When the time came for Kathy Peel’s mother and father to consider moving into an assisted-living facility, Ms. Peel tried reasoning with them, citing examples of friends who were happy they had made the move.
When that didn’t work, she took a business approach. Ms. Peel and her husband Bill convened a conference at her parents’ kitchen table in Memphis and helped them write a three-page “strategic plan.” Her parents, Morris and Kathryn Weeks — both retired business people in their late 80s — joined in, talking about their goals and helping list dozens of pros and cons1 to staying in their home.
莫里斯?维克斯和凯萨琳维克斯在决定搬到孟菲斯市的老年生活社区前，帮 忙写了“规划书”然而，这并不管用，因此她决定通过职业化的做法来解决。凯茜和她丈夫比尔在田纳西州孟菲斯市父母家的厨房餐桌上开了个家庭会议，帮他们写 一份三页纸的“规划书”凯茜的父母,莫里斯维克斯和凯萨琳维克斯都已年过八 十,退休前都是商人。他们也加入了讨论，谈论自己的生活目标，一起列出居家养老 的优缺点。
Among the pros the family agreed on were the Weeks’ upositive attitude” and desire to share care for each other. But the cons loomed large, including the fact that no family members lived nearby to provide emergency care in a crisis. Ms. Peel had been forced to make 10 trips to Memphis from her home in Dallas in 2009 to help her parents with health problems, from her mother’s heart ailment to her father’s failure to notice her bout with dehydration2. Ms. Peel printed the plan, and after mulling it for a few weeks, the Weeks agreed to move to a senior-living community in Memphis.
大家一致认为，居家养老的好处在于“保持一种乐观的心态”两人希望能够相互扶持;但缺点也不小，比如家人都不住在附近,发生紧急情况时无法提供援手等。 2009年，凯茜不得不从达拉斯的家中跑到孟菲斯市十次之多，帮忙照顾生病的父 母，比如母亲的心脏病，以及父亲未能及时注意到的母亲的脱水症状等。凯茜把规 划书列印出来发给大家，经过几个星期的深思熟虑，她父母同意搬去孟菲斯市的老 年生活社区。
It’s an agonizing discussion for adult children: whether elderly parents can no longer live on their own. Some 42% of adults between ages 45 and 65 cite the topic as the most difficult one to discuss with their parents, according to a 2006 survey of 1,000 people by Home Instead Inc., an Omaha, Neb., provider of in-home care. And 31% said their biggest communication obstacle is getting stuck in the parent-child roles of the past.
成年子女往往需要讨论一个令人头疼的问题:年迈的父母能否自己照顾自己？ 2006年，内布拉斯加州奥马哈市养老护理公司对1000人做了一项调查，结果显示， 在45岁到65岁之间的成年人中，有42%表示这是最难和父母沟通的话题，有31%的 人说，他们最大的障碍就是无法跳出父母和孩子的固定角色。
“We take on3 old family rotes,” says Paula Spencer, a senior editor at Caring, com, a caregiving4 website, and a speaker on elder-care issues. “We don’t want to rock the boat. We’re concerned about parents，privacy, worried about the consequences, thinking, ‘Maybe Dad will hate me if I move him to assisted living,”
护理服务网站Caring.com的资深编辑、养老问题演讲者保拉斯班瑟说，“我们 还是在沿袭原先的家庭角色。因为我们不想把事情搞乱，我们担心父母的生活隐私 问题，担心各种各样的后果,心里还顾虑着“如果送爸爸去老年护理机构，他可能会 恨我。”
While many seniors do fine at home, others need long-term care facilities or a home aide. It’s good to start such conversations early, says Paul Hogan, chairman of Omaha-based Home Instead Senior Care, which provides in-home caregivers. A good principle is “the 40-70 rule; if you are 40, or your parents are 70, it’s time to start talking，” he says.
虽然许多老年人在家也可以安度晚年，还是有些老年人需要长期的护理机构 或家庭保姆的协助。奥马哈市高级养老护理公司是一家提供家庭保姆的机构,其董 事长保罗霍根说，与长辈的这种谈话应该早点开始。他说，“40 ~ 70岁是个不错的原则，如果你年届40岁,你父母已经70岁了，就应该开始考虑父母今后的养老问题 了。”
Make time to discuss issues without rushing. Research shows adult children who feel hurried during conversations about their parents changing care needs may tend to push them toward the most efficient option, such as getting more help or moving to an assisted-living facility prematurely, rather than taking the time to encourage them to work on staying independent as long as possible.
找时间跟父母谈谈，但不要过于急切。研究显示,如果成年子女在跟父母谈论 改变养老方式问题时心情过于迫切，那么他们可能会倾向于直接选择最快见效的 方式，比如雇人照顾父母或让父母过早地住进老年护理机构，而不是花时间鼓励父 母在力所能及的情况下独立照顾自己o
About 70% of people over 65 are expected to need some long-term care services at some point in their lives, such as help with dressing or bathing, inhome services from an aide or nurse, or care in an assisted-living facility, according to 2008 federal data. More than 40% will spend time in a nursing home. While the average time seniors need help is three years, 20% are expected to need long-term care services for more than five years.
根据2008年美国联邦政府的数据,65岁以上的老年人有70%将在余生的某个 时候需要一些长期护理服务，如让人帮忙穿衣洗澡，护理人员或护士提供居家服 务，或在老年护理机构生活等。有40%的老人将住进养老院。老年人需要护理服务 的平均时间是三年,其中有20%需要五年以上的长期护理服务。