Good evening. I'm your guest lecturer, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I was expecting applause, but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate. I agreed to speak to you this evening, because I was told that you're the best and the brightest of this university's doctoral candidates. Hmm. Of course, that's like saying you are the most important electron in a hydrogen atom. 'Cause, you see, there's only one electron in a hydrogen atom. Best and brightest, my sweet patootie. All right, let's begin. Show of hands, who here is familiar with the concept of topological insulators? Don't kid yourselves.
晚上好 我是你们的客座讲师 谢尔顿·库珀博士 我还等着掌声呢 不过"王八之气"震慑后的安静也挺好的 我之所以今晚愿意来给你们上课 是因为有人告诉我你们是这所学校里的博士生中最优秀最聪明的 当然 这就像是说你们是氢原子中最重要的电子一样 因为 你们想啊 氢原子只有一个电子 这也算最优秀最聪明啊 我的老天爷 好吧 开始上课 请举手告诉我 在座的哪位对拓扑绝缘体的概念比较熟悉 别自欺欺人了
I found another tweet from a student at Sheldon's lecture. "Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject " and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect."
我又看到了一条谢尔顿课上的学生的微博 库珀博士选择的话题相当无聊 并且他成功地升级到了令人无法忍受的地步 另外 他看起来像只大昆虫"
Look. Listen to this one. "Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies "when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?"
听着 听听这条 爱因斯坦的理论是不是揭示了为什么当你快乐时时间飞逝 而当你听库珀博士说话时 时间就慢得要命"
Ooh, somebody took pictures and uploaded them to their Flickr account.
有人拍了照 还上传到了Flickr上
Wow. How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?
哇 你要怎么做才能让整个演讲大厅里的人同时冲你竖中指啊
Apparently, if you're Sheldon, all you need to do is turn your back.
显然啊 如果你是谢尔顿的话 你需要做的只是转个身而已
Hey, Leonard, is your Wi-Fi down? I can't get on.
莱纳德 你家Wi-Fi坏了吗 我连不上啊
Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It's now "Penny is a freeloader." No spaces.
哦 谢尔顿把密码改了 现在是“佩妮是个蹭网的” 别加空格
Thanks. What are you guys doing?
多谢 你们在干嘛呢
Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
谢尔顿今晚在学校里上课 我们在看评论
Oh. How'd he do?
他表现如何啊
Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.
想象一下"兴登堡"号飞艇爆炸加上切尔诺贝利核泄漏加上三里岛核泄漏再加上《电子世界争霸战2》
That bad, huh?
有那么糟啊
Read this woman's tweet.
念一下这个女生的微博
"Listening to Dr. Cooper has made me want to start cutting myself again" Yeah.
听库珀博士讲课让我又想自残了" 是吧
Good evening, Leonard, Howard, Raj, freeloader.
晚上好 莱纳德 霍华德 拉杰 蹭网的
So, how'd the lecture go?
课上得怎么样啊
In a word, triumphant.
一言以蔽之 大获全胜啊
Really? Triumphant?
真的吗 大获全胜
Oh, yes, you should have seen those young people. Thirsty for knowledge, drinking in my wisdom. I may have changed a few lives today.
可不是吗 你们真该亲眼看看那群孩子 求知若渴 贪婪地聆听我的教诲 我今天也许改变了不少人的人生
Oh, please let me tell him.
求你让我告诉他吧
I don't know, I kind of promised Howard.
我不知道行不行啊 我答应了霍华德的
Tell me what?
告诉我啥
Actually, we should all share the moment. Raj, if you would.
其实呢 我们应该一起分享这一刻 拉杰 你来吧
Oh, tweets about my lecture. That's rather unfair. That's downright cruel. Plus, insects have six legs. Yeah, I'm not familiar with the acronym "KMN"
关于我的课的微博啊 这条很不公平 这条太伤人了 而且昆虫都有六条腿 我不是很清楚"KMN"这个缩写是啥意思
From the context, we think it means "kill me now."
根据语境 我们觉得是"快杀了我吧"
Well, I suppose everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I think I'll turn in. I didn't want to teach those poopy heads, anyway.
我觉得每个人都有权表达自己的观点 我还是去睡觉吧 反正我也不想教那群榆木脑袋了
FYI, I think that's what Darth Vader said just before he started building the Death Star.
顺便说一句 我觉得这句话是达斯·维达在建造死星之前说的
Sheldon still moping?
谢尔顿还在郁闷吗
Yeah, it's weird. Even though he didn't want to give the lecture in the first place, being rejected by those students really hit him hard.
是啊 好奇怪 就算他一开始就不想给这帮学生上课 被他们拒绝还是打击挺大的
I know the feeling. It's like accidentally walking into a gay bar and then having no one hit on you.
这感觉我深有体会 就好像无意中走进了一家同性恋酒吧然后发现没人对你有兴趣
It-It happened to a friend of mine.
这 这是我一个朋友的经历
Are you guys doing okay?
你们还好吗
Leonard and I are fine, but I think Raj needs to meet a girl really soon.
莱纳德和我还好 但我觉得拉杰现在真的急需一位小妞
Well, that shouldn't be too hard. He's such a cutie.
这不是什么难事 他这么可爱
Thank you, but "cute" is for bunnies. I want to be something with sex appeal, like... like a labradoodle.
谢谢夸奖 但是“可爱”是形容小兔子的 我想要能吸引异性 就像 就像拉布拉多犬一样
Labradoodle? We might be starting to zero in on your problem.
拉布拉多犬 我们估计得从头考虑你的问题了
Don't you listen to them. You've got plenty of sex appeal.
别听他们的 你对异性有足够的吸引力
You really think so?
你真这么觉得吗
Yeah. You're a hottie.
是啊 你好性感哦
Well, thanks, Bernadette.
谢谢 伯纳黛特
And just for the record, labradoodles are hypo-allergenic, which is a very sexy quality to those troubled by animal dander.
顺便告诉你们 拉布拉多犬是防过敏的 这对于那些深受动物毛屑困扰的人来说很性感
So, what do you think?
你觉得怎么样
It's a charming illusion, but it does not cheer me up.
很炫的视觉效果 但是我还是不高兴
Not even when I do this? No.
就算我这么做都没用吗 没用
Well, that was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy.
这是我搞怪的压箱底招了
Do you realize that teaching is the first thing I've failed at since my ill-fated attempt to complete a chin-up in March of 1989?
你知不知道 教书是我自从1989年3月做引体向上失败以后搞砸的第一件事
If this humiliating experience is really troubling you, there are things we could do about it.
如果这次丢人的经历真的让你很困扰的话 我们还是有办法解决的
For instance?
比如
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is isolating the part of your brain where the memory is stored and destroying it with a laser.
首先想到的就是隔离你大脑里负责存储记忆的部分 然后用激光切掉它
Hmm, no. One slip of the hand, and suddenly I'm sitting in the Engineering Department, building doodads with Wolowitz.
嗯 不行 你一不留神 我就只能坐在工程学院里和沃罗威茨一起捣鼓些小玩意儿了
All right. Have you considered improving your socialization skills, thus allowing you to communicate more effectively with other people?
好吧 你有没有考虑过提高你的社交技能呢 好让你更有效地和别人交流
Isn't that their burden? I'm the one with something interesting to say.
这难道不是他们的负担吗 我一直都是瞩目的焦点
Fair enough, but in its essence, teaching is a performance art. In the classroom paradigm, the teacher has the responsibility to communicate, as well as entertain and engage.
没错 但是从本质上来讲 教书是一门表演艺术 在教室这一范例中 教师有交流的责任也有娱乐和吸引学生的责任
I sense that you're trying to slow-walk me to an epiphany. Would you mind very much jumping to it?
我感觉你在循循善诱啊 你为何不直奔主题呢
Perhaps you should consider taking acting lessons.
也许你该考虑一下学学表演
Acting lessons. Interesting. It might help if I could act as though I care about my students and whether or not they learn.
学表演 有意思 如果我能表现得好像我关心我的学生们在意他们学没学会 没准儿还有点儿用
Penny. Penny. Penny.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
What?
干嘛
You're an "actress," correct?
你是个“演员 ”对吧
I'm not an "actress." I'm an actress.
我不是“演员” 我就是演员
All right. You're an actress. I need you to teach me.
好吧 你是个演员 我需要你教教我
You want an acting lesson?
你想上一节表演课
Perhaps two. I'd like to master the craft.
没准儿得两节 我想学精一点儿
Okay, where is this coming from?
你怎么忽然想到这个的
It has been suggested to me that acting techniques could improve my lecturing, at which, if certain tweets and blogs are to be believed, I "suck the big one."
有人建议我说 表演技巧能够提高我的教学水平 如果有人相信那些微博和博客的话 我貌似"不很擅长教学"
Yeah, I saw those. They were funny. I printed a few out and put 'em on my fridge.
啊 我都看过了 写得很好玩 我还打印了一些出来 贴在冰箱上了
So, when could we start?
那咱们什么时候开始上课
Okay, just to be clear. You are asking me for help because I know something that the brilliant Dr. Sheldon Cooper doesn't.
好吧 先把话说清楚了 你找我帮忙是因为我会一些你这位聪慧的谢尔顿·库珀博士不会的东西
I suppose that's one way to look at it.
你这样解释也行
I think it's the only way to look at it.
我认为这是唯一的解释了
Are you going to help me or not?
你到底帮不帮我嘛
Probably. I'm just enjoying the foreplay. Does this mean you are done mocking my acting career?
考虑看看 我只是比较享受这段前戏 这是不是就意味着你不会再嘲笑我的演艺事业了
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought making the transition from actor to acting teacher was the signal that one's career had reached the end of the road.
真不好意思 我以为你由演员转变为表演课老师 就已经意味着你的事业走到了尽头了
Forget it.
算了吧
I'll pay you $40.
我付你四十美金
Saturday, 9:00 a.m. Bring cash.
周六早上九点 带现金来
Raj, I have amazing news! What?
拉杰 我有好消息要宣布 什么好消息
I just got offered a fellowship at the Weitzmann Institute in Israel.
以色列的魏茨曼研究所刚刚通知我 他们给我提供了学术奖学金邀我过去
Dude, that's incredible!
伙计 这太棒了
I know. The only thing is, I'm gonna be gone for two years.
就是 唯一的问题是 我得离开两年
Aw, I'm gonna miss you.
我会想你的
Are you going with him?
你跟他一起去吗
I have to stay here for school.
我得留在这上学
That's what we're here to talk to you about.
我们就是来找你谈这件事的
You see, Bernadette has needs.
你知道 伯纳黛特也是有需求的
What kind of needs?
什么需求
Sexual needs.
性需求
Most of them regular, some of them kind of messed up.
大部分都还比较正常 但也有些比较狂野的
So, while I'm gone, you're going to have to satisfy her.
所以我不在的时候 就得靠你来满足她了
What do you say?
你同意吗
I say okey-dokey.
乐意之至
What ya thinking so hard about?
你这么认真地想什么呢
Just that I'm definitely not gay.
我只是在想我绝对不是同性恋