Oh, hi, Penny. Hey, where are you?
嗨，佩妮。嗨，你在哪儿？
I'm, uh, at work. You sound funny.
我，呃……在工作。你声音很滑稽。
Look. I'm, uh, in a radiation suit. What's up?
我穿着辐射服。怎么了？
Yeah, I'm at work, too, and you'll never guess who's here infecting my entire station.
我也在工作，你绝对猜不到谁在这儿传染我整个餐厅。
Sheldon's at the cheesecake factory. Just tell him to go home.
谢尔顿在酪饼餐厅。你就叫他回家。
He won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus, and someone will harvest his organs.
他不会走的，他说他担心在公车上死掉，会有人收割他的器官。
He's paranoid, and he's established a nest.
他有妄想症，他都筑好巢了。
Can you please come get him?
你能过来带他走吗？
Uh, yeah, I'd be, I'd be happy to, Penny.
好的我……我很乐意佩妮。
Oh, my god, there's a breach in the radiation unit!
天啊，辐射服上有道裂口，
The whole city is in jeopardy! Oh, my god! The containment vessel's melting. Gotta go. Bye!
整座城市都陷入危险了！哦，上帝！核反应堆安全壳在熔化我得挂了拜！
I feel really guilty.
我觉得很内疚。
You did what you had to do.
你做了你该做的。
Take your stinking paws off my popcorn, you damn dirty ape!
你的臭手爪别碰我的爆米花你这个该死的臭猿人。
Thanks for bringing me home.
谢谢你送我回家。
That's okay. I didn't really need to work today. It's not like I have rent or car payments or anything. Good, good.
不客气。反正我今天不是非得要上班，又不是要急着付房租或是买车什么的。
Okay, well, you feel better.
好了，看来你感觉好多了。
Wait. Where are you going?
等等。你去哪儿？
Um. home. to write some bad checks.
呃回家，开些糟糕的支票。
You're going to leave me?
你要弃我而去？
Hey, Sheldon, you are a grown man. Haven't you ever been sick before?
谢尔顿你已经是成年人了，你以前就没生病过？
Of course, but not by myself. Really? Never?
当然，但没有就我一个人。真的吗？从没有过？
Well, once, when I was 15 and spending the summer at the Heidelberg institute in Germany.
就一次，那时我15岁，在德国海德尔堡学院过暑假。
Studying abroad? No. Visiting professor.
出国留学？不是，当客座教授。
Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to,
总之当地的烹饪风格比我习惯中更依赖于香肠，
and the result was an internal blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.
导致我体内遭到突袭，而我的下肠道扮演的就是捷克斯洛伐克。
And there was no-one there to take care of you?
那儿就没有一个人照顾你？
No. My mom had to fly back to Texas to help my dad, because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.
没有，我妈得飞回德州帮我爸爸，因为房子的炉渣砖又掉下来了。
Again? It was tornado season. And it was an aluminum house.
又？当时是飓风季，而且是铝做的房子。
Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speaking in English.
总之学校宿舍的管理员不会说英语，
And when I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said "Muchtest Du eine Darmspülung?"
当我终于让她明白我生病时，她说"Muchtest Du eine Darmspülung？"
What does that mean?
什么意思？
Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "would you like an enema?
基于后来发生的事，我猜意思是"你需要灌肠吗？"
Okay, sweetie. I'll take care of you. What do you need?
好吧亲爱的，我来照顾你，你需要些什么？
Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.
我妈妈常用海绵给我洗澡。
Okay, ground rules: No baths, and definitely no enemas. Agreed.
好吧，先定好规矩 不洗澡，也绝对不灌肠。同意。
Here we go. Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y goodness.
开始啦。十个半小时的猿生活精华之旅。
Oh. Damn it, my glasses. Okay, I'm blind here, guys. Can you help me find them?
哦，该死我的眼镜呢，我什么都看不见，伙计们能帮我找找吗？
Found them. Oh, great.
找到了。哦，太好了。
I'm sorry. Don't you have a spare? Yeah. At home.
对不起，你没备用的吗？有，在家里。
Well, if you leave now, you can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.
如果你现在走，就能赶在大猩猩把查尔顿·赫斯顿撕烂之前回来。
Unless Sheldon's there, in which case, you'll be trapped forever in his whiny, hyper-neurotic snot web.
万一谢尔顿在家，那样你就会被永远陷于他喋喋不休超级神经质的鼻涕漩涡。
Hi. Penny? Uh, I was just wondering, is Sheldon still at the restaurant?
嗨，佩妮？我想问谢尔顿还在餐厅吗？
Okay, that was very nice of you.
好的，你真是太好了。
Okay, I gotta go. Got kind of a full-blown Chernobyl thing here. Gotta go. Bye. He's home. I'm screwed.
好了我得挂了，这儿正变成扩大的切尔诺贝利，要挂了，拜。他在家，我完蛋了。
Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y blurriness.
十个半小时的猿生活混沌之旅。
How about lasik?
做激光手术怎么样？
You want me to get eye surgery?
你想让我做眼部手术？
Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon, or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
你是愿意回公寓面对谢尔顿还是愿意让你的角膜来次陌生的激光束开拓之旅？
Well? I'm thinking.
怎样？我正在想。
Okay, nice and cozy. Okay? I'll see you later.
好的，非常舒适，好吗？我待会来看你。
Wait. Will you please rub this on my chest?
等等，你能帮我把这个擦在胸部吗？
Oh, Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?
谢尔顿你不能自己擦吗？
Vaporub makes my hands smell funny.
伤风膏会把我手的味道弄得怪怪的。
But, Sheldon. please, please, please, please, please?
可是谢尔顿……求你了求你了求你了。
I can't believe I'm doing this.
真不敢相信我竟然做这个。
No, no. Counterclockwise, or my chest hair mats.
不，逆时针擦，不然我的胸毛会缠一块儿的。
Sorry! Can you sing "soft kitty"?
不好意思啊！你能唱“乖乖猫”吗？
What? My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.
什么？我生病时妈妈总唱给我听。
Oh, sorry, honey. I don't know it. I'll teach you.
抱歉亲爱的，我不知道这歌。我教你。
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr. Now you.
乖乖猫软软猫小小毛绒球，快乐猫，瞌睡猫，喵喵喵。该你了。
Soft kitty, warm kitty... little ball of fur. keep rubbing. Little ball of fur.
乖乖猫，软软猫 小小毛绒球，继续擦。小小毛绒球。
What do you see what do you see? I can't,
你能看到什么东西？不能，
The living room appears to be empty.
客厅看来没人。
Ok. He must be in his bedroom. My spare glasses are in my bedroom, on my dresser, next to my bat signal.
他肯定在卧室。备用眼镜在我卧室梳妆台上蝙蝠侠标志旁边。
I'm not going in there.
我又不去。
Raj? No way, jose.
Raj？没门伙计。
But I can't do it. I can't see anything.
但我做不到，我什么都看不见。
It's all right. Wireless minicam and bluetooth headset. We'll be your eyes.
没关系，无线摄像头和蓝牙耳机，我们就是你的双眼。
One more thing. This is a subsonic impact sensor.
还有一件事，这是一个次音速效果的传感器，
If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk, this device will register it and send a signal to the laptop. At that point,
如果谢尔顿下床并开始走路，这个设备会立刻记入并将信号传到电脑，那个时候，
based on the geography of the apartment and the ambulatory speed of a sick Sheldon, you'll have seven seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.
基于房间的地理情况和病人谢尔顿的步行速度，你将有七秒的时间离开，不管有没有眼镜。
Won't my footsteps set it off?
我的脚步不会触发它吗？
No. You'll be on your hands and knees.
不会，你得靠爬的。
Now, you'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to Sheldon's room.
现在你得把传感器放到离谢尔顿尽可能近的地方。
Look, how do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?
我用手和双膝爬，那怎么带着它？
Stay low. Bear left. Now keep true.
压低点。前进，保持正前方。
What? It means go straight.
什么？意思是"笔直走"。
Then just say go straight.
那就直接说笔直走。
You don't say "go straight." When you're giving bearings, you say, keep true. All right.
当你指引方向时你不说笔直走，而要说"保持正前方"。好吧。
I just hit my head.
我刚撞到头了。
Because you didn't keep true.
因为你没有保持正前方。
Okay, turn right. The, the picture is breaking up.
好，向右转。图像在晃。
Angle your head to the right.
头的角度转向右方。
Now, a little more.
现在，再向右些。
Little more. That's it. Now, just keep true.
再向右点。好了保持正前方。
All right, you're close enough to Sheldon's room. Deploy the sensor.
好了你离谢尔顿房间够近了，部署好传感器。
Now, turn it on.
把它打开。
It wasn't on? No.
它没打开？没有。
Then why did I have to crawl?
那我干嘛要爬？
No, I guess you didn't.
哦，我想你用不着。
Okay, it's on. Good. From this point forward, you will have to crawl. I know.
好吧，打开了。很好，从现在起你必须要爬了。我知道。
Hang on. The sensor is picking up something. Turn your head back.
等等，传感器捕捉到什么东西了，回头。
You rat bastard.
你个混蛋。
Told you the sensor would work.
告诉过你传感器有用的。
Hi. You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.
嗨。你故意把我和谢尔顿锁在一起。
Come on, I had to. You see what he's like?
拜托，我不得已，你看见他什么样了？
Penny? Penny, I'm hungry.
佩妮？佩妮，我饿了。
Uh, it's okay, sweetie. Good news! Leonard is home! No!
好亲爱的，好消息！兰纳德回来了！不！
Here you go. Good luck. Bye. Oh, Wait, wait.
交给你了祝你好运拜。哦，等等。
Leonard! I'm hungry! Wait. Penny, take me with you!
兰纳德！我饿了！等等，佩妮，带我一起走！
I want grilled cheese.
我想要烤干酪。
Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
你觉得佩妮会过来照顾我们吗？
I don't think Penny's ever coming here again.
我认为佩妮再也不会来这儿了。
I'm very congested. Yeah? So?
我鼻塞的厉害。那又怎样？
Could you go to the kitchen and get me the turkey baster labeled "mucous"?
你能去厨房把标有"分泌黏液"的胶头滴管给我吗？
If I stand, I'll vomit. Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.
我站起来会恶心。吐在水槽下面的黄色塔伯牌碗里。