Take your body down to the potty**To have some fun and go number one
乖乖坐到马桶上**一起嘘嘘乐趣多
What is this filth? I tried everything, videos, books, parenting websites.
这都是些什么啊？我什么都试过了视频 、书籍、 家教网站。
I even tried to make a game out of it. Nothing could get that kid to use the toilet.
我连改编游戏都试过了。还是没办法让这孩子学会用马桶。
By the way, do not search "Peeing games" on the internet.
另外，千万别在网上搜索"尿尿游戏"。

Okay, Joe, what's it gonna be? I'm a wealthy man. Just give me a number.
乔，你想要什么？我不缺钱。告诉我你要多少。
Seven. I just found out that's how old I was when I learned to tie my shoes. Not 2, like I was told.
七。我刚刚发现原来我七岁才学会系鞋带。不是你告诉我的两岁。
Okay, please, Manny.
曼尼，别这样。
I might have exaggerated a little bit, but I do that all the time. Columbia actually is a very normal place.
我可能是夸张了点，但我一直都这样。哥伦比亚其实是个很正常的国家。
My accomplishments are all lies.
我的成就都是假的。
I can only deal with one traumatized child at a time.
我一次只能安慰一个受伤的孩子。
Please, Jay, let that poor baby off the toilet.
杰，放过那可怜的孩子吧。
Okay, new plan-- we leave him on the throne till he conks out, then we dunk his hand in a bowl of warm water--
新计划...我们就让他待在这里直到他昏睡过去，然后把他的手放进一碗温水里...
That's crazy. You know that you can't rush these things.
你疯了。你知道这种事急不来的。
You did it before with Claire and with Mitch.
抚养克莱尔和米奇时你经历过的。
I don't think he did, mom.
我不这么认为。
Yes, he did, right?
他经历过，对吧？
Well, I was a little busy building a closet empire. And racquetball was pretty big back then.
我忙着建立自己的衣柜帝国。当时又很流行壁球。
Maybe that's why this is so important to you.
也许这就是为何你如此看中此事。
You missed so many milestones in their lives, you don't want to miss them with Joe.
你错过了他们人生中的重要阶段，你不想在乔的身上也发生这种事。
This is your second chance. But don't worry, Jay. He knows you love him.
这是你的第二次机会。别担心，杰，他知道你爱他。
I'd like him to remember that I'm there for him. I mean, who knows if I'll get another chance.
我想让他知道我一直在他身边。谁知道我还有没有第二次机会。
I know. You won't.
我知道你不会的。