们还不如带这东西通过洗车场算了。
I don't believe it. I know. It's basic culinary science.
难以置信啊。就是，这是基本烹饪常识。
Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop from the original film, and no one is bidding on it.
有人在拍卖小型的时间机器道具，就是原版电影里的，而且还没人喊价。
A time machine from the movie the time machine?
《时间机器》电影里的时间机器？
No. A time machine from Sophie's choice.
不，《苏菲的抉择》那部里的。
Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough.
兄弟，苏菲在那部电影里用过一个时间机器。看见了吗？做工粗糙
Oh, that's cool. It's only $800? Yeah. And that's my bid.
太酷啦。只要800美元？对，而且还是我喊的价。
You bid $800? It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I figured it would go for thousands, and I just wanted to be a part of it.
你喊了800美元？这都是一时兴起的事情，我觉得可能会抬价到上千元只是想参与下。
There's only 30 seconds left in the auction. Do you have $800? Not to blow on a miniature time machine.
拍卖只剩30秒了。你有800美元吗？还不够买小型时间机器。
Well, don't worry. The way these things work is people wait until the last second to bid, and then they swoop in and get it. It's called sniping.
没事，别担心，这种东西通常大家都会等到最后一秒喊价，猛地杀进来得手，这叫狙杀。
15 seconds. Come on, snipers.
15秒了。快点狙击手们。
Ten, nine, eight... Where are your snipers?
10，9，8……狙击手们都死哪儿去了？
Five... snipe. Four... snipe. Three... snipe. Two... snipe. One... snipe.
5……狙杀。4……狙杀。3……狙杀。2……狙杀。1……狙杀。
Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a miniature time machine!
恭喜！荣幸成为迷你时间机器的主人！
You lucky duck.
你这个幸运的家伙。
I wonder why no one else bid. This is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia. Yeah, I know!
我很好奇为什么没有其他人喊价，这个是一件经典的科幻电影纪念物。我知道！
I still can't afford it.
我还是买不起。
Why don't we share it? We'll each put in 200 bucks, and we'll take turns having it in our house.
不如我们平摊吧？每人出200元然后在屋里轮着玩。
A time-share time machine. I'm in. Sheldon?
分摊时间的时间机器，算我一个。谢尔顿？
Need you ask? I still don't understand why no one else bid.
还用着你问嘛？我还是搞不懂为什么没有其他人拍。
I understand why no one else bid.
我算是明白为啥没人拍了。
Did the listing actually say "miniature"?
网站上的确说了“小型”吗？
I just assumed. Who sells a full-size time machine for $800?
我就寻思嘛，谁会800元就卖一台全尺寸的时间机器？
In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets "no longer want my time machine" and "need $800."
在维恩图里那是处于特别的区域，位于“不再想要时间机器”和“需要800元”两个集合的交集。
It's actually a tremendous bargain. Even with shipping, it works out to less than four dollars a pound.
其实还真是笔不错的交易，就算加上运费每磅也不到4美元。
Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.
鸡尾虾还得12块半呢。
How are we going to get it upstairs?
我们怎么把它弄上楼呢？
If we take the dish off, it might fit in the elevator.
要是我们把大盘子取下来，估计就可以进电梯了。
Yes, but the elevator has been broken for two years.
嗯，可电梯坏了两年了。
I've been meaning to ask you. Do you think we should make a call about that?
我不是故意和你抬杠，你觉得我们该打个电话吗？
Not necessary. I have a master's in engineering. I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis.
用不着。我可是工程学硕士，远程修复卫星轻而易举。
I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.
我还能检修航天飞机载弹头。
When the Mars rover started pulling to the left, I performed a front-end alignment from 62 million miles away.
那次火星探测器开始往左行使时我在6200万米外进行前端接口联合。
No. That baby's broken.
不行。这家伙真坏了。
Come on, guys! Push!
加把劲兄弟们！使劲推！
If I push any harder, I'm going to give birth to my colon.
要是我再点力结肠就要胀出来了
I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up!
我的手指没知觉了，快呀！
It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go. Basic physics.
不管推得多快工作量都是不变的，基本物理常识。
Sheldon? Yeah? If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one.
谢尔顿？啥？等我手指恢复正常功能我会给中指一个重要的工作。
Oh. Hey, guys. Oh. Hi, penny.
嗨，你们好。嗨，佩妮。
Take a break, guys.
休息会兄弟们。
What are you doing?
在干嘛？
We're just, you know, moving something upstairs.
我们只是在……你也看见了，搬东西到楼上来。
What is it? Just... you know. Time machine.
那是什么？就是……时间机器。
Yeah. Okay. Neat. But I really got to get to work.
好不错，但我得赶去工作了。
Just give us a few minutes. I don't have a few minutes. I'm running really late.
就几分钟。我没有时间啦，我马上就要迟到了。
Then, I have a simple solution. Go to the roof. Hop over to the next building.
那么我有一套简单的解决方案，上到楼顶，跳到紧挨的那栋楼上，
There's a small gap, don't look down if you're subject to vertigo, and use their stairwell.
中间缝隙很小的啦，如果你恐高千万别往下看，然后就从他们的楼梯下去。
You're joking, right?
你是在开玩笑吧？
Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.
说到恐高我从来不开玩笑的。
Damn. Okay, I'll just take the roof.
该死，好吧只有去楼顶了。
Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work yesterday.
如果你等我们安装好时间机器我可以把你送回昨天的上班时间。
Time travel joke. It's not... never mind.
时间旅行的玩笑，那不是……没事了。
For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.
从用途来说，我觉得那很好笑的。
let's just do this. You guys ready to push?
快干活。你们准备好推了吗？
In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up.
等下，霍华德出去吐了。
I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.
我不知道你们在担心什么，我觉得在这屋里它真会起作用的。
Yeah, it is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.
对啊，这显然是至今我拥有的最牛的东西。
The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future,
就是这台时间机器，带着演员罗德·托里亚从维多利亚时期的英国来到启示文学流派所描绘的未来，
where society had splintered into two factions:
那里社会分成了两个派别：
The subterranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface-dwelling Eloi.
住在地下的莫洛克人，他们掠食住在地表的柔弱的伊洛人来生存。
Talk about your chick magnets.
说说你的泡妞利器啊。
Oh, yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like,
没错。我隔壁那家伙总说
"I have a jacuzzi on my balcony. I have a jacuzzi on my balcony."
“我阳台上有台水流按摩浴缸，我阳台上有台水流按摩浴缸”。
But wait until I tell him, I've got a time machine on my balcony.
瞧着吧，我会告诉他，我阳台上有台时间机器。
Stuff that in your speedo, jacuzzi bob.
把泳裤裹紧吧，按摩浴缸。
Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think you'll agree that practicality dictates it remain here.
先生们我知道我们说的按顺序来，但我想你们会同意实际上它留在这里。
You can't just keep it here. What if I meet a girl and say, "you want to come up and see my time machine? It's at my friends' house." How lame is that?
你不能就这么独吞了，要是我遇到个女孩说“你想上来看看我的时间机器吗？就在我朋友的屋里”，那多丢人呀？
He's got a point.
他说的对。
All right, I think we're going to need some ground rules, in addition to t expected "no shoes in the time machine," and "no eating in the time machine,"
好吧，看来我们需要定些基本规则，除了可以想到的“进时间机器里不能穿鞋”和“不能在里面吃东西”之外
I propose we add "pants must be worn at all times in the time machine."
我提议我们增加“在里面必须一直穿着裤子”。
Seconded. I was going to put down a towel.
赞同。我本打算在里面放条浴巾的。
I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.
我还是想放到我的阳台上，我建议双月（半月）轮流。
Yeah, that sounds fair. Hold on, bi-monthly is an ambiguous term. Do you mean move it every other month or twice a month?
对那很公平。等等，双月是个有争议的时间，你得意思隔月轮还是一月两次？
Twice a month. Then no.
每月两次。那别想。
Okay, every other month. No.
好吧，隔月。不行。
Sheldon, you can't be selfish. We all paid for it, so it belongs to all of us.
谢尔顿你不能这么自私，我们都付了钱的，它是属于我们大家的。
Now get out of the way so I can sit in my time machine.
现在让开我好能坐进我的时间机器。
Okay, I am setting the dials for march 10,1876.
我要设定表盘到1876年三月十日。
Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr. Watson. Wait a minute. I want to see that, too.
选得好，那天亚历山大·格雷厄姆·贝利发明了电话，并给沃森博士打去了电话。等下，我也想见到那一刻。
So when it's your turn, you can.
等轮到你的时候就可以看了。
But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab is going to get very crowded.
可如果我们都回到同一点时间，贝尔的实验室会变得拥挤不堪。
He'll know something is up.
他会发现这异常现象的。
Also since the time machine doesn't move in space, you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.
再说时间机器不能改变位置，到时候你会在1876年的帕萨迪纳。
And even if you can make it to Boston, what are you going to do? Knock on the door and say to Mrs. Bell,
即使你能够出现在波士顿，你又能干什么？敲敲门对贝尔太太说，
"hey, Mrs. Bell. Big fan of your husband. Can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?"
“你好贝尔太太我是你丈夫的死忠，我能进来看他发明电话吗？”
Mrs. Bell was deaf. She's not even going to hear you knock.
贝尔太太是聋子，她甚至都听不见你敲门。
I have a solution. First, go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.
我有个办法，首先进入未来获得一个隐形装置。
Ooh, how far into the future?
到多远的未来？
If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on stardate 5027.3,
如果我没记错的话，星历5027.3年柯克船长从罗慕兰人那里偷了隐形装置，
which would be january 10,2328 by pre-federation reckoning.
按前联盟的算法也就是2328年1月10日。
Okay, I am setting the dials for january 10,2328. Here we go into the future.
好吧，我把日历盘设置到2328年1月10日。我们出发去未来。
That was fun. My turn!
好好玩。轮到我了！
Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide. I slipped and skinned my knee. Are you okay?
好吧，首先你说的缝隙将近3英尺宽，我跌倒了还擦伤了膝盖。你还好吗？
Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked,
其次那栋楼顶上通往楼梯间的门是锁着的，
so I had to go down the fire escape, which ends on the third floor,
所以我只能沿着防火梯下去，只能到三楼，
forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family who insisted I stay for lunch.
于是只能从一户好心的亚美尼亚人家的窗户借过，他们坚持要留我吃午饭。
That doesn't sound too bad.
听起来不是很糟糕嘛。
It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son.
有八道羊肉做的菜！他们还试图撮合我和他们的儿子。
I'm sorry. Not done. By the time I finally got to work, they'd given my shift away.
对不起。还没说完呢，当我终于赶到餐厅的时候，他们却已经把我的班给分掉了。
Yeah, that's right. I lost an entire day's pay thanks to this. This... Time machine.
嗯是啊。我丢了一整天的工资就因为这个……这个……时间机器。
The lights flash and the dish spins. You want to try it?
灯会闪轮会转，要不要试试？
No! I don't want to try it! My god, you are grown men!
不！我不要试！天哪，你们都是大人了！
How can you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books and... and now that? ! That... Again. Time machine.
你们怎么能浪费时间在这些愚蠢的玩具和服装和漫画书，还有……现在又是这个？！这个……再说一次，时间机器。
Oh, please, it's not a time machine. If a anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the everglades.
噢拜托了，这哪儿是时间机器啊，倒像是埃尔顿·约翰开过大沼泽地国家公园的玩意儿。
It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp.
它只在时间层面移动，在沼泽地里将一无是处。
Pathetic! All of you! Completely pathetic!
可悲！你们所有人！可悲到了极至！