Take time to assess a senior’s entire situation before jumping to conclusions about their weaknesses or desires, says Jake Harwood, a professor of communication at the University of Arizona, Tucson. A parent whose husband dies may suddenly seem unable to care for herself, failing to clean the house or keep up with bills. But the bereaved5 spouse6 may simply need more contact with friends and social support to get motivated again.
亚利桑那大学的传播学教授杰克哈伍德说,我们要花时间评估一个老人的整 体情况，不要盲目下结论说他们如何无法自理以及需要什么护理服务。失去丈夫的 女性可能会突然看起来无法照顾自己，无法整理家务，无法偿还帐单,但这些丧偶 的老人也许只需要多跟朋友和社会交流就能重新鼓起生活的勇气。
Also, adult children sometimes misunderstand parents’ reluctance to move, says Kenneth Robbins, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. “They may resist leaving the house because they think their kids and their grandkids are going to miss the house,” or they fear that a close neighbor will be left alone, says Dr. Robbins, who is also a senior medical editor at Caring.com. Seniors also may fear having to leave cherished belongings behind or being unable to make friends in a new setting. And some see leaving their homes as an acknowledgment of their increasingly frailty7 — and mortality.
Caring.com的资深医学主编、麦迪森州威斯康辛大学临床精神病学教授凯尼 斯罗宾斯说，此外,成年子女有时候会误解父母不愿搬去老年护理机构的原因。他 们拒绝离开家里,可能是因为觉得儿孙辈会想念他们在家的感觉，或担心自己走后 邻居好友会觉得寂寞。老年人也可能不愿意离开自己珍视的一些物品，或担心在新 环境中交不到朋友。有些老人把离开家里去老年护理机构视为自己身体越来越差 甚至将不久于人世的一种体现。
Robin Joy, of San Francisco, says she helped her widowed mother Gail, 77， hire a professional organizer after figuring out that cleaning out the family’s Evanston, III., home of 30 years was an obstacle to her moving. Gail says she put her name on a retirement home’s waiting list, but passed up a couple of opportunities to move in because the need to sort through all the papers and belongings “seemed overwhelming.”
旧金山的罗宾乔伊说，她帮她丧偶的77岁母亲盖尔请了一位整理专家，因为 她发现母亲不愿意去老年护理机构的原因是想把伊利诺斯州埃文斯顿市住了三十 年的房子收拾妥当。盖尔说自己早就报名排队，等待进人一家老年护理中心，但错 过了好几次机会,因为她得把家里“多得都要溢出来”的文件和物品全都整理好。
The organizer has since helped Gail get stacks of papers and stuff under control, and she is planning to move soon.
后来，那位整理专家帮助盖尔将成堆的文件和物品归整清楚,目前盖尔正打算 很快就搬去老年护理中心。
Dementia, of course, raises added issues. People with dementia may “no longer be able to make decisions in their own best interests, and they begin to misinterpret what other people are trying to do for them,” Dr. Robbins says. Seniors with dementia may become paranoid*, depressed, or so confused that “life becomes a minefield9 of dangers,” he says.
当然，老年痴呆症会让事情变得更复杂。罗宾斯博士说，老年痴呆症患者可能 “再也无法做出最有利于自身利益的决定,并开始错误理解别人想为他们做的事 情。”患有痴呆症的老年人会变得偏执多疑、情绪低落或困惑不解,认为“生活变成 了一片充满危险的地雷阵。”
Appealing to a parent’s values can help in such cases. Barbara Meltzer of West Hollywood, Calif., says that when her father died several years ago, her aged mother, who was living in Florida and had dementia, resisted Ms. Meltzer’s plea to bring in a home health aide. The aide “would call and say, ‘Your mother sent me home,” Ms. Meltzer says.
在这种情况下，多从父母的价值观考虑可以起到一些作用。加州西好莱坞的芭色拉梅尔泽说，他父亲几年前去世，年迈的母亲住在佛罗里达州，患有老年痴呆 症,她拒绝了色色拉给她请家庭保姆的请求。保姆会打电话来说“你妈妈又让我回
家了。”
So she turned the conversation with her mother to, “Please do it for me, Mom, because I’m worried about you.” She also mentioned to her mother that allowing the aide to stay helped her by providing a job. “That worked, because my mother was a giver. She was Mother Earth. With her, it was always about helping somebody else，” Ms. Meltzer says.
因此，芭芭拉采取另一种说服策略，她对母亲说:“帮我个忙吧，妈妈,因为我担 心你。”她还对妈妈说，雇家庭保姆是给人提供一份就业机会。芭芭拉说，“这很管 用，因为我妈妈喜欢帮助人,就像大地母亲一样,乐于奉献。”
Eventually, she used the same approach to persuade her mother to move to California to live near her and other family members. “We love you so much and it’ s important to us that you’re here,” Ms. Meltzer says she told her. Her mother lived nearby for several years before dying last year at the age of 93.
最终，芭芭拉用同样的策略说服母亲搬到加州，住在芭芭拉和其他家人的附 近。芭芭拉这样说道’ “我们都很爱你’你跟我们住得近一点，这对我们来说非常重 要。”她母亲在加州住了好几年，2010年去世，享年93岁。
Meanwhile, Kathy Peers parents have moved into Town Village at Audubon Park, an independent senior living community in Memphis. The pros and cons in the plan they compiled with Ms. Peel and her husband have proven true. Ms. Peel travels often to see them, and the Weeks are considering moving again in the future, to Dallas, to make it easier for the Peels to help them out. “They have realized they really do need us,” Ms. Peel says.
与此同时，凯菌皮尔的父母已经搬去Audubon Park的Town Village,那是孟菲 斯市一个独立运营的老年生活社区。他们一家做的利弊分析和规划书起了作用。凯 茜经常去看他们，她父母还考虑将来搬到达拉斯去,这样凯茜过来搭把手就更方便 了.凯茜说,“他们已经意识到，自己还是需要我们这些儿女的。”